Finding peace with shared custody

[ColdinNovember]

I’ve posted about this before, I go through periods of being ‘ok’ with my situation and others really sad.

I have 50/50 with ex

i feel like I am a really grumpy parent at the moment and stuck in a rut. We parent quite differently and feel I come off worse. I enforce tooth brushing, washing, helping with school work, eating vegetables, restrict inf fizzy drinks/Prime, bedtime routine.

part of me thinks well it would like this if we were together as it would still be my assumed role. It’s just not fun it has improved slightly but I still get ‘Dad is better’ he is quite materialistic or if I’m trying to be kind ‘gifts/gestures’ are how he shows love. I don’t want them growing up materialistic they constantly expect ‘things’ and younger one told me it’s not a ‘really a holiday if you don’t go on a plane’

He’s not doing anything that would be deemed majorly wrong (Except hygiene)and don’t feel I should have to tell how to parent.

it can make our time together a bit negative as I feel I am constantly pulling up behaviour and having to debate the basics but this is really hard for them to navigate too I appreciate.

Any tips? (Please not they will realise when they grow up, I don’t want to wait and at present I feel they aspire more to his lifestyle than mine)

the only advise someone gave me when i shared custordy was 'pick your battles to win the war'... so basically don't sweat the small stuff.. when they are with dad, let him parent them his way, and when they come back to you, do it your way.

if they ever come at you with 'well dad does this'.. explain that they are not at dads at the moment and this is how we do things here.

to be fair, my ex and i were on the same page parenting wise, there were a few things that got me upset but as above.. pick your battles

Thanks it just feels like he’s getting to be the fun parent and leaving all of the actual grunt work to me. It’s not really a battle as I’m not going to choose not to brush teeth, cut nails, eat vegetables etc. I want them to go up to be nice, kind, open minded people but without saying anything negative about their father