If you have boys, and you have a fantastic relationship with them as adults and their partners and their children, what did you do to ensure that?

[Futureeee]

I keep hearing people say that they know their daughter will always be close, but not their son.

I have no daughters! And I love my children and want to be a part of their lives as they grow up.

So if you have a fantastic relationship with your adult son, he rings you and likes being around you and you get on well with partners / in the children’s lives, how did you make that happen?

keep hearing people say that they know their daughter will always be close, but not their son

I think this is in part because girls are socially conditioned to care for others, so daughters remember to call twice a week (or whatever) and sons don’t always bother.

Agree with PP that taking an interest in their interests helps. Also recognising that the nature of the relationship changes over time and naturally becomes less balanced - a 2yo son wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him but that won’t be the same when he’s 20. And this is ok- accepting that this change happens is really key. Have enough going on in your own life to ensure that the transition is one you can embrace rather than resist. (This is not to say 20 yos don’t need their mums- of course they do- but it’s different). Their primary loyalty will ultimately be to their wife and their own children and this is how it should be, so it’s something to be welcomed rather than feared. Try to see this as a development of your relationship rather than a breach.

Not exactly what you asked but I'm a DIL in this scenario and have seen it go well and badly. My MIL has a terrible relationship with my BIL and an OK/ better one with my DH.

Sadly the breakdown of relationships with my BIL is a lot to do with his (STBX) wife who has been a really difficult person to have in the family plus my BIL is a lot of a doormat and allowed his wife to really poison things.

I think my DH and his mum do a lot better as she has tried so so hard in her own way to preserve good relationships with him and me after pretty much losing her first son to the above situation. She can be quite overbearing and hard work but it's well meant. She has been so desperate to be helpful to us with DC and I felt sad for her a lot, she seems scared of messing things up with me (the latest DIL on the scene).

Over a decade we've settled into a good dynamic and I'm truly fond of her and she's a wonderful grandma.