Life in our 40s

[WTPIM]

Sometimes I wonder what’s happened to me, but when I see others on here say things like ‘Since I turned 40, I don’t care about …..’ I wonder if it’s just normal.

When I was younger I cared a lot about people, I was a people pleaser, always showed up for people, helpful, saw the best in people, very calm person, non-confrontational.
Simultaneously I went through some horrific things, life really has not been an easy ride for me in any aspect of my life.

Now I’m in my 40s I’m a different person completely. I don’t people please, I’m quite cynical and I don’t much like people. I also don’t care much. I only care about my DC, that’s my limit. I feel angry a lot of the time. If someone pisses me off, most of the time they know about it. It’s like a switch has been flipped. I don’t recognise myself a lot of the time. My emotions are also often on a rollercoaster.

I also have physical symptoms - brain fog. My forgetfulness is another level. I used to be good at remembering faces, but now I’ve become someone who is really bad at it. I don’t mean friends and family’s faces, but neighbours who I don’t see much, random people from the past, people I’ve been recently introduced to. If I’m cooking and someone interrupts me I forget what time the food is meant to be ready, even though I was sharp in the past. It upsets me because even some of my children’s memories like when they spoke their first word have also completely faded.

I also get terrible night sweats, very dry skin when it used to be very oily, constipation, fatigue, strange sensations on my skin - sudden cold patches, sudden hot patches, shooting pains, thinning hair, general aches and pains.

Is this normal for my mid-40s? Do any of you relate about feeling like a different person? I sometimes wonder when women talk about their 40s, do they mean the changes are subtle or more obvious like mine? I can’t work out if a hard life has changed me, if it’s peri or if it’s something else, or if it’s a combination of a few things.

your experiences and some words of wisdom will be appreciated!

I’m very much the same person, with my own beliefs, values and style. But l worry less about what others think of me, unless l have done wrong to them.

Oh, and these days l often have sex with my glasses on 😎. It’s nice to see who you are with.

It's a creeping disinterest in the human species

This is a good way of putting it @taaaaaakkkeee 😂

@YearningForThe90sBecauseIMissDad anxiety and disrupted sleep were the first obvious signs for me - HRT reset my sleep within days, and the anxiety definitely decreased. Good luck, I hope your GP is sympathetic.

Sorry... I don't recognise this in myself or most of my friends (although some have always been irritable, miserable gits!)

I'm 48 and although am dreading hitting 50, am still living the life I lead in my 30s and 40s. As friends, we meet up loads and I'm out every weekend for meals or drinks. The kids have left home so we have so much freedom to exercise, have hobbies and go out when we want.

Life may not start at 40 but it most definitely doesn't have to end at 40!

I think I'm going through it early. DS yesterday got upset with me, he said I'm argumentative and obnoxious. If I'm angry I talk about it loudly and people give me mucky looks. I thanked him for the feedback, then ran straight to tell DH who couldn't stop laughing.
He has a point. I'm really tetchy and spend more time talking to the pets since they are the only ones that don't piss me off.
I'm still cycling but it's different, heavier and clotty. More pain weirdly, bloating and dryness down there. I haven't been to GP I might get a private blood test. It's shit.

Identify with a lot of this although I feel so much better and happier in general since starting HRT 4 years ago. I still have periods btw! This is perimenopause, which by definition means you're still having periods (or at least have had one in the last year.) It's not menopause until your periods have bid farewell for a time.
Despite hrt (and therapy) I do still feel residual annoyance and ennui at anything outside my tight inner circle of family/ closest friends and my career, but I wonder if that is down to the state of the country/ the world and my slightly doomy feelings about the future of the planet and civilisation. I overthink now in a way that I never used to ( but suspect that might just be one of those things that happens when you become a parent and you have to give a shit about more things in a selfish sense.) I also live with a chronic illness (which will one day get me, but hopefully not for decades yet) and I think that out 40s does bring a sense of existential misery as we come to terms either our own mortality and the reality of losing our peers etc.
Get yourself to the GP and know that you are not alone.

Get yourself to the GP and know that you are not alone.

This is probably the good direction I needed. Thanks. I'll give it a go. Hope everyone ok today.

Thank you for the responses, it’s made me feel less alone.

I think it’s partly circumstantial too for me. My DC are still in Primary and their behaviour can be challenging. I have a chronic illness like a pp (though my symptoms are unrelated) , difficult (abusive) extended family and it’s all compounded by this bloody perimenopause or whatever the hell it is. I feel totally burnt out and today has been particularly bad. I felt crazy today. Have shouted and cried and just feel like I want the world to stop so I can get off it. 😭

To add to the above - my children were in school when I shouted and cried, they weren’t here, it was my DH who copped it!

I'm 54, part way through menopause, and thankfully haven't suffered too badly. Night sweats and hot flushes have now stopped. I never did have a low mood. I'm definitely less tolerant of nonsense, but in an older and wiser sense, I would never be rude to anyone. Most of my friends have been okay, barring two, and they both have small children, so I wonder if that has something to do with it (less time to chill?) My own kids left home before I was 50.

Whilst it's good that the menopause is more openly discussed, I do wonder if watching too many videos, and listening to endless podcasts about it, might actually not be doing some women any favours. Because they are full of doom and gloom. Then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. You rarely hear from the women who sail through it, and at least half of all women do.

Yes it’s based on symptoms not cessation of periods

Oh lovely! Have an unmumsnetty hug. I hear you.