Encouraging DS to change jobs so soon

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My DS has found it hard to get a job this year, particularly full time. Two weeks ago, he got a job at Harvester, which he loves! But it’s only 16 hours a week.

DS cannot live off 16 hours a week. He is living with me and his dad and cannot afford to contribute to energy he uses or food he eats. And he’s expensive. He’s 19, going on 20.

At the weekend, my husbands uncle came to visit and offered our son the opportunity to work with him, full time, well paid and with training which could lead to excellent career opportunities down the road.

DS is tempted, but really worried and quite sad about leaving Harvester. I have for the past couple of days encouraged him to take this new opportunity, but now I also feel sad for him. He’s worried about what all his new friends and managers will think of him. He would give the full notice.

But he needs to realistically start earning properly and have a goal and he keeps switching from wanting to do uni to not wanting to do uni.

What do you think?
thank you

He's getting comfortable where he is and it will get harder and harder to leave, give him a good shove into a much better opportunity in life. He can think about uni in the new job, or do the open university while working.

your ds does not have the luxury to decide

He is almost 20 and presumably no qualifications or employment history

quite honestly he needs to take what’s offered

what happened to him going to uni in september?

He's been there two weeks, I think they'll get over him leaving!

He thinks it might be debt for nothing.

He flits between going and not going. I was so excited, but now he’s jacked that in again.

He’s actually got great GCSEs and A levels, but is incredibly indecisive and is scared of the uni debt.

He started this job at Harvester, loved it and saw his future working 16 hours a week 🫣

This opportunity has come along, he can possibly do an apprenticeship towards engineering whilst earning money. But I think he really preferred the Harvester idea.

He needs to get a grip now and start earning. He's 20! I was living with my now husband and in full time employment, paying my own way ay that age.

good grief
in that case definitely he needs to accept

he will very likely jack in this full time opportunity

Can't he cut down his hours at harvester to one shift on a Saturday/Sunday? It would be extra money.
Sounds like he really should be taking the new job

Oh gosh, I hope not. That’s all we’ve done last weekend was discuss uni and job.

When he starts something he is actually really committed and works incredibly hard. I just have to get him to make those decisions first.

He had his student loans application through last week and it showed over £20000 projected debt for this year. I think it panicked him. He panicked that the degree he chose is too niche for it to be value for money.

It’s been a stressful one. But I hope once his choice is made, he’ll be fine again and will knuckle down.

I don’t think there would be harm in asking. I know DS doesn’t want to let Harvester down as he loves it there.

Do Harvester do any management training schemes?
If he seriously likes it there then he could enquire about one.
He could be running a chain of restaurants in a decade.

By all means discuss the options with him, but it's his choice. If he makes a mistake, he will learn from that. At 19 he is only just working out what being an adult means. If you push him to do something he doesn't want to so, he may end up quitting anyway. He's unlikely to want to spend his life in this job on 16 hours a week.

I’m not sure. He is very motivated when he gets going. Great self discipline when he knows what he wants…but he’s only been there two weeks and about 4 shifts, so it’s still new and novelty. Not sure if he’ll feel the same in a month or two.

You’re absolutely right. But this is an opportunity that’s unlikely to come up again. The money is outstanding considering his lack of experience, and he’ll have those development opportunities in a field that he actually does enjoy. It could feed into a more ‘valuable’ degree at uni and he could make forever links with a fairly big company.
It’s perfect and DS is definitely interested as it would mean money, plus the study he wanted to do.

But he also loves Harvester and feels bad about leaving so soon. It sounds silly writing it down.

He's being utterly ridiculous. Retail employers fully expect a high turnover in teenage staff. He needs to get a grip and take the apprenticeship he's being offered (on a plate).

Many, many young people would rip off the arm of any employer offering an apprenticeship. University is ridiculously expensive so I understand why he doesn't want to rack up loads of debt with no idea how he's going to pay it back. But he doesn't seem to care about how much he's costing you though does he? Maybe you should point out that he's costing you £20k per year to feed!

He owes Harvester absolutely nothing and would be a fool to turn down the apprenticeship offer because he feels bad for leaving after 2 weeks. Life happens. He needs to be told his choice is university or apprenticeship.

I think the job he has been offered is a great opportunity and I think he would be mad not to take it, however saying that it’s really his choice, all you can do is advise him.

If he stays at Harvester for the 16 hours least he still has a job on his CV and is gaining some skills. He is still young enough to go into something else and build a career (whether that be at Harvester or not)

I know its easy for a stranger to say but try not to worry. Trust in what you have instilled in him and trust he will make the right decisions for himself at the right times for him.
I was an absolute lost cause at 19 with no direction but I got my act together in the end and have a great career now. All the best to your son x

There are few golden opportunities like these in life

Your son should take the opportunity of FT work asap

He should take the new job.

Can he keep Harvester as a Saturday/evening job until he sees if the new job suits him?

he is considering declining the opportunity for a career

after 4 shifts at the harvester

mind boggling

having struggled to even get a very part time job at the harvester

But he also loves Harvester and feels bad about leaving so soon. It sounds silly writing it down.

Its more than silly it's bat shit crazy to think this and not to take the uncle job offer.

I don't understand why you are not setting this out to him - he's done 4 shifts at a Harvester - they will get over him leaving them the turnover will be massive. He should be jumping for joy at being given an opportunity.

be prepared for a family rift when your son lets down his uncle though!