Child being screamed at then left

[Alex Drake]

Witnessed a horrible incident today that's been playing on my mind since.

We're in London on holiday and were on the tour bus at approximately 7pm at south bank. The bus had stopped over for 5/10 mins. We heard an almighty commotion with a well to do sounding woman shouting at the top of her voice that she can't take it anymore, he's on his own, how dare he treat her like that, she's had enough etc. I couldn't see her or who she was speaking to as I was aisle seat so asked my DS what was going on. It was honestly so loud that I got up and had look, to see a young boy aged 12 - 15 years standing in shock with what I can assume was his mother standing 20 yards or so away shouting at him. Next thing the woman just left, walked away. The boy looked bemused at first, then panicked, then was trying to hold back sobs. After a few minutes he started to walk a bit, our bus when we moved saw him near tower bridge, visibly sobbing, no woman in sight, she had properly left him.

I hope to god he was local and knew what to do and how to get home, poor boy didn't look dissimilar in age to my own DS and given his obvious anxiety at being left stranded he wasn't a confident streetwise type boy either.

I feel absolutely crap that I didn't do or say anything to help, but neither did anyone else on our tour bus and it makes me so sad. in my (minor) defence I was with my 12 yr old and we we're enjoying his birthday treat touring London but I know it's playing on his mind too.

I hope to god he's safe and well.

I thought you were going to say it was a toddler or young child. Not a nice thing to happen but I assume his mother wouldn't have left him unless she felt that he was capable of making his way somewhere safe, or perhaps she just needed 10 minutes to calm down before going back to him.

Yes I hope the mum did just need time out and went back to pick him up, he'd moved though. In the 10 mins the bus was stopped when we saw him again he had wandered away towards tower bridge obviously looking for her.

He was probably walking home feeling a bit sheepish? There's no point catastrophising or dwelling on it. Sure there's that one in a million chance something truly bad happened but it's vanishingly unlikely. If neither you nor anybody else intervened then he can't have looked that vulnerable at the time.

I agree. I hate witnessing things like that. With teenage children of my own they can push you to the limits but I would imagine he had a phone and she had phoned him when she was calmed down. They must have been having a nice day to start with to have been on the bus. It's probably all blown over Naw. Don't think about it too much as it will drive you mad .

There's a big difference between 12 and 15. If he was 15 and local to the area he's likely more than capable of finding his way back. She probably went back to him anyway. I try not to judge snapshots of people's lives like that as you don't know what he's been doing to make her do that.

It's never great but sometimes kids do behave in a way that really push you to your limit. I doubt you would have helped here by intervening.

I really don’t think this was a streetwise boy who knew his way home if he was crying at being left.

My children push me to the point of insanity at times but I would never leave them. Ever.

The message from this is that you should intervene. My son has just finished P6 and there a couple of 11year olds in his year who looked 16. If he was crying, he may have been quite young.

You have come out with a string of rationalizations as to why you didn’t help ‘ no one else did/ it was my son’s birthday treat). But really you should take this as a learning moment that you should have spoken to this boy and helped him. And it’s good to model such behaviour to your son. You could have been the hero to him who helped a distressed and crying kid. Now you are just another bystander who did nothing.

All you needed to do was talk to him and stay with him till he found his mum.

And I’d also add that I know a man who had a terrible childhood. One of the most painful things for him, one of the things he speaks of with most bitterness, most confusion and most anger, is that no one ever tried to help him even when he was obviously distressed. None of the witnesses to his distress, ever helped. He’s in his 50s now and this still upsets him when he talks about it.

Whilst I hate seeing things like that, it's unlikely to have come from nowhere and it might teach him a lesson. Kids nowadays can be so naughty because there's very little consequence for their actions. If he's 15, he'll be fine.

It's more likely the mum knows what she's doing than you seeing not even half a story.

Why on earth is that more likely than her just being an abusive parent/ parent with inadequate emotional regulation?

Screaming at your child in public and then storming off to leave then crying and alone ( and as it was a tour bus he’s likely to be in an unfamiliar city) does not say to me, ‘a mum who knows what they are doing’.

This thread is a depressing insight into the rationalizations people give for not getting involved to help others.

