DDs strange behaviour

[TheChosenTwo]

Don’t know where I’m going with this really. Last night dd(18) left the house at 2am and came back in at 2:50am. We weren’t aware of this. Dh was disturbed in the night and went downstairs, he met dd who said she was just getting some water. He noticed the outside security lights were on but thought nothing of it, got himself a water and came back up to bed.
This morning he thought about it again and checked the cctv (not a ring doorbell, he has valuable tools in his van and in the garden workshop at times, we’ve rarely ever checked the footage) and she went out at 2 and came back at 2:50.
She’s had a lot of mental health struggles, suicide attempts and is now on medication and other therapies to help her. We thought she’s been in a pretty good place recently.
I think she’ll lie to us about why she went out, where she went etc.
Dh said to me that he’s mad and that she shouldn’t be leaving the house in the middle of the night without even letting someone know (sending a text or whatever).
We’ve had a lot of conversations over the past 5 years about honestly and trust and the like, her somewhat erratic behaviour has been concerning for us but we have always tried to help her through it.

and you haven’t spoken to her about this? choosing to start a thread instead

I’d assume she’d gone to buy drugs…

Sorry, I didn’t finish!
Anyway, she’s getting ready for work and dh and I are trying to work out whether this is normal behaviour or not. We said that if it were our older daughter she’d just say “oh I got a call from someone and they needed picking up” or whatever and that would be the end of it but we don’t know whether or not it’s because this dd has had issues in the past that is making us doubt everything.

That would be my first thought too

Sorry, I posted too soon; she’s getting ready for work and we are just trying to work out if this is normal or not normal.
We think it’s not normal but at 18 I was doing all sorts of crazy things and so was dh.

My dc did this. Never did find out what they were doing, it probably was just a walk like they said. I asked them to stop though because it woke me up and I didn't go back to sleep until they were back home.That was a few years ago now and they've not ended up on drugs or anything

now they’re older can you not ask them and more likely to get the truth?

no op
it’s not “normal”???!!

and you’re very young daughter has attempted dulce multiple times and has mental health issues

throw that in to the equations and i’d be petrified

When I was that age, I used to go out for a drive all the time in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep. On rare occasions, I’d also go to meet my boyfriend (who worked nights so for his lunch break), but really it was just to get out of the house. Never done drugs in my life or anything else particularly nefarious.

Sex or drugs . No, it's not normal, in terms that the vast majority of well adjusted ,healthy ,stable young people wouldn't do this.

When you have mental health issues you can feel trapped inside your own head. She absolutely could have just been going for a walk to try and get some release - and when you're feeling this way it can be cathartic at night when there is nobody around. She may also have gone for a cigarette.

Drugs.

Gone to meet a friend to smoke a joint?

I sometimes do this and I have since I was young and I sound very much like your daughter with the suicide attempts etc. I go out at that time because you are all in bed, I get to be alone outside and I can breathe, I just love the stillness. I don't know if that's the case for your daughter but it maybe.

She said that she had met her boyfriend and they just sat in his car. She didn’t tell us because she thought we’d be asleep.
I asked why neither of them were asleep and she said they had both been chatting after he got back from his late shift at work and he asked if she wanted a milkshake and he picked one up from McDonald’s and they sat in his car and drank them.
Gah. Hate all of this.
To the person who said they would be petrified, we have been living in a petrified state for the last 5 years, it doesn’t leave you and really skews your perception of the world and life itself hence reaching out for ‘normal’ views.

I have had bouts of clinical depression and anxiety since I was 18. When they have been really bad and my 'over-thinking' levels are high sometimes I just want to go out and walk in cool air when no one else is around. I find it really calming and it tires me.

That sounds reasonable. Do you believe her?

We do sometimes go out together for walks in the dark, 10pm - I don’t want to encourage 3am walks because we have been advised to try and keep her in a healthy sleep schedule.
When She turned 18 we were still Taking all her tech away at night so she couldn’t stay up
late gaming or scrolling or talking to people but about 3 months ago we had a conversation together and really at the age she is, earning her own money etc she can just buy her own tech that we don’t know about so we relaxed our approach to tech.

Mine do this. They pick up friends as Taxi are too expensive, they take turns. They all meet friends for a chat. Especially if someone is drunk! More likely drunk and crying.

It’s certainly normal in our house and they are 18 not children and have cars.

I do believe her.
But I can’t know for sure.
And that’s the lack of trust really. When she’s come home from school and we’ve had a nice chat and a snack and a water balloon fight in the garden and an hour later she’s taken a massive overdose you really learn nothing can be taken at face value. Just more cynical. And less trusting.

Our older one does this occasionally too and it’s normal in my mind. But she works in hospitality and has college and uni friends and is very sociable with a wide circle of friends in different circumstances. She’s also a rationally minded person.
The second one has a smaller group of friends, none of whom work unsociable hours and none of whom are big drinkers or that interested in going to the pub.

She has a boyfriend who works late, they both stay up late chatting online then decide to meet up. Teens keep weird hours. The fact she's able to get up for work then next day shows she's fine. You can't stop her going out whenever she likes. If she wants to be nocturnal then it's her choice. She was right not to wake you to say she was going out that late.

this 18 year old has had multiple suicide attempts and 5 years of very serious mental health issues

I do not know your daughter but no this is not normal. I work for an adolescent mental health service and I would consider this cause for concern. It sounds like drugs or sexual exploitation could be a factor, though over 18 she is vulnerable. I say COULD because there is a chance she really did just go for a walk or get a maccies, not trying to scare you or say I know best but I would be keeping a close eye. Check that footage more often.