Working mums - how do you make ‘mum friends’?

[Whataweirdsituation]

Hey hive mind 👋

I’m lonely! 😂

DS starts reception in September. He’s always been in a private nursery and I’ve rarely spoken to any of the other parents other than smiling if we turn up at pick up together, and the odd birthday party invite. I’ve always felt like a bit of an outlier there as I work full time (DS was one of only a handful who was in nursery 5 full days) and am pretty sure the only single parent. He goes to a couple of clubs at the weekend too, and although I’ll see those parents more regularly I’m terrible at striking up conversations!

I’m changing jobs this summer to something fully remote, which means I’ll be around for all the pick ups and drop offs. I’d love to make some mum friends, or at the very least not be the antisocial piranha, but I have no clue as to etiquette/how these friendships get made.

So if you’re a reasonably popular mum, or at least have school gate friends, hit me with your tips!

Bonus points for info on what makes a ‘cool kid’ these days also, as a little worried DS won’t fit in immediately with those who’ve been at the attached nursery.

TIA!

In my experience the school gates are not much use for striking up friendships - clubs are much better because you're sitting around for 1-2 hours with parents who are like-minded as in, they've chosen the same kind of club for their DC as you have for yours. You also have a ready-made conversation starter - how is your DC liking the club/how are they getting on/what do you think of the coach/have you been to any games etc etc and that can then progress on.

The other useful thing is the class whatsapp, once I've heard from DC that they like a particular kid then I look across the whatsapp to find the parent and private message them to set up a playdate. Parents at my DC's school particularly loved the after-school playdate where I would pick up their DC along with mine, take them home and feed them tea and they could pick up from mine later (I used to have one day off in the week where I could do this) and the parent would have a cup of tea with me when they got to mine for pickup and we would chat.

The final thing is not to expect too much from "mum friendships". Most school gate friendships are situational, not life-long, so just treat them as such - don't expect too many deep and meaningfuls, at least not in the first year or so!!

I would just smile and make some small talk at the school gates. I also work remotely and drop off most days. How is x getting on? How was your summer etc.

Talk to a few different people and you might find a friendly one who likes to chat. If you/they have some time you could always drop in "fancy a coffee" after a few weeks?

And engage on WhatsApp too! But not too much. Keep it light. Perhaps suggest a local evening drink and see who turns up. Follow through with this - put a poll up of a few dates.

And if you can afford it, whole class parties are great in reception to put faces to names.

I've made some good friends over the years (two through primary now, one remaining) but it really depends on the group, some are really friendly and some just don't care!

Be the parent that takes your child to the huge influx of class parties that happen in Reception and speak to the others who go then.