What's your obligation to the new partner?

[Inthebathagain]

Man and woman spilt after 15 years of marriage.

One of the reasons is that the man thinks smacking a teenagers bottom is an ok punishment. He had no qualms dishing out that punishment himself to the teens and was cross that the woman refused to smack at all. He was verbally abusive to the woman and children. Coercive behaviour from him too.

Does the old partner have an obligation to the new woman in the man's life to tell her what he is like, in order to protect the new partners children he's moved in with?

Honestly I don't think anyone who's been through a relationship like that has any obligation to get involved in their exes new relationship and start dishing out warnings.

However I think if you're able to do so, without repercussions for your DC or yourself, you can drop a warning then you can if you wanted to. I'd be wary that it could probably be explained away as "parenting differences" or "bitter ex" both of which are quite common I think.

Doesn't the new child have a right to be looked out for?

The women is bringing a man into her home who pulled down teenagers underwear in order to smack their bare arses.

I would have gone to the police if someone did that to my teenagers.

She probably won’t believe you anyway

I would be asking why the woman after seeing the man pull down a teenagers trousers and smack their bare bottom didn't do anything?

In this day and age I'm surprise said teenager didn't say or do something to either another family member or school.

I can only assume the police or SS were never involved and if the woman decided to educate the new woman on the man's behaviour it would been seen as perhaps stirring the pot as it were?

If the police were involved the. Perhaps an application under right to ask right to know, I can never remeber if it's Claire's law or the other one and if it's deemed appropriate the new woman would be approached and told?

Is this man the parent of the teens in question? Thus, is there a continuing coparenting relationship to consider? Is there a relationship between this man and the teens to consider?

Police nor SS involved as mum didn't report, nor did the teens.

The teens are now adults, so no co-parenting to consider. One adult has no relationship with their dad. The other adult has a fractious one with their dad. Neither see the new woman. Which, if I were the new woman, would ring alarm bells.

It may be seen as stirring the pot, but there's a child's safety to consider. That takes priority in my eyes.

Unfortunately, I have no evidence to back the things up I've been told. I have no doubt they happened though.

I don't think the ex has any obligation, but if you feel strongly they should be warned, warn them

i would be very careful at this point with what you tell who? No police or SS were involved, and this is something you have been told? its not something you have witnessed personnally?

i personally would do nothing. if i don't know something to be true, then i wouldn't be passing it on

I know it to be true. My friend isn't a liar and told me many of the details of her marriage split after she'd split. She was too fearful during, so kept from me what was happening in her life.

She doesn't want to stir the pot, but I see that as less important than a child's safety. I obviously can't discuss it with her, as it's too emotive, and can't discuss it with friends, as I don't know who else she's told.

@Inthebathagain ... sadly you do not know it to be true!

You have been told by someone! Not witnessed it yourself.

But if you feel that strongly that you need to tell this other parent then by all means do what you feel is right!

I would assume you know all these parties personally and see on a regular basis and are comfortable sitting down and talking to her?

@sentfrmmyiphone

How have you been let down in the past that you can't believe a friend telling you what has happened to them?

If you'd seen your teenagers smacked on their bare backsides by their father, would you expect your friend to think you had lied when you told them what you saw and tried to prevent?