Why do some mothers blatantly prefer their grown up man child sons?

[EachandEveryone]

I’m sure it just can’t be me. I’m in my fifties going through harsh cancer treatment I haven’t seen her for a year but talked on the phone and it’s always about her elderly mates with cancer who are still going out to the club every week. Well I can’t go out without needing the toilet every five minutes. Oh and about her precious racist son who is many things I’m too embarrassed to talk about. Even mentioned getting him a deposit together.And according to my mum it’s always the woman’s fault This is because she hasn’t got over my father 25 years after the divorce. Still brings him up in every conversation. We live away but even my lovely extended family are telling me they cant understand why she doesn’t want to look after me. 😂😂😂. We can’t go more than two days in each others company so I totally don’t want her near me. Is it strange though? I bet my friends must be thinking the same thing as well.

??? what?

I’m just saying is it normal for a mum to shrug the daughter’s cancer off or pretend it’s not happening but still worship her crappy son? Sorry if it’s garbled

I’m not following your post, but no it’s not normal.

Yes I was rambling as I’d just got off the phone

I tried to edit but it wouldn’t let me. To simply I have cancer the side affects aren’t great. I don’t get a visit just phone calls comparing her friends cancers who are in their 80’s to mine. She tells me to stop telling everyone. My horrible brother with bike points of view also frequently comes up in the conversation how he needs money for this and that, how it’s his girlfriends fault and women on general. She just doesn’t see him for what he is.

im sorry for losing the thread I was just really angry, and everyone is saying the can’t believe how she’s detached herself.

Vile points not bike!

It was clear the first time and no it’s not normal or kind. I am sorry your treatment and illness is so tough on you and that your mum isn’t helping. My husband’s family have the reverse issue and they leave me equally baffled. Such sad missed opportunities. I am glad other people are looking out for you.

I didn’t find your OP garbled at all.

How was your mother growing up? That might be the best way to test when trying to fathom why she’s giving you zero support now. It could be that she’s just useless and always was. It could be that she doesn’t want to accept the reality of the situation so she’s downplaying it and concentrating on others in the hope it will all be okay in the long run.

Why some mothers prefer sons? Again it would be a guess but I think that’s the needing to be needed scenario, particularly when the daughter is strongly independent. In the case of your mother who has been divorced for a long time. Perhaps she needed a male figure in her life and has swapped her son into that role.

Im very sorry you are struggling with ill health. There are some excellent cancer support threads running on the site that might support you if you haven’t joined them already ❤️

Completely clear to me. But my mother is the same. I actually get on with my brothers, they are pretty decent human beings. But the way she favours them is mind boggling. She has spent every one of my recent birthdays with them, and has booked tickets to see one of them over my 50th this year. Once is fine, multiple times, you realise you are last priority. It's awful OP, when all you want is a mum who will look after you. It's hard accepting that has to come from other relationships in your life. But it does or will.

Yes it's normal for many mums to irrationally idolise their sons shit or not

There's favourtism of sons through several generations of my family. I wonder if daughters are seen as more direct competition?

At least I only have sons so can't fall in to that dynamic. I try to treat them fairly.

I hope you have other sources of support OP. I wouldn't waste energy on chasing after her. Golden balls can do his share of looking after her while you look after your priorities.

He treats her awfully so I imagine it will come diown to my sister and I

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐
Not normal, at all.