TW suicide: how do I support suicidal ds?

[smallcricket]

Ds is an autistic young adult and is depressed and expressing suicidal thoughts. He's under the GP and is on medication. We've removed any potentially harmful things and he's not being left alone in the house. He doesn't really go out. He is depressed over a particular thing, but it's not something that can be resolved and he has to come to terms with it. It's not a bereavement or anything like that.

Is there anything I should be doing? Me and dh are sensible and pragmatic, but dh's best friend killed himself a few years ago and we're obviously very worried even though we can't realistically prevent someone if they're that determined. I'm really scared. Does anyone have any experience or advice?

This must be so scary for you. It sounds like you’re doing everything you can.

My autistic daughter tried to suicide at Xmas and were living with that worry now although outwardly she says she's fine.

I've recommended Papyrus as a helpline for you to talk to. They're there for suicidal teens but they're also there for parents. I emailed them and they compeltely reassured me their helpline is for parents any time and I've just been working out a time to call when I wotn just burst into tears.

https://www.papyrus-uk.org/

The person who recommended them said they'd rung quite a few times and got some fantastic advice as well as being able to talk to someone trained who understood.

I think too from the reading I've done that some of the advice differs if they're autistic. That actually being autistic and coping can be overwhelming so the desire is to "make it stop" sometimes which I think was happening for my daughter so it's as much about making the world easier for her and managing the autism as about dark thoughts/depression I think. But as I say I'm not qualified.

Its terrifying isn't it. I watched a drama the other night where a mum lost her daughter (murder mystery so completely different) but I found myself welling up as the real fear of losing a child is so close to the surface.

I really don't have answers but I don't talk about this either so happy to chat xx

Thank you for the link, I've saved that and will show dh and ds as well.

I feel so guilty having foisted this life on him and now he's so distressed. He was such a happy little boy and now he's in the depths of despair. He has no friends and the ones he did have have let him down. I've tried to explain to him that he'll make new ones at university, but then I'm constantly worried that he doesn't.

Can the thing be minimised in any way? If it's a health thing, is there a group he could go to to see it's still possible to live a full life with the thing?

Ona separate note are you in touch with uni about autism? Usually support services have specialist autism support in place now and they can often go for a few days early/extra transition etc.

Does he want to go to uni? Is he well enough? Should he delay?

What are your plans for the summer? Can it be very chilled with a lot of time for him to recover/gentle things he likes doing?

Really feel for you. Mine is a a few years behind so we're not onto uni yet.

Or do you want to just talk and tell us what's going on as that's fine too x

He says he's well enough to go to uni and it's the only chance he's going to get to have some sort of life. The uni is in our city so we'll still be able to support him. He has contacted the autism people there so that's in the pipeline.

He won't do anything other than stay in his room and he came for a walk with us through the woodland the other day. The GP is hoping the change of medication will help, or she can put him on a different one because he's been on this one for a few years now.

His main problem is no friends, he feels no one cares about him and he's been badly let down by people in a thing that he used to do (not a hobby). He's fixated on it.

It's not a health problem, more a social and interpersonal one. Some people have badly let him down and this is the result. We've tried to help him move on, but he's still fixated. I think he needs new depression medication. He has a GP review in two weeks.

My son is autistic. Can you make an earlier appointment with the GP to review his medication. My sons health begins to sink when he becomes fixated on something. For him the high anxiety and obsessional thinking pushes him into psychosis. It is at this point that he talks about suicide (because he feels so desperate). Like you we make the house safe. Diasepam helps a bit to help him sleep. Keeping the house reasonably quiet - we are generally a house with TV, radio, chatter going on (he finds that hard when he is struggling). For us it was only complete rest in hospital that enabled him to move on from his fixation. For him it was a 'thing' (worried about a medication) not people (that is harder). As his parents we (like you) just try to keep him well - sleep, good food, distraction...He finds the gym helps - we got him a personal trainer. Thinking of you.

I'm sorry that you are going through this brutally distressing experience OP.

I too recommend the Papyrus helpline for you (also for your son if he'd like to talk to them). I appreciate that it feels like a stranger from a helpline can't help you- buy IME they are an incredible organisation and calling them genuinely helped me to cope.

Also, the Facebook community created by the organisation "Parenting Mental Health" is a fantastic place. Take a look at their Facebook page. You will find understanding, lived experience, advice and despite the number of parents there who are going through a really tough time IMO many are incredibly inspiring- modelling how to live through difficult times with hope, acceptable and wisdom. Plenty of members have adult children and children with autism and other ND conditions.

I hope you find some solace and support from these places.