@Moontoboon The OP was on the tour bus, the mother & child were on the pavement.

@Alex Drake

he'll be fine. London has a 'rep' like most big cities & a rep for no one to talk to anyone, but there are a lot of kind people who will have helped him if he needed it.

A woman getting off a tour bus, unfamiliar with the city, is unnecessary.

you were on the tour route, there would be plenty of places he could go in for help & plenty of people to help.

Op was passing by on a bus...

Because abusive parents are rarer than you think. we all do the best we can. What OP saw was a snippet of their life and it would be unfair to assume the very worst. It could be that the kid is a horror and needs some consequence or that she/they are going through something and for today she is unable to emotionally regulate.

this is a world full of tracking. She probably knows exactly where he is and can call him when she’s calmed down again.

Hes likely to be the 15 yr old end of the scale as 12 yr olds are mostly very young looking. At 15, he will be fine. At 12, also fine. I have family in London who got themselves to school on the underground from 11 - and still do so it’s not a times are changing scenario.

find me a mum who knows what she’s doing all the time?!

I would definitely intervene if I was on the street level but not from a bus. Probably to speak to the mum tho, not the boy.

I was on the tour bus with my 12 yr old. The woman and her boy were on foot along Southbank.

I'm not making excuses as to why I didn't intervene, I've explained my situation and my rationale on why I didn't at the time. When I posted I was reflecting on my (lack of) action as I am upset that I didn't do anything and witnessed a potentially vulnerable child being abused and abandoned.

Lesson learnt for me, I could have and should have got off that bus and stayed with him until his mum came back or I was sure he was able to get home himself.

That's really upsetting. Yes, you should asked him if he was OK at the very least.

reminds me of a situation I witnessed. It broke my heart and changed the way I parent completely. There was a boy similar age, to the one you saw 14/15. I had my son in the local park. He walked passed us and plopped on the swings. I thought to myself he looks so sad and withdrawn. He was just in his uniform . He was pissed about something and then he took a knife out and was playing with it and then a hatchet. I honestly thought he was going to do something terrible as at this point he was balling. He then tried to self harm with the knife. The other mums there didn’t give a shit about the kid, they were riling him up so he swung the hatchet at the woman’s head. We all left for safety reasons but I stayed close by. At this point he was crying so hard I thought he would have a seizure. All I wanted to do was give him a huge hug. Unfortunately One of the parents happened to be married to a police officer and he was very harshly arrested and thrown in the cells.

I don’t think il ever not feel guilt over this situation.

@Christmas202 what do you mean the other mums were 'riling him up' and then blasé about him trying to attack someone with a hachet?!

@Christmas202 sounds pretty fortunate to me that he was arrested pronto!

So they were just walking along the road whilst you passed by on the bus?

You not sure how old the boy was, but could have been 15
You don't even know that the woman was his mother

Yes to all points Seeline.

A 12-15 year old can make his own way home

I don't see how you could avoid involving the police with a teenager swinging a hatchet. That one goes well beyond some kind words from a stranger and I hope he's getting some real help.

Does no one have teenagers who sometimes corner them to such an extent that there is no option but to make them snap out of it by shouting?

Let's say there is an event that 2 dc absolutely have got to attend on time. DC1 is stressed and even though they have been reminded throughout the 'getting read time' that it's time to get ready they are NOT ready when it's time to leave. At this point you say, no I can't do x,y,z you say you want me to do as we have to leave NOW or else we will all be in trouble with school. dc1 insists mum needs to x, y, z otherwise they cannot possibly leave and attend this event. At this point if people do not get in the car everyone will be late and there will be consequences by school for bot dc.

What do you do? It's like DC1 is forcing everyone to HOLD and everything has got to happen as they want it. Speaking calmly does not get through to them.

Don't your teenagers sometimes ignore when you ask nicely? I'm really interested as I can see being pushed into something like the OP witnessed with one of my dc as they can be 100% insisting on having it their way. For background I am also a very supportive parent who tries to build their dc confidence and makes them feel loved. But don't you all feel completely cornered at times by your teen's behaviour? I find this astonishing and am a bit envious.