A really really tough day

[Meyouuu]

Feeling so guilty for this. Just need to vent. Currently a poorly household unsure what’s wrong we all have cold symptoms and exhausted so maybe a summer cold?

anyway, today I try to take the 2 kids out (2.5 and 6mo) to see some family of mine we went to a restaraunt which is normal okay. Our toddler has random meltdowns at different people/different settings. Spoke to Hv about it at checkup and she said maybe a kid who just gets nervous easier / needs easing into things more so that’s fine, it improved.

but this combined with feeling under the weather he had meltdown after meltdown everything was a problem. He wouldn’t go near anyone. Just wanted me but my youngest does too so I’m so stretched.

DH is unwell and has been for a week or two with this? But wants to rest. I get so wound up because I can’t rest and he knows that. And then wonders why I have minimal sympathy ? Because I can’t lay in bed and sleep this off ! Says he’s really sick and drained but I am also - again can’t just sleep it off

i feel a bit bitter as I’m doing so much alone and I’m sick too and I just feel like no one cares

my mum has a go at me in the restaraunt and says this is you “he’s doing this because you’re nervous, you only take him out to places with you , you need to go out with different people” (unsure here what this means ?)

had a really tough day. Cried silently as my eldest fell asleep in his cot before

and now crying again as I cradle my youngest

sounds so horrible, your poor little one probably just feeling sad and sorry for himself, and needing his mummy. Its really hard though, when you have two that need you. Your mum isn't being helpful, and your partner needs to do the whole day alone tomorrow, so you can sleep xx

You poor thing. Being unwell, having no support and nonsteroid toddlers.
When I used to take my kids to restaurants at that age I just felt like I was taking three unexploded bombs. Would we make it through the meal, would their food come super early before mine did and they would have eaten it and be fed up? Would someone have a pink cup and the other a purple cup and all hell break loose.
Ultimately kids and restaurants don't often work when they're little. They are just not designed to be in those spaces and you keep your sanity.
Unsympathetic adults are deeply unhelpful. I think children can struggle with different and unfamiliar people. It's just hard for them sometimes. My DD used to cry if anyone looked at her when she was a toddler.

Trust your instincts and bugger what anyone else thinks. Tell your DH to get a grip and help.

No idea what nonsteroid toddlers means. I think I meant monsterous.

Poor you - I remember those days 😩
But I wouldn’t have gone to a restaurant if you were all feeling poorly.

Sounds terrible. You're all ill. If you can't get someone else to come in and help, then the adults need to take turns.
My only comparable is when we all got noro when Dcs were 2 and 6. We all had it and parents had to take turns to do the absolute essentials. We had no one to help- but wouldn't have asked anyone anyway as they would have caught noro themselves.
You just need to get through as best you can, doing the absolute minimum, and when it's over you need to review when both you and DH aren't wound up, review if you can plan better for the future and review division of labour.

I think a restaurant with an ill 2 year old and 6 month old is always going to be a bad idea.

I mean yes after reviewing my day I should’ve at my first gut instinct said , well reschedule. My mum just kept highlighting how she’d help it’s fine (it’s her side so she really wanted me to bring the kids)

then at the end when they’d left (we were meeting them at their house which also was a disaster as my toddler doesn’t like to go to houses he’s never been before which I completely get) my mum throws some sort of half intervention saying I’m struggling and need to stop being snappy with her! Or I shouldve just sacked the plans off completely more like

i just feel wracked with guilt. Why did I stay out because my mum wanted us to mix and I want my kids to see my auntie of course etc she was so good and didn’t get in his face when he was upset she was so understanding. And I love that about my auntie

im just sad now worrying had my toddler felt sad now he wouldn’t sleep u til we got home just cuddled me at her house and was tired

This. Over ambitious. I had to go to one poorly myself two weeks ago and really didn’t enjoy it but I am an adult and can regulate myself. Taking an ill toddler prone to tantrums when well was a stretch.

And with the restaraunt@ experience he did cheer up he ate some fish fingers but then it was like rocket fuel so started running around which I expected but then probed my mum to think he needs to watch something on her phone which I don’t like to do really

Your mum is very, very unreasonable. The nice thing to do would have been to offer to come and look after the Dc at your house, so that you could get a little bit of rest. Dragging poorly children out to a restaurant is never going to go well. Is she normally selfish?

There is a special space in the human psyche for being unwell and looking after children, throw in when they're unwell and you're doing it alone. It's just the worst of the worst. So many illnesses going around this summer, we've been unwell for 8 weeks on/off and have no family to support. It's just the pits but we've not set foot in a restaurant, cancelled every single plan we've had and been in survival mode - ready meals, screen time, laundry piling up (we've bought more cheap clothes to have a surplus to get by), fewer baths than I care to admit for them. But you do what you do to survive. They will be none the wiser and you will make it through. DH needs to put in his shift tomorrow.

It’s so hard to know what to do for the best in that situation isn’t it, sometimes you can’t predict how they will feel being out. It was a very hard day but we all have them, can you focus on tomorrow, is there any way you can make it easier on yourself? Have you anything new or unfamiliar for the 2.5 yr old to play with? Can you set up a movie or some quiet time? Is there a toddler playground he could run around safely while you sit on the sidelines with baby?
Your mum & DH both sound so unhelpful, but probably need to be tackled when you’re all feeling better - for now can you say calmly to DH I understand you’re drained, so am I, happy to do the morning but then I will need to rest upstairs from 2-4 (or whatever)? Best of luck.

Thanks everyone thought I was being dramatic or horrible because I had to take many times to have a big deep breath and I’ve felt impatient which I hate

i I do need more support I feel like I’m drowning in general. When DH is well he works long hours so there’s that and then now it’s he’s unwell and needs to rest etc. he’s always been self assured it was a quality I love of his when I got with him but it sometimes verges into selfish which I hate and it’s not the time to address it now

but yeah basically my toddler really only wants me will occasionally go to his Nan / my sister his auntie and dad so we can try but he does want me a lot which I understand he’s so young and got a little sister and he probably just wants his mum

im silly and probably shouldn’t worry about screentime and siting in but I feel like a bad mum if we don’t nip out of if the telly is on

Sorry you've had such a shit day 😔 have a cry and then write it off and start again tomorrow (new day 😊) learn from this - when you're all feeling under the weather, don't allow yourself to be coerced into going out. Stay home in your pj's, watch crappy kids stuff on the tv with little ones and eat easy stuff like cheese on toast. Do as little as possible. It's not fair that DH gets to rest and you don't - do a deal with him that he has the kids for half day while you rest and then you swap. Don't worry too much about your little one having meltdowns - he's 2 and adjusting to having to share you with a sibling! Get some rest OP and just be glad the shit day is over! 💐

Thanks for all the lovely messages. Managed a few hours sleep. The kids are in tandem a bit with wakings haha

Hoping today is better