Would you date a man with kids in your late 20s?

[ForOliveShaker]

My friend has called me tonight telling me a lovely man has asked her out but he has one child aged 7. She said she likes him but knows she’s not ready to take on anyone else’s child.

She wants to keep talking to him, she fancies him etc but this is something that’s her non negotiable.

is it fair that I advised her to make her own choices? And I said that’s not my choice to make.

what do you think?

The child is an innocent in all this. So I'd advise the friend to keep away if she doesn't want to take them on.

Whilst i was still young, your friend's age covers this, i had the same non-negotiable, no kids, i wanted my first child to be our first child, if she wants any.

I wanted all the major life events to be our first.

They were/are.

I will never regret waiting and sticking to that

Kinda how I felt. She said she wants to try and get to know him. I told her she’s best she makes her own choices

Agreed, I think there’s an element of struggle. Particularly because this child is older I told her to be careful though😭the reason she asked me is because I’m the same. I don’t want anyone with kids and won’t change that

If she wants a fling then go ahead I'm sure he'll be up for it!

If she wants a husband then stay away

No way! I have NEVER dated or been in a relationship with a man who had children.

Hats off to women who do, but my philosophy is life is short & I didn't want to be with someone who brought baggage and/or drama to the table. It was a deal breaker for me.

Having said that, my best friend dated a man who had sole custody of his child from a young age, as the bio mum abandoned them! So the first date, he literally bought his kid along (he was about 7). Every date had to be kid friendly, as he had no-one to watch his son. My friend ended up marrying this guy & had another couple of kids... so to each their own.

its not my bag but yes each to his own. The guy is very successful she said but I told her. Baby mama drama is real😂

Nah 20's is far too young to be settling for someone with kids.

Haha well to be fair, we can’t tarnish everyone with the same brush can we. At least he’s open and honest about it! Some men may have tried to hide it.

Agree with PP - no, not in this case. Also no if the guy is a lot older. Trust me (and thousands of others)

Also, “baby mama drama is real” usually because the baby daddy has treated her like complete shit once he’s been displaced by his own children

Agreed!!

No

I met my now DH when we were 27/28 and I had a 7 year old. We got married aged 33/34 and it's all worked out fine, we have a 6 and 4yo now and my first dc is now an adult. Honestly I probably wouldn't have chosen to date a man with dc at that age but I'm glad DH didn't see things that way! For him it was never an abstract idea about wanting to be a woman with kids - he wanted to be with me, who happened to have kids and well, he has always accepted everything about me.

No, especially so if she's not keen to do so. She will end up resenting the child's presence.

I was invited and went on dates with two men when I was in my twenties that revealed they had children. They were both 30, no second date. This was pre internet dating.

So is men fishing for unpaid nannies who will clean the house. How old is he?

Absolutely not.

She needs to remember why she made that rule in the first place.

Well I'm glad it all worked out for you. But the OP's friend has explicitly stated that she doesn't want to take on anybody's kids.

A child is a massive responsibility. Not just something to be accepted as part of someone that you want to date. You have to actively want to parent, and be good at it. Being neutral isn't ideal, but actively making the decision not to?

Poor kid deserves better.