Thank you for saying it to our faces...

[Runbunny]

What do you think are the chances this was genuine?

I have a group of friends I meet up with once a week for a specific activity. I think of them as good friends, we have a nice chat over coffee after, all get on, share quite a bit about our lives, but aren't in touch that much inbetween.

Last week some of them did something that upset me. I was having a bad week, which will have coloured my reaction to it, but I really was quite upset. I'm sure no one meant to upset me, but they were thoughtless and I was hurt.

The thing came up over coffee this morning, and I said "that really upset me actually, I'm over it now, but it upset me a lot at the time".

There was a calm discussion about how they didn't mean to/it couldn't be avoided (which I disagree with, but there we are) and they're sorry. All fine.

Then one said "thank you for telling us to our faces rather than moaning behind our backs"

At the time, I thought it was a nice thing to say, but then I wondered if they think I am someone who'd bitch behind their backs (I haven't) or whether it was laced with a bit of sarcasm.

I'm overthinking?

I think that was genuine. Don't waste any more time thinking about it.

You’re never going to know so just treat it as sincere and carry on with your life.
Well done for dealing with it the way you did.

I read this as they felt uncomfortable that you'd called them out and wanted to say something (anything) positive to make themselves feel better. I wouldn't overthink this.

I think she was applauding your honesty. Lots of people would never be that open in your situation, just moan about it to others.

I was once in a similar scenario and told a couple of people something had upset me. One was apologetic and said they could see what I was saying and they did thank me for my honesty. The other was less receptive!

I now have a very strong friendship with the first person as she knows I will always be honest. The second not so much.

A lot of people do just moan behind someone's back and it's nice to have a genuine friendship where you can actually be honest. So I think it was meant in a good way.

OK, thank you. I said I'm over it, in that I'm doing my best not to dwel on it, but I still think it was a horrible thing to do, so I wasn't entirely honest!

I'm intrigued as to what the thing was, OP.

They let me down over something. All had reasonable excuses, but I still see it as a choice. It was bad luck all round that they all had (different) stuff come up at the same time.

I think it probably was genuine. Treat it as genuine OP.

I think it was genuine too, and if there was any kind of dig involved, aimed towards someone else in the group who was present, and who is known for moaning behind other people's backs.

Sounds genuine. Move on and be pleased to have mature friendships.

Thank you. I didn't realise it was so unusual to tell friends what you're feeling!