Friendship group dynamics have changed

[FriendOrNo]

Hi, I wasn't sure where to post this, so maybe the wrong place. I don't know whether to leave the only friendship group I am in and could do with some outside perspective.
I formed a friendship group with two others, one who was new to the area (Sam) and one that I got on with (but has many different friendship groups) and we all went out a few times. Someone else asked if they could come out with us and I could tell that they were mainly interested in being friends with Sam as I had known them for years and they had never invited me to anything before.
Anyway I said yes because I thought it would seem churlish to say no and at that point Sam and I had become really good friends and popped round each others houses, went out for dinner etc so I didn't think I would get sidelined. All was ok for awhile and then I started to get less invites out with Sam and discovered that the other person was inviting Sam out to places and when Sam needed eg babysitter or a sympathetic ear, the other person always seemed to be there before me (and I wasn't a slouch in offering btw) but I didn't know whether to say anything and I think the timings would have been off, so I didn't.
Another year later and I feel totally sidelined, they go on holidays with each others families and get together and don't invite anyone from the original friendship group, even though this friendship group still meets up.

I am finding it quite upsetting but I don't know if I am unreasonable to be upset by this change in dynamics and whether I am best leaving this group so it is not so hurtful to see their friendship progress and mine dwindle.

It sounds to me as if you're misusing the term 'friendship group' -- three people 'all going out a few times' (before the extra person asked if she could go out with you) sounds far more casual to me. Sam and the additional person have just become closer than you and Sam were. I appreciate you feel hurt, but dynamics do shift and no one has done anything wrong. I mean, I don't think Sam 'owes' you some kind of priority because you knew her first. It's entirely up to you whether you continue to see Sam and the other friend in the context of the wider friendship group (do you gain more from the group than the hurt of feeling sidelined?), but I think that in future you should be wary of putting all your friendship eggs in one basket.

@LuckyOnes thanks for the reply. I understand what you are saying, I didn't really have much choice in putting all my eggs in one basket! I know it's not unreasonable for friendships to change, but ime usually it's not with people from within the friendship group, people friend people from outside the group and then you don't normally have to witness it so much.
I don't know what you would describe meeting up on a regular basis and discussing life and doing things together if not as a friendship group though.

Sorry, I'm not intending to dismiss your obvious pain in the slightest.

I'm mourning the end of a friendship that used to be close at the moment myself, and it really hurts, plus we don't have much of a vocabulary for it, unlike, say, romantic/sexual break-ups.

It's just that you said you 'formed a friendship group' which included someone new to the area, Sam (so someone you were only just getting to know) and 'all went out a few times', which still sounds fairly casual and new to me, before the extra person got involved and became closer to Sam. Obviously you know best on that score, though. It just read to me as though it wasn't a long-established friendship of years with Sam before the other person got closer to her?

I would consult your own feelings about whether you want to continue in the group, and I would definitely look to expand your friendship horizons, explore other possibilities, think about some activities you enjoy that will expose you to potential friendships. I would also be kind to myself -- it's painful.

Do you feel as if you've been friend-sniped? As in, Sam has been actively taken away from you?
I can see how if it wasn't organic, and felt like a deliberate move from the other person, how this would be worse than if you watched it happen naturally. But to Sam it may well have felt natural.

Really it's nice for Sam that they have made a close friend but it does sound like the other friend used you as an in then cut u out.

@AlpineMuesli a bit I suppose.
@LuckyOnes, sorry that you are missing your friend too. I had been friends with Sam for about a year or so prior and her friendship (and her family) I really care about. I'm not very good at putting myself 'out there' and I am conscious that probably previous rejection in life is making me over sensitive and I really don't want to come across that way to the group at all, but I am sad and embarrassed that all the things that they do are the kind of things that we did before and don't any more and I don't know why (and I don't want to ask!)

I think that you are being decieved. You are not seeing the real picture. Your so called friend ' Sam ' is the one who has allowed ths to happen. It would have happened anyway if not with another ' outsider'...I have suspicions Sam was just waiting for someone to come along to ' Triangulate' you with... The ensuing drama is good material for a book. It can be extremely heartbreaking when this happens. I must admit to being in a similar situation. But dont go back if she starts blowing hot again as my best friend came back to claim my DH as her own . It ruined everything. My life hasnt been the same.

When you used to do things w Sam, who did the suggesting/planning? Sam may just be happy to go with the flow; message her and suggest a coffee/film/whatever.

I’m going through a friendship ‘breakdown’ and it really does hurt. I agree with the last comment maybe a catch up with Sam on her own?