I'm really sad

[Thunderandlightningisfrightening]

Gp thinks I'm in the perimenopause at 38. I have 1 child and don't really want more than 1 but it's cemented to me he'll be an only. I feel horrendously guilty about this. We don't have much other family so he's alone. I wished for the time to pass when he was little and I was doing it all alone but now I don't want him to grow up.

We're going on a 10 hour flight this weekend and I can't face it.

No advice, just sympathetic hugs. My partner was an only child and he turned out just fine, if it helps!

My own sibling was horrendous so I don't know why I'm arsed

Sorry to hear this.

It sounds like you weren't planning to have another, but if you have changed your mind then are you aware that you can still concieve during peri? Women in perimenopause can have periods of time where they are actually more fertile and at greater chance of multiples so if you want to try for another you could, but at the same time if you know you wouldn't, be very careful with contraception.

There are a lot of benefits to being an only, there's no guarantee of a close relationship and financially in the long term your son would benefit more as well as having your undivided attention. Just make sure he has lots of opportunities to mix with other children. My parents (I'm a peri baby born to a mother older than you), would pay for close friend to come on holiday with me, made sure I had plenty of sleepovers and friends over most weekends. I had and have a sibling type relationship with good friends. My friends with only children make sure and develop close relationships with their kids' cousins etc.

More people are stopping at one now, so it won't be as unusual as it was when I was a child so your son won't feel like the odd one out. Try not to punish yourself, you've honestly done nothing wrong and have nothing at all to be guilty about. Be compassionate towards yourself, you sound like a very caring, loving mum and your child is lucky to have you.

I just can't do the workload again

I've recently got re married and everyone is pestering me about having another kid.

Well let them pester! .... none of their business.
Does your new partner want children?

He's happy either way

I didn't want anymore after my ds. People pestered me and my dh for a few years. They soon stop

So it sounds like this is not about you wanting another child, but that it has brought up anxieties and worries about your child being alone?

Work on what you have influence over. Helping him to make friends, be active, have interests, have good social skills, have positive relations with wider family ( if you and H have good family). Basically work on helping him acquire the habits that make a good life.

We don't have much family. He's very sociable and has friends.