Page 2 | School favouritism….

Blinkingbonkers · 2024-07-18T14:50:55+00:00

Yeah, I know “only the failures believe it exists” but actually we all know it’s there - rare yes, but it does exist. I have a child who genuinely tries their best at all they do and is pretty good at a couple of sports/school groups and is ALWAYS overlooked. If I complain then it’ll look like I’m some sort of arrogant tiger mother so of course I won’t. And yes, I can & do chat to dc about dealing with disappointment and how this often happens in life and they should get used to it & use it to prove them wrong…but it doesn’t stop me feeling really bad for them. For the past 3 years they have gone above and beyond in an effort to prove themselves, not just at school but out of school too - for this particular teacher it’s never enough. I think dc is just going to pursue it out of school now which is a shame and a waste… dc has been told they’re not wanted to participate in the team for next year before we’ve even got to the end of this term. It’s flipping nuts… URGHHH - can someone just encourage me with some positivity so I can pass it on to dc?!! Thank you…

Jennaxoxox · 23/07/2024 14:18

I excelled at school too and had a couple of teachers treat me like that. I was quite annoying I suppose, Hermione Granger type 🤣🤣 did well without even trying. I was never bothered by it because I knew that they knew I was good at (insert activity) 🤣 tell DC to always do their best, even when not rewarded for it EVERYONE can see that they should have been 🥳✌️

Lillush · 23/07/2024 19:15

If it's a hobby or sport your dc is serious about then they will need to pursue it outside of school eventually so best to start now and get ahead, gain a lot more varied experience than the school can offer, good luck with it

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 23/07/2024 20:43

EnidSpyton · 23/07/2024 07:42

As a teacher, I think you should encourage your child to speak directly to the teacher.

I teach Drama and do a lot of school productions, so I am in a position where I have to select or not select students for opportunities on a regular basis. I choose based on talent, but also on enthusiasm and dedication. Some children who are quieter and less openly interested and do a good audition are still going to get a part, but I might be reluctant to give them a big role if I’m not sure how committed they’re going to be. I also have to consider their academic performance, as being in an extracurricular production takes up a lot of time and if they’re already struggling to keep up academically, then I do have to liaise with Heads of Year and decide whether it’s in the child’s best interests to be given a big role.

Therefore, there is more to teachers’ choices than just how good a child is at something - there may well be stuff going on behind the scenes that is influencing the teacher’s decision not to select your child. Maybe they are quieter and have shown no outward sign of being that dedicated to their activity. Maybe they are considered unreliable/flaky. Maybe they muck about during practice. Maybe the teacher has been instructed not to include them in a team because they have too much on academically and there is concern they won’t manage to juggle both.

That being said, I absolutely know that favouritism and bias exists and I have to constantly check myself in this area - it’s why I always invite two members of staff to attend auditions with me so that we have a fair and balanced selection process. So there could also be the reality that the teacher does have their favourites and they need to be pulled up on it.

The way to move forward, however, is to communicate. For me, this is a situation where I’d expect the child to step up and come and speak to me (if they are the age I think your child is - you’ve said upper secondary so I’m assuming 15+). ‘Miss/Sir, I love x activity so much, I’ve been trying really hard to improve my skills and show my dedication to the team, I’ve been at every practice and I also joined a team outside of school because I love it so much. I don’t understand why I’m not being chosen and it’s making me feel really down because it matters to me so much to be part of this team. Please can you explain to me what I need to do to get into the team?’ The teacher might have no idea your child feels this way. Standing up for themselves, having the courage to speak up personally rather than getting a parent to do it for them, will be powerful evidence of their commitment. Most teachers would be impressed by that and then find some way to ensure the child gets some kind of opportunity in future.

Teachers aren’t mind readers and we have a lot of students we are interacting with on a daily basis. Sometimes we miss things, and sometimes we can be guilty of overlooking or not appreciating individual students enough. In a big secondary school, you can’t afford to sit back and wait to be noticed - some teachers, depending on their subject, might interact with 500 students per week. So you’ve got to communicate and advocate. And the older your child is, the more effective it becomes for them to do this for themselves.

