Advice how to change my mindset

[Purples95]

Hi everyone, please no judgement as I’m genuinely here for advice as I feel like what I’m doing isn’t right.

So I have a very stressful life. I won’t get into it too much but I am fed up most of the time and go through periods where I lose motivation for everything.

On Saturdays, I have started having a few drinks. Never to the point where I am actually drunk but to where I get a bit of a “buzz” and where things I have to deal with don’t seem as bad or stressful. It’s just gone 12:30 and I’ve had 3 drinks. Definitely not drunk and not even tipsy but I’ve got that “buzz” feeling that has lifted my spirits.

I know this isn’t ideal at all and would love to hear some suggestions on how to improve my life with out having to look forward to Saturdays where I can have a few drinks.

Admit you have a problem with alcohol and speak to your GP about depression. You sound as though stress has tipped over into depression for you. Alcohol is a depressant so it's not going to benefit you.

Don't start medicating with alcohol. It is so destructive once you get hooked.

I'm a single mum, work full time, full time care of ds. I'm flat out most of the time and sometimes it can feel like a struggle but...

I park run on a Saturday morning. I'm old and not fit, so no great shakes, but that hour is my time. DS (15) is usually still asleep so I run in the cool and the fresh air, at my pace, it's my thinking time. Sometimes I'll chat to a few of the regulars. Normally I just put my brain in neutral and get rid of the stress.

On Sundays I usually find a couple of hours to do stuff that I like, and during the week, I try to wake up half an hour early so I can make myself a decent coffee and take it back to bed. I fling the windows open, listen to the birdsong and drink my nice coffee from my cafetiere in peace. Again, it's my time.

I think you need to set time aside for you that is non negotiable, even if it's only 30 mins. Paint your nails or have a decent coffee, listen to some music, soak in a bath. Whatever helps you relax.

It is so easy to say get more exercise and quality time to yourself but it's harder to do, having said that it is genuinely the key to mental and physical wellbeing.

In the long run you need to examine what is making your life so stressful and hard and look for ways to reduce the stress. However, when you're already in overwhelm mode it is hard to see this clearly. Talking to someone can help you to clarify this.

Taking some time to get yourself out of overwhelm is the first step. Some practical ideas... Get your shopping delivered and DO NOT put alcohol in the online basket. You are only likely to drink booze, if you have it in the house, you are less likely to buy it if you are not physically in the shop.

If 12.30 is your trigger time (when you think it's an acceptable time to start drinking) be out at 12.30. If you drive, go for a long drive to a good walking spot. Knowing you need to drive home will stop you drinking.

Write in a journal. In the absence of therapy it can be quite a helpful way to clarify your thoughts and feelings about the things in life that are making you stressed.

Thanks everyone. You’ve been helpful. Will definitely take some suggestions on board

I just feel like my whole life is a mess. I have 2 DC. Youngest has severe asd and also has adhd. Their dad is unsupportive, goes out as soon as the opportunity arises and then when I try to speak to him about things and tell him how fed up I am, he ends up turning things back on me. Zero sympathy from him. Never a thanks for an everything I do. House is a shit hole. Not dirty but messy and I am often overwhelmed and DS has broken and ruined everything in the house

That sounds tough.

Does your husband bring anything positive to the household?

Do you get any outside support for your son's disability?

@Jumblebum He does help with the kids when he’s here but he goes out all day everyday Saturday to play football then on Tuesdays and Thursdays he trains after work

DS goes to nursery 15 hours a week. I’m very grateful to have parents who are always happy to help