Realised today I have friends, but no close friends

[KarmaIs]

I’m feeling sad as I realised I had some amazing, potentially life changing news today and I have no friends to share it with or get excited about it with.

I think I just really struggle with friendships, always the acquaintance, never the close friend.

I’m married, late 40s, two primary aged children. My husband is fantastic and I guess he is my best friend, he’s my biggest cheerleader and supporter.

I work full time in a professional career. Keep myself to myself and work fully remotely (US company and I am only employee in U.K.). Rarely do school drop offs and never really got to know the other parents. Friendly enough, been out for occasional drinks but never really formed a bond. Don’t seem to have a lot in common with them other than having children the same age.

Do a few hobbies but struggled with a club that had a bitchy clique and fell out with the person I’d describe as the Queen Bee after I called her out on something after she suggested we meet at a different place to what we’d told somebody as she said they were crap at the sport and wouldn’t keep up, and that way we wouldn’t have them tagging along but could pass it off as a misunderstanding - I was disappointed while people privately agreed with me, nobody wanted to make a fuss for fear of the fall out, I do things with some of the club members but I’m no longer in it.

I do several sports and see people regularly, but wouldn’t message them outside of doing that sport if that makes sense. I can always find people if I fancy a game of tennis or to go out for a run. I just don’t have close friends to talk rubbish with and share day to day life. If I wanted to go out for say a birthday meal, I’d have nobody to invite other than DH and my children. I’m just sad I had nobody to share my news with today.

I had a group of NCT friends but while some of them remain close, we haven’t met as a group for years. The ones who stayed close worked part time and lived close together. Very similar lives. They go for breaks in all inclusive Spanish resorts whereas I’m more likely to go hiking and camping in Scotland.

I feel I just never quite fit. Yet would say I have lots of pleasant acquaintances.

No advice but just to say you’re not alone I feel exactly the same. I live in a village and constantly wander round thinking how have people developed these really close relationships. I do all the small talk but it sort of remains at the superficial level - I’m never a person of choice for anyone. But how wonderful to have such a supportive husband and people to enjoy your hobbies with. Also congratulations on your news

Same here, just get on with family life. Read all the threads on here about falling out with friends. Not worth the bother.

I think part of the problem is trying to make new friends as an adult is difficult. As kid/adolescent/student you are surrounded by lots people your own age (and probably social class) all free and single. By 30s and 40s many people will already have either well established friendship groups or are very busy with family life - kids/partners/elderly parents/work to have the time to meet/make/get to know new friends. It is difficult. Could you start doing school runs? Volunteer for a local group? Get a dog and regularly do local walks?

Congratulations on your good news by the way 🙂

What about your life when you were a child, at school, uni etc. did you not have any friends then either?

I've rarely had close friends in my life. I was never anyone's best friend at school, although had many I thought were mine. At uni was probably the last time I had a close friend, I moved in with her for second and third year, but we haven't spoken since and that was 15 years ago! Work - no, they're my colleagues, we have vastly different lives. I wouldn't have anyone to be my bridesmaids, let's say. I have my partner of over a decade and we are very close. I don't feel lonely. I prefer my own company most of the time.

I feel like that too. Like I don't have anyone really close to just be silly with. But also share big moments. Apart from DH, and my mum.
My two closest friends seem to have ghosted me. One moved away but still kept in touch, the other still lives nearby. But neither have responded to my messages now for over a year. It's made me feel sad. Another is lovely but hundreds of miles away.
I'm an only child, no kids, cousins are all male and 15 years plus older, mostly live abroad.
One that lives near me, his wife told me that if I was feeling vulnerable and needed moral support .I wouldn't be welcome in their home. She said they would 'meet me in the street'?
I wish I could make some new friends, but it feels hard at middle age.
I'm sorry I don't really have advice but giving a hand hold as I know how you feel.

I don’t have a best friend……probably have 8 people I would message with life changing news ( aside from family) …..these are people I meet for coffee….go to theatre with…..go to festivals with….go for walks with….have over for lunch…..the other people I meet up with in groups at the pub or for meals aren’t really friends as such….just people I know and like but don’t like enough to be arsed making more of an effort to develop a friendship….I’m 59 now…..it’s all too much of an effort making friends

No, I had best friends at Primary School but by secondary became more of an outcast, on the edge of friendships. I had a very difficult time at home and through therapy as an adult can see how it impacted me as a person. I had friends, I’m still in touch with several and very occasionally meet up with one of them for a coffee, but we only exchange messages every 6 months or so.

It’s good to know I’m not alone feeling like this. And day to day I’m not lonely. Last week for example I went out for drinks twice without DH, and met up with friends to do two different sports on two other evenings, but none of those were personal invites, just via WA groups I’m in. I wouldn’t message any of those my news. I’m also self conscious it looks like bragging, even though I worked hard for it.