DS (4) imitating his friend's speech impediment

[LilacPombear]

Hi everyone,
I'm looking for some advice or reassurance regarding my 4-year-old son’s speech and imitating a friend with speech delay.

For background, his speech development has been advanced. He was talking in full sentences, with a clear voice, and could hold conversations naturally without any particular effort on my part from a very young age. He's the youngest in his year group (reception) and is moving into Year 1 in September. I'd be more nervous about this transition, but he's expressed that he feels ready and because we can have long, meaningful conversations about his feelings and experiences, we can talk through how to better support him.

Midway through the school year, a new boy joined his class who initially disliked school due to severe speech delays. The boy’s mum mentioned this to me and also said he had been moved from previous schools because he wasn't receiving the support he needed and was unhappy. My son, along with a small group of 3-4 other children, included the new boy, which made a significant difference. The new boy began to enjoy school, his speech started to develop further, and his mum thanked us for our son’s positive impact, even sharing that DS name was the first name he has ever said.

However, over the past several months, DS has started adopting the speech mannerisms and style of his friend. Sometimes he even stutters on purpose or uses a "voice" that is not his own, imitating his friend. I've talked to him about the importance of being himself, explaining that while it’s great to be friends with others, he doesn't need to mirror them in every way. Despite these conversations, it’s become challenging at home during evenings and weekends as we often find ourselves asking him to use his own voice. Sometimes, we struggle to understand what he's saying because he uses this 'baby-like' voice or just shouts out a single words, instead of asking for what he wants.

After a conversation over the weekend, he reverted to his usual self, and everything seemed fine. However, this morning, I dropped him off at school before work and saw his friend approach him. Immediately, my son started mirroring his friend’s speech again. Seeing this switch first-hand made me realize he might be spending his days talking this way, which could explain why he finds it hard to 'break out of it' at home.

I'm not sure how to encourage him to be himself while also maintaining his friendship. I want to support his social development without compromising his own speech. Or do I do nothing and it run its course? Any advice on how to handle this situation would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks you.

I don't have any advice really, but I did not want to read and run.

Tricky situation!
Can you perhaps ask his teacher for advice?

He’s so young he’s probably doing it subconsciously once he sees the friend and then just formed a habit. Can you ask teacher for advice? Otherwise I’d just keep pulling him up on it and having him repeat things in full sentences/his normal voice.

Tell him I'm not talking to you unless you speak to me properly. Tell him you can't understand him.

Whenever he speaks in the baby voice say that amd ignore him until he speak properly.

He asks you for something you don't answer or give him until he speaks properly.

Ask him what he wants for dinner/pudding. He has to ask you properly or he gets nothing until he does.

He'll get bored of it.

This is so strange, my daughter did this at almost the exact same age to copy her cousin who had a stammer. I did tell her off,
as PP said and just told her to stop it. As @HowIrresponsible says, be clear with him. Too gentle and it may become more of a habit and harder to break.

Thank you everyone. I feel less guilty about having those discussions with him. I felt torn between ‘letting it run its course’ and also letting it happen to a point it sticks. I think seeing the switch first hand this morning made me see how dominant the imitation is, as he went from talking about the tennis on our walk to school to imitating said friend in an instant.

We had flagged up a few other challenges/ issues with his class teacher earlier in the year and found the response from his teacher to be quite underwhelming? a lot of the time the only reason something has changed is because myself and DH have had clear conversations with DS rather than the school doing much.

It’s the last week of term and we are hoping his new teacher alongside and overall changes of a new class / routine will help regulate him. Also will spend some time in the summer building DS confidence and have signed him up for some clubs to get him spending time with other children.

This evening he has been more himself; I have set him a challenge for the week under the guise of encouraging him to use full sentences etc and he is very excited by it all and has bit slightly more chatty as a result.

Underneath it all, I just miss hearing him chattering away and the quirks of his brilliant personality 🥺

Does your DS show any other traits of ASD OP? You mention other challenges you’ve raised with the teacher. My DS was prone to this sort of thing and I’m sure he has ASD.

I think children this age naturally mimic those around them, I can remember as a child we moved from the midlands to Devon, we already had strong midlands accent and dialect, my sisters friends (all Devon natives) had a period of time where they mimicked this.

It sounds like your son is doing something similar.

We had issues with DD1 in school and a friendship issues and used to set her secret 'super spy missions' ( to expand her friendship group) she would tell us when she had achieved a 'mission' ( play with a new child) and get a reward.

@freespirit333 The other challenges we raised was about a concern of another child’s behaviour that DS was talking about at home. This child was watching videos that were not child appropriate and talking about it during playtime. We had to flag it a few times with the school and teacher said she was aware of how ‘intense’ the other child was overall as he was quite clingy etc and this was causing DS anxiety. We were disappointed with how school handled it overall to be honest.

I don’t suspect ASD and DH specialises in SEND and feels the same, but that’s not to say for sure. My gut feeling at the moment is he needs to be more self assured in himself and getting him to understand he doesn’t need to do everything the exact same as his friends.

What do you expect from school, they aren't 1:1 with the kids all day. You seem to have very high expectations of them. Of course actions from a parent will have more impact.

He's 4 and learning his way in the world. Relax a bit and let him find his own path.

I wouldn't respond if he talks in the voice at home. Children are quite adept at "code switching" it's a normal part of development. We know we behave differently in different social situations, he's learning to 'play' with that. Just like how he knows mum and dad have different rules to grandparents (for example).

I agree with the code switching comment above. If anything, the fact that your son is able to employ different levels of conversation in different contexts shows that he's linguistically sophisticated. Just keep stressing that his 'home voice' is the one with complete sentences and he'll get better at the habit of changing.
I think it's extremely natural to copy speech patterns of those around us though, even for adults - I see it a lot in ex pats (like myself) who spend a lot of time around non-native English speakers. We all start to pick up on the quirky sentence structures/word choice which makes our own English sound very strange! So what your son is doing is entirely natural and I don't think you need to see it as him not being self assured. If anything it's more likely to be him being perceptive and kind - copying his friend to make him feel more accepted and part of the group. (Your son does sound very kind by the way!).