I liked a friend/colleague around 8 months ago, and thought he did too. I don't think it was in my head, as I could say any guy fancies me. He paid special attention to me, complimented me, flirted and talked to me a lot, as in almost daily. Mutual friends said he liked me too.
We went for a casual lunch together once and he told me he'd really enjoyed it and wanted to do it next week.
The day after this I took the plunge and texted him suggesting a date. He replied not saying no, but one of those 'ill let you know' texts which was a polite brush off. I replied 'ok, no problem' :) and never mentioned it again.
A few days later carried on texting him as normal with no intention to ask him out or mention it again, but he was being super quiet and off. I said to him I hoped I hadn't made things uncomfortable or anything, and he insisted no of course not.
A few days later he was back to normal and we resumed our talking, and hanging out.
When we went out, without me saying a word he started telling me how he refuses to date colleagues and discouraged a friend from doing the same. He said he'd done it years ago and never again.
We had a good time hanging out and then he was quiet and distant again after. I didn't say anything weird, I didn't make suggestive comments/innuendos, I didn't touch him etc. I might've mildly flirted but so did he. It made me feel stupid.
I couldn't deal with the hot and cold so I ended up telling him I was a bit confused by it all, that maybe we should distance a bit (I know that was such a stupid thing to say but the hot and cold was messing with my head and I just wanted to move on from it)
He said that it really wasn't me but that he was just not interested in dating at work (office environment). He said he hoped it wouldn't be awkward.
I replied that I'd never be awkward or anything with him and that whilst it was a shame I definitely understood about the work thing. Then just some generic pleasantries.
Then after that we had the occasional convo here and there but it just wasn't the same at all. It's not been the same since sadly, I was more upset to lose the friendship than the dating thing.
As I say this was over half a year ago. We ended up getting back in contact at one point and I apologised if I'd made anything awkward/changed things between us and he said no not at all (deja vu)
Things seemed to be alright. We would message sometimes but I kept a distance. I noticed that if I didn't message first, he wouldn't.
I really scaled everything back and he became more of a casual acquaintance, like if I saw him around I'd have a friendly chat.
He messaged me for my birthday and said he'd come out to celebrate my birthday so that was good. Then he started ignoring a few messages.
Since he rejected me I have never mentioned it whatsoever, I respected what he said and have dated other people etc. and had other crushes. I haven't flirted or anything or asked to meet alone, and we've mainly talked about work, hobbies etc.
However I could see that he still seemed distant, he'd never initiate any meeting or speak to me unless I did first, so I just decided to stop bothering as he was probably just trying to be polite, and if he'd stopped replying it was pointless.
By chance I bumped into him in town, well I'd seen him earlier with another colleague and he asked why I hadn't gone over. I was having a bit of a low point back then too, and I ended up telling him that I got vibes he didn't really want me to talk to him etc. I wasn't rude or aggressive, just said what I felt.
He insisted it wasn't personal and said he 'kept forgetting '. However he'd initially wanted my number and then didn't want me to text him but wanted to text a guy we work with, stuff like that.
I told him that I did understand and that he didn't owe me anything etc.
He then said it wasn't personal and wasn't just me. I just told him it was fine and not to worry about it. He suggested we go for coffee the following week. One week later I messaged asking when he wanted to do the coffee, but he never replied. I decided to not take it personally and just leave it.
I didn't talk to him much for nearly 2 months, then I bumped into him once or twice. I was friendly and we had a quick catch up.
Then 2 days ago I saw him in town again. We ended up having a drink and had a great chat. I sent him a quick text saying 'It was great to catch up earlier! I wanted to say I was sorry for kinda getting upset in town that time but I was just going through a bit of a low point, all's good now though. See you next week!'
He didn't reply.
I know I don't need to always apologise, but I felt stupid for getting a bit upset in front of him, I was just struggling a bit with my mental health but that's improved now.
I just feel like he has blown hot and cold all the time. I was sad about the friendship initially but I'm kind of not even bothered at this point. He hs apparently been single for almost 8 years and he's in his early 30s. All this seems to have stemmed from me asking him on a date.
Luckily I've got other friends to focus on, I just can't be bothered and as I say we barely speak as it is anymore. I don't know what I'm looking for here, just a vent?
I feel like I've been really intense and OTT, he manages to make me feel embarrassed every time. Please be gentle with me and thanks for reading.