Why am I like this

[whyamilikethis234]

Friends coming over tomorrow day time for a girls day with all our toddlers
I made upstairs spotless yesterday and there's no doubt in my mind NOONE will be going upstairs as the kids are all toddlers

I've motivated myself enough to do all the downstairs rooms apart from the actual two rooms that my friends and their kids will be using.

I'm now sitting down while my toddler is napping and my baby is asleep and I am just avoiding at all costs to actually clean and tidy the parts of the house I actually need to do

Why am I like this 😭 what logic is this? someone motivate me please

Don't think about the job as a whole, just get up with the thought in your mind that you'll just do a little bit, just 5 minutes so it doesn't feel daunting. I usually manage to just carry on then, it's the getting up and starting I struggle with. As for why you're like this, for me I'm pretty sure I have autism and maybe ADHD on top but I obviously can't speak for you!

Sounds like my ADHD avoidance behaviour too!

I am like this too.

My house is a cluttered shithole, I will freely admit that. My best friend was visiting, and I cleaned my bedroom (least cluttered room) which she would not be seeing, and inside my fridge (which she also would not be seeing).

It's funny how ADHD has been mentioned. My boss in work put me onto occupational health so I could be referred for an ADHD test.

Because I've got zero time management, if I have a netting that's all I can wait for all day in work so my boss has made sure all my meetings are at 9am otherwise I can't get anything else done, my self confidence is in the pan despite not ever doing my work wrong, I perfect my work over and over and won't send it over until 1 minute before deadline. I'm so worried about being late that I get to work too early. I can not for the life of me understand verbal instructions or even remember or follow conversations I just nod along despite have a good degree so the lights are on(apprently). I am so anxious that I'll message boss out of hours asking if what I said was ok and didn't upset anyone or the work I did was it acceptable (my boss is fine with this she's always working all hours anyway).

I am dyslexic so I wonder if that plays a part and have previously undergone CBT for OCD but even the therapist said he doesnt think it's so much OCD On its own but possible stimming behaviours I do.

It's the illogicality of it isn't it! The worst of it is I'm quite a methodical, logical kind of person generally but faced with a job I have to do my brain just goes to mush and I do it in the most round-about, illogical way possible, if I even manage to do it at all I think it's probably pathological demand avoidance but bloody hell it's annoying!

@Discotrousers

That's it. It's knowing I HAVE to do the job that's killing me here

I would say there's definitely enough there to consider ADHD OP, maybe autism too, so much of your post resonates with me. DD is diagnosed autistic and her assessment was massively eye opening for me with regard to my own issues, it hadn't even occurred to me that there might be an actual reason for why I struggle so much with things others seem to find easy. If you're going to do any research for yourself can I just point out that women with ASD or ADHD present completely differently to men/boys so specifically google symptoms for women and girls.

Yep! Have a read of some stuff about PDA, it's like a lightbulb going on

Mmm, the crunchy flavoursome taste of Executive Dysfunction. Everything you're saying is verrrrry familiar, and I do have a (middling to mild, reducing as I get older) ADHD diagnosis. So yes, it's dumb brain things and you'll need to work out techniques to fool it into letting you actually get on with stuff in an appropriate way.

Have you got any tips on how I can fool my brain?

But I have had some success I've sorted the rooms it wasn't that bad it really wasn't. What got me to do it was I text my husband saying I'm overwhelmed and I just can't physically sorry the rooms and he said not to worry, to sit down and he will sort it tonight when he's home. Thing is he would have worked a 12 hour day and then was willing to sort it for me so that gave me a kick up the bum

That's one of the main tricks - giving in and admitting you can't do it. That often frees up the blockage of "But I should be able to do it!" and then not doing it, I've found.

Asking someone for help is like the stronger version of this. It not only has a good chance of freeing you up, it gives you the backstop of having someone else agree to do it for you in case you actually can't.

My other biggest trick is if you can't decide between two+ things, don't let it wedge you: it clearly doesn't matter so just grab/do one of them. If that leads you to go "oh, actually option 2 is better" and pick that, then that's fine too!

Another: Doing just a small part of something, or doing it badly but functionally, is fine.

These work for me; I hope they help for you too. People's brains are stupid in different ways.

I have to use the 'I'll just do a little bit' technique I mentioned, or better still just start doing 'a little bit' on the way to or from doing something else, so I'm not actually deciding to do it. That seems to be the issue for me, it's like there's a disconnect between making the decision to do the job and making that translate into me actually doing it. In fact deciding to do it seems to paralyse me and I will then do anything but that particular job, even things which are objectively harder or more unpleasant than the original task would have been!