Weird interaction with another mum?

[blankittyblank]

Had a slightly weird interaction with another mum yesterday, but don’t know if I am missing something

In the park, my son (8) threw a stone, which hit a boy (maybe around 4) on the leg. I didn’t see this happen I was in front of my son, but as soon as it happened he came and told me what he did and what happened. I look at the family and their son is in tears, obviously hurt, and they are looking furiously at me. Which is totally understandable.

So after telling my son off, I say to him we need to go over there and you need to apologise for what you did.

So we go over,
My son - sorry
Her - nothing
Me - we’re sorry, my son did a really naughty thing
Her - what am I supposed to do with that?

Is that a weird reaction? I said - well nothing, it’s an apology, but there’s nothing more we can do to make the situation better. And I told her that my son had to own it and apologise.

She then was just going on about how he threw a stone, was showing me the stone. I was saying I know, hence we’re apologising.

So this just kept happening and we ended up just walking off.

Is that all a bit weird? I suppose was expecting her to be cross, to tell us off, but the whole dismissal of the apology really threw me off! What else should we have done? I left feeling really confused and wound up by the whole thing!

Can I just add, since I gave taken my HRT, if I am absolutely honest, if it had been me, I probably would have given him a pound for some sweets and accepted the apology. Poor kid, unless he is a genuine psychopath or possessed, people really shouldn't be nasty about them in front of them. Those types of interactions can stay with you a long time. Now I wonder what the answers would have been if the stone had been thrown at a pigeon or a dog, I bet they would be much harsher 😀

Yeah I wondered if she was quite surprised by the fact we approached her and didn't really know what to say. But also, was very angry and didn't want to satisfy my apology!
But really interested to read all these other POVs : )

I don't really know why he was throwing it. I was also really confused why he was doing that. And I also don't agree with the names she's being called either - I'm posting to try to understand what she might have been feeling. I think the fact that she was obviously furious with us, and didn't want to accept any apology explains it. My kids have been hurt in parks by other kids and stuff over the years, and I've always understood kids are idiots and do this stuff sometimes, so I wouldn't have reacted in this way.
Also, the reason I was distracted at the time was because my eldest son has has leukemia and we're waiting on results. This is not at all relevant, and I never said this to her. But, it did also make me wonder what also might be going on her life too.

Nobody did anything too wrong here, your son was pissing about, as kids do, but he told you the truth as soon as something happened, you responded correctly, and made him apologise, she looked after her kid and didn't accept the apology, as is her right, and its probably a good lesson for your son that not everyone will accept an apology.

I wouldn't dwell on it too much.

When you apologise to someone, especially for doing something really quite bad (throwing a stone and hurting a much younger child), you are not entitled to a gracious response. You're not entitled to anything.

Your son should learn this, but more importantly, so should you, op.

I think the mum was expecting you to apologise to her for not supervising your son adequately. You might say most 8yos don't need close supervision, but then most 8yos don't throw stones.

She could have just been having a crap day. I think you’re overthinking it.

Actually that's a really good point. I should totally have apologised for not watching him and allowing it to happen. So simple, but you're totally right. thank you!

Yeah I know, but I'm also wondering how I can try to understand from her POV more. I'm pretty relaxed around stuff like this happening to my kids. But others aren't.
Anyway, the previous posted said I should have apologised for allowing it to happen - and I think that's hit the nail on the head :)

When something like that happens to me, all I expect is for the parent to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
She may have had the same reaction if you apologised for yourself instead of your son.
I think you just need to learn to live with the fact that sometimes people don’t want to accept an apology. That’s the way it goes.

Sorry if my tone was originally a bit judgey. But yeah when my dc does something naughty "on my watch", that affects another child, I apologise to the other parent because I should have prevented it.

Wait till her child accidentally or deliberately hurts someone else, hopefully she will follow your excellent example.
I've seen many dc hurt others at soft play play grounds etc and parents have barely noticed let alone made the child apologise. Well done op and well done to your son.

I would have really appreciated the apology.

Maybe she had other stuff going on or maybe just wasn't mature enough.

I disagree, BTW mine have never hurt anyone however I appreciate dc move fast!!

I once had a similar incident in a park where another child hit mine as he walked past him! The mum came over and said sorry to me and I just glared at her and said “yep”.
I then turned my focus back to my child and told him that it’s never ok for someone to hurt him on purpose and that the kid in question wasn’t very kind. I wasn’t going to say “it’s fine” or thank her, so I understand the other mum’s reaction. I’m glad you felt the need to say sorry though, as lots do not! However, it’s not her job to make you or your son feel better about what happened (none of which was her or her child’s fault) and she wasn’t aggressive or sweary.

Was it a good "sorry" from tour son, or a mumbled "My mum is making me say sorry type of sorry".

Depending on the day I'm having I might not graciously accept an apology for a boy who is old enough to know better throwing a stone at my pre schooler and making them cry either.

I'd be mortified if my 8 year old had done this, and would be more like "I'm so, so sorry. I took my eyes off him, but goodness he knows not to throw stones anyway! I'm taking him home now, sorry again".

It's probably a good lesson, although it might not feel like it now.

This happened to me. My child was hurt and the mum came over to apologise, even though I was fuming I kind of brushed it off with a 'thanks, it's ok' - it wasn't ok and I was annoyed with myself.

Think if you'd said something like 'I'm sorry this happened, he knows better, hope your son will be ok' and left it at that, it might have felt better all round.

It was a bit of a shit apology from him to be fair. He said sorry to the boy, but it wasn't particularly heartfelt! Which I was going to address and then it all got a bit weird. But also, totally fine for her to not accept it or care. Which is of course her right too!

It wasn't judgey at all! It was fair, and you're right

She was really pissed off and didn't feel a sorry made it any better. It didn't make it ok for her.

I'm such a teacher.

I always respond, 'thank you for your apology. Being sorry means this never happens again.'

As an aside- [and this isn't a dig at the op, I feel like I gave her a hard time with my first comment!] I never ask my dd to apologise to another child. I bollock my dd in view of the victim and then apologise to the parent on her behalf and dd sometimes spontaneously echoes my apology if she genuinely feels remorse.

It gets my goat when a kid does something bad to my dd, and the parent marches the kid back, and beams proudly when their kid performatively apologises, and then (presumably) waits for me to prompt my dd to forgive him, or for me to praise him for apologising. I never prompt my dd to performatively-forgive the other child. It's like they think an apology erases the issue completely.

It's happened to us so many times. It winds me up the same as when a kid hits dd and the other parent says uselessly in a singsong voice "gentle hands!"

I know I'm in a minority though.

If you feel that your son knows what he did was wrong and he won't do it again, then I think just don't worry about her reaction and move on. In my 11 years as a mum, I have come across some parents who appear to believe that no child will ever be hurt in play accept by horrible little psychopaths who love hurting others. I don't know where they get this from, but you and I and most parents, know that most children occasionally do stupid stuff that doesn't end well. Those in the minority just have to be ignored.

She should have at least made some effort to acknowledge his apology, even if she did feel it wasn't enough, and that you had taken the trouble to go over there and talk to her.

I expect she's just not a particularly nice person.

She was rightly pissed off, an apology doesn't stop the 4 year old being upset, imagine if it had hit him in the eye/head.

I was pissed off when my son was stamped in at a soft play centre. Mum and son apologised but didn't make things better- if the parent was parenting, it wouldn't have happened. Was I really wanted to do was stamp on her and then apologise.