I'm just feeling a bit low

[itwasalittlelikethis]

Please read all of it and give advice or share personal experiences.

I have a doctors appointment in the morning. I would like to slightly increase my antidepressant dose and also possibly get a short term prescription for something to help me to regulate my sleep cycle ( not propranolol or antihistamines). I think the doctor will probably be helpful so I'm not worried about it.

I'm just sick of continuously needing help from outside sources to be able to live my life. And I do need help. I feel down about it.

I am intelligent. I'm sociable and people like me. I'm also okay looking. I don't look like someone who struggles with life. And I'm independent and determined. But for years I have not been able to cope with life like other people do.

I have achieved professional success in the past but for nearly a decade I have been unemployed doing voluntary work.....but because I am frequently having life or emotional issues I find it very hard to even keep up with minimal volunteer efforts. I would love to get back to self sufficient employment but I honestly struggle so much to even meet my very part time volunteer commitments.

I'm being left behind by life. I have a history of quite severe trauma and mental illness but I don't want to be someone that society looks after, I want to be one that is independent and contributes to looking after the vulnerable in society.

I'm feeling very confused about who I am. An organisation recently referred me for a safeguarding adults enquiry. I do want help but to be honest I don't fit the profile of someone who needs help and I feel embarrassed. It's probably my 4th referral in the last 5 years. It normally gets closed with no further action. I'm not and haven't been at risk from any specific person, but I'm just continuously targeted by abuse individuals in all walks of life. I come across on the surface as very confident and capable.

Any advice please?.

I am extremely sensitive, physically and emotionally (I wish I wasn't). I can sleep without pitch black darkness, the tiniest light keeps me awake. I hear everything and some sounds make my body feel vibrations which cause anxiety. I smell everything, apparently I have a nose like a bloodhound! I have food sensory issues. I take everything literally and 100% believe what people say to me so I'm easily manipulated. People laugh about this but I cannot change it no matter what work I do on myself.

I wish I was just normal. I'm accepting that I'm not and I need help. But they always close my case without help because I present as so capable. I'm not lazy or stupid and I want to work so I must have something up. I want to contribute. I accept I need help....

....this is purely a rant/vent...no obligation to respond with advice etc!

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, it mIsy be so frustrating. Firstly, there’s nothing wrong with needing a bit of extra help medication wise or outside support wise. If it helps, then what’s the problem? Plenty of people take regular medication- what it’s for isn’t important, you wouldn’t say taking regular medication for, eg, blood pressure, is a weakness so why is your emotional health any different?

can you pinpoint what is making you feel overwhelmed? When you have the referral, I would write down beforehand a list of things you feel are relevant so you don’t forget them at the time and try to insist that you’re not marked as closed without further help.

I’m sorry I can’t offer more advice, but please don’t be so harsh on yourself. The very fact that you want to do more speaks volumes and you’re doing great.

You are volunteering and have been long term. So you are contributing to society.
A human's worth is not what they earn.
Different people need different levels of support at different times, it doesn't make you lesser to need support.

I hope your doctor is helpful when you see them.

Some of the things you mention could be related to a neurodiversity like autism.

It’s ok that you need help, you’d probably be surprised at how many capable people you know receive support of some kind.

I hope your appointment goes well and you get the right support.