Am I being too sensitive at work?

[Abouttthat]

Hi, I just need a little perspective to see if I'm being too sensitive.

Background, been in this team of 4 for 2 years, got on great with my line manager from day one; very supportive, good with advice, etc. Another colleague, I'll call her Jane, has not been so nice to me as in she compliments everyone else (including people not on our team but in the organisation). We had someone join our team for a temporary 1 year contract, and Jane would say how wonderful she was and what a great mum she was (we all have kids) in an over the top way.

Fast forward to now, my lovely line manager is leaving in August, her job isn't being replaced but Jane is going to be our team (of 3) leader. My worry is, last year I was having health problems and have gone through a year of tests (stool samples/colonoscopies) as I kept soiling myself, had stomach pain, fatigue and wasn't taking in nutritiants. I was diagnosed with IBD in April. My line manager has been very supportive, Jane has known bits but is never sympathetic.

I've had days off or had to cancel in person meetings because of flareups (as in needing to go NOW 15 times a day in a flare up). I'm still working with GP, have tried steroid meds etc and still trying to adjust to it all.

Yesterday in an in person team meeting I mentioned a flare up and Jane said "oh my dp has that (ulsers) but then he'll eat xyz and drink xyz and then wonders why he's on the toilet..." knowing Jane that was a dig at me, as in why have time off just watch your diet ffs. But the thing is my flare ups don't appear diet based, IBD colitis is different to IBS which is what I think she's mixing it up as.

My worry is from August this women is going to be my line manager. Can I just point out the company certainly get their pound of flesh from me so it's not like my work is behind or substandard. I'm just wondering if I'm being too sensitive?

Bump

Apply to HR for reasonable adjustments due to your condition. I have rheumatoid arthritis and get comments all the time at work, like, yes I have a painful foot too, or you should wear a copper bracelet or eat certain foods. I applied and got reasonable adjustments and the comments stopped. Just try and ignore the woman.

Thank you. I've had an informal discussion with my line manager as my sickness went into the red (to be fair most of that was me breaking a bone and needing surgery at the end of last year) but some of it was due to the flare up of IBD. I mean how could I have done the in person day whilst rushing to the loo constantly. I fear I'll have to give up current job.

Hopefully your GP will sort out the right treatment for you. My sibling has ulcerative colitis and was having multiple flares and always in the bathroom, things settled down once she was on the right treatment regime. I hope things improve for you.

You should be protected under disability discrimination as it's lasted 12 months and impacts your daily life. Yes it's irritating having a boss who's not sympathetic but she'll be restricted in what she can do. Especially if your work is still good.

Thanks everyone. My nice line manager hasn't left yet so I've asked her to refer me to occupational health.

Agree with PP - you need to get as much as you can in place through HR while nice line manger is still there. Reasonable adjustments agreed, HR with any medical confirmations they need to treat you as potentially having a disability, etc. Also, can your nice line manager make sure the next level of management up knows the background - you are a good employee who has had this diagnosis, takes time to find the right meds, etc, but you have continued to work as much as possible etc.

In parallel, have a general look around the job market. But I think in your position, I'd hang on where you are until you find the right meds and things calm down, so that you aren't starting a new job while also dealing with a new medical diagnosis. Try to ignore Jane as much as possible.

It might help to educate Jane on your condition. Can you send her some info from the NHS or a charity about what the condition is and how it affects you? Doing this alongside a meeting so you can talk it all through with your current manager or HR if that’s helpful.

I spoke to my nice line manager this morning but was basically told it's me creating a problem with Jane and we need to work at getting along. I feel frustrated at being told I'm creating a problem because my nice line manager and Jane have worked with each other for 10 years and get on really well, whereas when I was the new person 2 years ago Jane never took to me hence the ongoing (subtle) comments and/digs ever since which are never reciprocated back to her. It's made me wonder if it's all in my head but it's not, when I told a friend Jane was going to be team leader my friend said "oh no that's not great" as I have told my friend about Jane all along. But my line manager just sees it as oh I'm sure she didn't mean it like that etc. So frustrating!

Apparently Jane would be "mortified" if she realised what she says was upsetting me (Jane knows exactly what she's doing) so I said well if Jane is that unaware and tactless with her words then is she team leader material! I feel like the horse has already bolted.