We moved house 6 months ago. We had planned a fairly decent extension to the kitchen. For various (mainly financial!) reasons we have revised down our ideas, basically trying to do the minimum that we can while still getting the space we need. However quite what the minimum would be is hard to gauge. We would also like a second bathroom or at least a second toilet, but again where to do this within the extension, whether to do it at all, or whether to wait a few years and add it to the dormer upstairs are all questions we need to answer. How big the extension should be to give us enough room is also something to figure out. I want to be modest and not over stretch, but also don't want to spend £££ and end up with something not big enough.
DH has some knowledge of building due to his trade (though he's not a general builder so his knowledge is narrowly focused to his trade however it's relevant). But he just won't offer a bloody opinion! I think about it a lot, am considering different ideas. Ultimately though my skill set is an entirely different sector. He is engaged when I show him but tends to say "I don't know" when it comes down to it. Nothing is happening and no options are either on or off the table! Even if the plan is wait til next summer and make the space we have usable for now, that would also be reasonable. I just want to come to the decision together. I do all the mental load stuff too so it's starting to piss me off.
When we bought the house it needed a lot doing to it before we could move in and he did most of the physical work, he was engaged in discussion and back then when planning what we might do extension wise he was also actively engaged. He has form for decision/analysis paralysis so it was a real relief and I thought he might come into his own. To have a partner offer opinions on what would work, and be enthusiastic, was so good. But now we're here it's fully tapered off again. I think in general if it was up to him we'd end up never doing anything, no holidays, no decorating, no updating. Etc.
I know his work is hard and isn't making him happy. I think maybe everything else is making him overwhelmed. But it's not making me happy having half the house such a mess and almost not usable. I also think we'd all be happier in a nicer space. I don't think his concern is financial as I manage the finances. I'm not asking for a sprawling top end extension. Just a kitchen that actually has some storage and worktop, and maybe another loo.
I hate feeling like all decisions are on me because it's such a responsibility. But I don't know how to approach it with him. Usually we can talk fine.
I don't know why I'm posting really. Has anyone else experienced this? Tips to communicate?