I’ve lost my love of life

[Tartancat]

I just feel exhausted all the time.

DH and I have three kids (16, 14 and 12). Two have autism (the youngest is profoundly autistic - no speech and a lot of challenging behaviours). I work from home four days a week term time only and DH does a mix of home and office work. He works 12 hours a week more than me.

I just feel ground down with caring and life. Our 12 year old will only leave the house for school. They have no special interests, they can’t access any of the few clubs around so I care for them before and after school and all through the holidays. Mentally aside from working and doing the most basic of things, I feel absolutely no energy to do anything. I don’t have any friends and just the thought of trying to make any feels too much. I’m just about managing the most basic of chores but everything just feels so hard. I’ve tried exercise, I walk our dog daily. How do I get my life back on track?

when did you last love life?

I didn't want to read and run.
I'm so sorry you are feeling low and to my mind a bit defeated.
Does your partner support you emotionally?
I have no personal experience of parenting children with high needs at all, but I know you'll get lots of advice from others who do.
Is there anything that makes you happy? 🌻

I probably felt okay a few years ago. I still read and watch Tv but I used to enjoy going out to new places but it’s difficult to go out because my youngest doesn’t want to and usually the other kids have hobbies on at the weekend and during the week I’m at work.

How old are you? I know it’s a cliche to blame everything on the menopause but this was one of my major symptoms - loss of interest in life, cba to do anything much. HRT fixed it.

Do you get away at all? Would a break help? I know respite care is probably an impossibility and family might not be able to manage - but could your DH take a week off and you take the non autistic child away for a week somewhere nice while DH looks after the other two? Then maybe you could swap so he goes away with one and you have the other two.

I’m 42 and feel about 90. My signs of menopause except just feeling tired and a bit brain fogged but I put this down to trying to balance work, the house and the kids needs.

@Beth216, previously we’ve done a week in the UK with the kids but it’s becoming more and more difficult with the youngest as there’s so much they can’t access and even taking them out for a walk is stressful. I think moving forward we’ll likely split weeks and swap so everyone gets a break. I could really use one as I do the bulk of caring as my husband is either working or doing his hobbies.

I feel I’m needing more and more time to recover from caring for my youngest. They are quite aggressive and if they have to do things like they don’t want like teeth brushing, or they can’t have another Icecream, they tend to hit me. I just don’t feel like I’m doing particularly well in any areas. I took on a job a few years ago and have had to upskill significantly and it has been very very tough and I’ve felt a lot of pressure. I know a lot of carers find work is a break for them but I’ve found it has added to my stress due to even more demands.