This is really really stupid scenario but the theme runs deeper into lots of other scenarios too - this was just tonight’s situation!
My sibling is staying with me just now as there’s a situation going on in the background requiring it. They’re not the easiest person to deal with and that’s an understatement. There’s always a fair bit of questionable behaviour, huffing, tense conversations, with us treading on eggshells - a lot! They wind up my DC, 13, trying to be funny, and my DC has been giving it back, and then some.
Partly proud of DC sticking up for themselves but also a bit shocked at how harsh my DC can be - I’m not happy about the way DC is speaking at all, never mind the fact they are surprisingly harsh to sibling (much more harsh than sibling is) and I’ve spoken to them about it, saying it’s not ok behaviour from my sibling (and I’ve spoken to them too about it) but I’ve said to my DC I don’t want them speaking in the house the way they are at anyone, as it’s harsh and inappropriate and even if someone else behaves badly, it doesn’t mean they should.
Tonight, I asked my DC to get me a (non alcoholic) drink and asked DC to get one too for my sibling - they’re still a ‘guest’. A bit of ‘joking’ then started from the sibling to my DC and I said that DC would get them a drink if they said please (we were laughing and joking at the time). The request to say please started as a joke but sibling completely refused to say please to DC then sibling went in a bit of a huff.
I went to speak to DC and asked DC to get them a drink anyway. I feel really torn about all of this - if sibling can’t be pleasant and say please then they shouldn’t get a drink, but equally I don’t want us to behave as unpleasant as they do, and it just creates more drama and bad feeling if I get a drink and they don’t. I also don’t think sibling should behave this way and get away with it and I said they needed to just be pleasant to DC.
Sounds so stupid, but was I in the wrong to ask DC to get the drink when sibling couldn’t just say please? Should I have left sibling to sulk and suck it up and just try and ignore the huffing that would probably have followed?
Trying to navigate a hard period with as little drama as possible but don’t want to send wrong messages to DC! (I’m talking to DC about the challenges as much as possible but don’t want to completely mess up and for DC to think I’m not on their side!).
Any advice? Like I said, it’s really more about managing the ongoing challenges like this, I don’t want to let my DC down on this and for them to feel I’m not supporting them but of course, trying to keep the peace in my own house at this time.