Health visitor/baby groups

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When I had my first child. I had a HV she was constantly on to.me about baby groups. I did try a couple and I absolutely hated them. In the end I had to be really firm

Now dd is late 20s has a child herself now dd gets the same from her HV . She's constantly onto her about baby groups. To the point it's almost boarding on harassment. She sends dd messages such as. Please book a toddler group session at xx . Let me know when you have done it. Or I have let xx baby group know you are coming. Or I will come with you. Dd once went to get her baby jabs done and HV put her arm across the door so DD could not leave and started on about play group again.

What is this big thing about play groups that seem to be so important in HV world it's almost like it's a life or death choice .

I absolutely hated them when I was a young mum and so does dd . I know others like them . Which is fine but why such heavy pressure. Dd has explained that she does other stuff with her son.

Hi there, not sure if relevant or helpful, but this Facebook post has some example responses.

That HV sounds bananas. Why is she still contacting your DD? She should not be afraid to tell her no, absolutely not.

It is like some of them are broken records. The HV I had with my DS was worth her weight in gold for her kindness and advice but the one I've got for DD now repeatedly says I should take her to breastfeeding support groups - even though she is feeding fine (is very chubby) and I BF DS for 2 years. Very odd behaviour.

I feel the same as you about playgroups. I took DS at 15 months to one playgroup once with a neighbour and her baby. It was awful - crowded and chaotic. Bigger children kept snatching any toy ours showed an interest in and we all came home with the flu. Much later on DS and I went to some smaller song/dancing classes which we enjoyed very much.

Dd hv had not left het alone since her baby was practically born from about 6 weeks she was at her. Baby not even sitting up. Or very awear of the world.

I didn’t go to any baby groups or classes - not my thing. I’d suggest your DD firmly telling the HV that she does not want to go to the groups and the subject is closed. If it is raised again, you’ll put in a formal complaint.

That's really weird - is your DD struggling in any way? Baby classes were a lifeline for me in terms of getting out of the house and talking to adults, but they're not for everyone. I had my HV's phone number, could your DD text her that she's not interested so it's in writing?

Baby groups are great if otherwise you are on your own all the time (due to partner working and no-one else are free during the day also due to work) and not really sure what to do with a baby. But not everyone needs that kind of support.

Dd has told her over and over again. She does not listen. Dd has put it in writing this time not as a complaint . But just in writing so there's proof .

Is the health visitor concerned about your daughter? Does she feel she is isolated or low in mood and hoping socialisation would help her? It's not the best approach but I'd wonder if she is trying to support her.

I'm 30 and have always hated baby groups, I forced myself to go to one last Thursday, it was a rhyme time group, everyone there clearly knew each other and not one person spoke to me or even acknowled my existence. I will never go back, it's not for some people, some people love it, some don't.

I had one like this but in our case I didn't want to take DS as he had been in neonatal for months and had been home for about 2 months at the time. He was born 12 weeks early and spent four and a half months in neonatal. It was the middle of winter and our consultant told us to be cautious with him due to him having lung issues.

This batty old woman would not shut up about poxy baby groups though.

Your daughter needs to be firm, it's a good practice point for firmness with interfering PTA mums, teachers and others 😂

Even with DD I found them soul sucking hellholes when I gave in. Our local one was in a church hall and they got mardy because I was unmarried!

Tell her to say she is looking into groups for the right fit for them both and will let her know when she decides. Then speak to the team responsible for HVs and ask for a replacement HV. It's really easy to do, I did it with our batty one and ended up with an absolute star of a HV after that.

Dd does have some needs but . Trying to force someone in to a play group is not the answer and it would give the complete opposite to what's going somed for . Dd would close down . Put barriers up and completely back of. It panicked her abd does her no good what so ever.

Dd is not isolated she mixes with friends and people with baby's just nlt in a play group setting

I've barely seen a Health Visitor, never mind had one text me repeatedly. The service seems to vary so much across different areas. They must see your daughter as particularly vulnerable for some reason?

Yes its never changed it was the same in the 90s

I don't think it reaches people in the right way . But I don't have the answer

You go because you're lonely only to go and be lonely 😂 these two particular women were cooing over how they couldn't believe the others son was almost 3 as she remembered her bringing him at 5 weeks old 😂😂 I can't compete with that nor do I want to, I went once and hated it, f going for 3 years straight

You know your experience isn't universal?

I went to baby groups as I had moved to a new area and knew no one. I met friends who I am still friends with now a decade later. They live locally and we help each other with emergencies, childcare etc.

I'm not saying the OP's daughter should go to groups. That's up to her but some have good experiences of groups as well as bad.

I agree otherwise they would not exist. Some people really like them. And are lucky to make friends like you have which is lovely

Some are awful very clicky. If your face don't fit. And to be blunt Some are up their own arse . And to be stuck in a room with people like that no thank you .

My son is 9 my daughter is 4 and I have an almost 2 year old daughter, I've been to my fair share of baby groups not once has anyone ever made me feel welcome or spoken to me EVER they always stay in their little cliches and ignore me. At the park, theme parks, swimming, library someone always speaks to me so it's not that I'm unapproachable they just already have their friends