Narcissistic parent :(

[Deargentlereader]

Hi all .

im writing on here as I honestly don’t know what to do about my mothers manipulation and narcissistic tendencies.

several things have happened to her she’s outwardly blamed me for things beyond my control . Such as her being ill I’m controlling her .

she’s recently had a house move and I wasn’t available to help at certain times due to work commitments child care etc . But nothing matters . The times I didn’t have commitments I was there !!!!

she’s wrote me a 16 page letter today telling me how disgusted she is with me. And I honestly don’t know what to do anymore: saying I’m gaslighting her simply for not being available in fact a couple of the days I was out of the country !!

all my life she’s been like this but the emotional blackmail and gaslighting . But this is just so extreme 😞😞😞

theres no reasoning with her at all

I’m unsure what to do

Nothing you can do. Dont rise to it

I'm sorry your mother is like that. I know how you feel.

I've been no/low contact with my own N-mom for a while now and , even though its really hard, ultimately it was the best decision for me and my mental health. If you insist on being in contact with her, you need to establish boundaries and be ready to reinforce those boundaries.

Eg. "I don't like when you speak to me like that and I won't put up with it". If she talks down to you, say nothing, walk away and refuse to engage. She's trying to get a rise out of you, and by taking away the reaction she's expecting you're essentially taking back more power over yourself. You'll never be able to control her actions or the things she says about you/to you, but you can control how you react.

Repeat as often as necessary, and if she refuses to respect you, don't allow her into your life. Ask yourself are you only putting up with it because "she's my mother"? Remember, being a parent isn't a get-out-of-jail-free card to abuse and insult their children.

Acknowledge her feelings but don't indulge an endless loop of self pity. Try redirecting to something benign e.g. in response to the letter,
"I'm sorry that you feel that way. Apparently the weather is going to rain/snow/be sunny tomorrow."