I think this is really good advice. Kids need to learn to advocate for themselves constructively too so perhaps discuss and offer to arrange and attend a meeting with your child. You can break the ice and intervene if you feel he/she is not being heard? I presume he/she attends PT meetings with you so this should not be too much of a shock to the system.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 23/07/2024 20:49

EnidSpyton · 23/07/2024 07:42

As a teacher, I think you should encourage your child to speak directly to the teacher.

I teach Drama and do a lot of school productions, so I am in a position where I have to select or not select students for opportunities on a regular basis. I choose based on talent, but also on enthusiasm and dedication. Some children who are quieter and less openly interested and do a good audition are still going to get a part, but I might be reluctant to give them a big role if I’m not sure how committed they’re going to be. I also have to consider their academic performance, as being in an extracurricular production takes up a lot of time and if they’re already struggling to keep up academically, then I do have to liaise with Heads of Year and decide whether it’s in the child’s best interests to be given a big role.

Therefore, there is more to teachers’ choices than just how good a child is at something - there may well be stuff going on behind the scenes that is influencing the teacher’s decision not to select your child. Maybe they are quieter and have shown no outward sign of being that dedicated to their activity. Maybe they are considered unreliable/flaky. Maybe they muck about during practice. Maybe the teacher has been instructed not to include them in a team because they have too much on academically and there is concern they won’t manage to juggle both.

That being said, I absolutely know that favouritism and bias exists and I have to constantly check myself in this area - it’s why I always invite two members of staff to attend auditions with me so that we have a fair and balanced selection process. So there could also be the reality that the teacher does have their favourites and they need to be pulled up on it.

The way to move forward, however, is to communicate. For me, this is a situation where I’d expect the child to step up and come and speak to me (if they are the age I think your child is - you’ve said upper secondary so I’m assuming 15+). ‘Miss/Sir, I love x activity so much, I’ve been trying really hard to improve my skills and show my dedication to the team, I’ve been at every practice and I also joined a team outside of school because I love it so much. I don’t understand why I’m not being chosen and it’s making me feel really down because it matters to me so much to be part of this team. Please can you explain to me what I need to do to get into the team?’ The teacher might have no idea your child feels this way. Standing up for themselves, having the courage to speak up personally rather than getting a parent to do it for them, will be powerful evidence of their commitment. Most teachers would be impressed by that and then find some way to ensure the child gets some kind of opportunity in future.

Teachers aren’t mind readers and we have a lot of students we are interacting with on a daily basis. Sometimes we miss things, and sometimes we can be guilty of overlooking or not appreciating individual students enough. In a big secondary school, you can’t afford to sit back and wait to be noticed - some teachers, depending on their subject, might interact with 500 students per week. So you’ve got to communicate and advocate. And the older your child is, the more effective it becomes for them to do this for themselves.

Great response @EnidSpyton
Everyone with children at school needs to read this!

POTC · 25/07/2024 17:51

Sometimes I think you do need to raise it. I had no idea just how much one particular teacher was against my son as he hadn't been telling me what was being said. By the time I found out it was too late and affected his gcse results.
The teacher started in January 2020. In November 2019 my son received a level 7 in his mock exam for this subject, he wanted to go on to do it at alevel. Covid happened and teachers were asked to create grades for students. Then the government announced they could be awarded their mock grades. Then they backtracked and went with teacher decision, removing the right to appeal at the same time.
My son was given a 5 for this subject, the lowest grade he received across the board by 2 levels. It prevented him from going to anywhere other than the 6th form attached to his school, where this same teacher would be teaching him. Only then did my son tell me that not long after starting the teacher told him that as far as he was concerned my son didn't deserve anything above a 4, so it could have been even worse!
My son asked me not to make a fuss so I didn't, but I did say that if he was staying on then he had to take the exam for that subject in the October as that was offered to them. I felt that he needed to prove to this teacher he was worth the higher grade, especially as we had no idea whether alevels would go to teacher awarded grades too!
He sat the exam. He got his 7, two marks off an 8. He completed his a levels and is now taking a degree in the subject, two years in and hes at 2:1 level so far.
That teacher is no longer a teacher.
I really wish that I had taken it further, who knows how many other students suffered unduly low grades or felt demoralised just because that teacher took against them!

DandeTigers · 25/07/2024 21:25

Your ds showed some serious grit and resilience. The teacher sounds useless, what an appalling experience. Your ds will do great with his hard works and attitude.

School favouritism….

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