One of those seemed like a good idea at the time decision...

[Coastering]

DH and I had a favourite place that we used to go to often, for a shared active hobby. Our DC also enjoyed it and there's one particular challenge we were always going to do as a family "when DC are old enough".

As it happened, once DC were old enough DH's health was declining and he was unable to do it. He died 3 years ago and DC have never done the challenge. (DH and I did it years ago before they were born, so I have). I have never been to the place without him. He introduced me to it more than 30 years ago and I haven't been since he died, haven't wanted to go without him.

Anyway, a friend of mine mentioned that he was planning to do "the challenge" this summer and me and a couple of others invited ourselves. I mentioned it in passing to DS2 and he's now coming too.

They're a fun crowd and it should be a great trip, but as it's drawing closer I really don't know how I will cope being there without DH and having to look out for DS, who is an adult (19yo), but has pretty much had a breakdown since his dad died and retreated right inside himself. So it's good that he wants to come, but also something of a surprise.

It's 4 days in the middle of nowhere, how am I going to get through it?

That sounds hard.

Can you go with the proviso that if it’s too much, you just leave?

How far away is it? Could you go alone for a day beforehand so you can see how you feel once you are there without any pressure of anyone else being with you?

Not easily no. I agreed to go on the basis that friend is driving. It's 300 miles and the last 60 is difficult driving. The place we're staying is 2 hours by road from the nearest station.

Widowed 6 years this December with 3 young children.

What I found helped was to talk it out. Where we can go what we can do. If they know my feelings on something then it gives them an understanding if that makes sense.

I can not enter a local park here or go to the city he was born in as they were things we did together.

Ive created new things and places to take them. He is spoken about freely and funnily the hardest place I thought to go back to was the easiest.

Key is honesty don't be afraid if you get to this place and can't do it. You tried. May be cathartic may be horrendous but you will know. Have a back up plan. But as a widow your gut instinct is your best friend.

My girls were 10 7 and 12 months old. Now 16 12 and 6 and some aspects with them growing up are worse and yet some easier. But the one thing the oldest two have always said knowing I can't do or go places because of daddy helps them to understand.

Tell your friends, they'll understand your situation better and hopefully be able to support you. Well done you for going for it; I'd imagine your DH would be mighty proud of you that you're sharing something that was special to both of you with your child. It'll be difficult but I think it could be really healing for you and your DC. Best of luck with it!

Yes friends know and also know about DS's struggles. They'll be very supportive, but I don't want to spoil their trip and make it all about me either.

Lots of love to you. I don’t think it sounds like a terrible idea; it might be a bit healing.

I see. Could you go and just stay in the accommodation? Or is it the thought of the whole area, not just the activity?

I think the challenge will be the easier bit, emotionally. Its being "there" that will be hard. The saving grace might be that these were "my" friends, rather than "our" friends, so although they knew him and have been a huge support since he died, he won't be missing from the group iyswim, he was never really part of this particular social group.