It’s been going on for nearly 20 years, since I moved out the family home in my late teens.
for some context, I was adopted as a young teen, and I’ve forever felt like I was treat differently to that of her biological children.
she forever snipes at me (I don’t have many memories of leaving her company without feeling irritated, upset or annoyed due to this). She criticises my parenting, offering it as ‘in jest’ but after a terrible childhood anything negative said about my parenting when I try my absolute best hits especially hard.
shes rude to her friends, my siblings and me about our body image - everyone bar me lets her get away with it, saying, oh it’s just how she is, she doesn’t mean it!
now we have our own children, I can’t help but feel she treats her biological children different to my son. She doesn’t see him (I tried for years when he was younger but she wasn’t interested and would barely make any effort when she did). Now he’s older he doesn’t want to see her but she also never asks nor tries.
She sees her biological grandchildren only when asked and probably does the bare minimum too but I refuse to ask her if she wants to spend time with her grandchild.
in the rare times she’s looked after my son, she’s often late, doesn’t do anything with him and the last straw was her double booking the childcare and chosing her friend over her grandson. I haven’t asked for anything since and that was nearly a year ago,
we easily go months without seeing or speaking to her and then we see her for mere minutes and there’s always some level of sniping at me which starts up all of the internal battles I have with regards to the relationship.
ive tried setting boundaries as she turns up unannounced whenever is good for her but she ignores them and doesn’t listen to anything I request,
it absolutely breaks my heart, she’s never going to be the parent I need or want, she’s not emotionally available so just isn’t aware of anything that she does to me nor do I think talking to her about it will go well as she’s so defensive,
i just feel like she doesn’t care, and I just long for a parent that actually wants me. I’m at a loss and I don’t know what to do.
i guess im hoping there are others who’ve got similar experiences and how to navigate it (even if that’s ultimately going NC). I need to look after my own mental wellbeing and I absolutely cut myself up daily that my parent doesn’t care; love or even want me when we chose each other.