Should I give them their own room

[Shitmum2024]

Ds asked for his own room a few months back I said no incase adult ds came back home . But actually he's been left home for 18 months now. So I think maybe I Need to tell myself adult ds is settled.

So now I'm thinking maybe I should let him . It seems silly to have an empty room.

Yes of course they should have their own rooms. If your eldest does ever move back home then you can deal with that when the time comes.

What's your oldest sons situation OP. Has be bought a house or is he renting? Does he live alone or with friends or a partner? Does he seem settled where he is?

And how old is your oldest?

This is such a good example of PFB. Your poor children having to ask if they can move into the Prince’s room, or if it still needs to be on standby incase he returns.

I didn’t think threads could still shock me, but this is very poor behaviour from a parent.

7 years

🏃‍♂️

🦈

Why so many spaces between your words? That's the marginally less batshit bonkers thing about your post.

What's the origin of your username, OP?

He's private renting on his own. He has a verty stressful job . And he had a bit of time off due to stress . And a few times he spoke about giving it up . So that made me delay as well. Because if he left his job due to stress he would have had to give his flat up. But he seems in a better place mentally now

I don't understand

He's private renting on his own. He has a verty stressful job . And he had a bit of time off due to stress . And a few times he spoke about giving it up . So that made me delay as well. Because if he left his job due to stress he would have had to give his flat up. But he seems in a better place mentally now

That's good that he's doing better. I'd have a word with him, tell him that you're thinking of letting his sibling have him room and see what he says. If he doesn't say he wants to move back in then go for it. Let him know there's always a home for him with you and things can always be moved around if necessary. Fingers crossed he'll be fine though and he continues to enjoy having his own place,

OP your son will always have a place in your home. If you keep both beds in the shared room, he can sleep there whenever he stays over or if he needed to come back.

So did your younger ds share the room with moved out older brother & now he wants it to himself?

Or he had an inferior room?

Either way, IMO whoever's living at home FT gets dibs.

If ds1 has moved out but later comes back, he can have a sofa or the smallest room or whatever's available.

But ds2 definitely gets his old bedroom now.

I 100% know he would be fine with it. I don't need to ask. Its a me thing because I worry.
But as you say i can deal with that if it happens.

I already done a little moving around . My dd was in the smallest room . So when ds left I put dd into his old room. But I kept the small room free.

Very true. I will do that there's already a bed in there . So I don't have to do much

When my brother moved out I was unpacked and sleeping in MY new room that very night.
He did eventually come back and went in the tiny box room that I used to have.
Now neither of us live at home and the box room is dads office and the "spare" double room is just that mum and dads spare bedroom. Not my room or his.

Tbh I’m going to say it depends what you mean by adult.

If it’s a 19~20yo still at Uni, then I can see why you’d wait.
If it’s a 27yo who has his own house, a stable job etc… then not so much.

I would never have done that with my dcs.
Nor did they ever ask/mention anything either.

Their bedroom is still theirs. It’s going to stay like this until until they’ve finished uni.

You’re story is odd OP (and maybe your username is apt)…

Adult children who have left home do not own their room and do not need to be asked if someone else can use their room…. Especially when children still living at home haven’t got the space they want!

Your poor younger son, he’s probably too scared to ask you after your first rejection because he is used to getting second rate treatment from you, and getting his brothers crumbs.

My kids are not scared if asking anything thank you .

Where did i say I was going to ask him.

Yep shit mum me crumbs for the younger ones.

I'm.oldest child, left home at 18 for uni & only been back since for hols. 1st term & my younger DSis was given my bigger room, absolutely 💯 fine, she was going to be there full time for at least 6 more yrs & DP were hel0ung with my uni accommodation. Costs.
She stayed at home till 26 & got married, I've still never been back forore than 5 days .

DH only child left home & DP got rid of literally everything before he was home for Xmas. Then wondered why he didn't want to come home & look after them as they got older/infirm..

Use the room for your family who are still at home. But tell your DC 1st.

I will get it sorted in the summer holidays

Yes of course he should have the room. I don't understand your thinking.

Why should the room be kept in case elder DS came home? Why is he more important?

Where did i say he's more important?

Your thinking you should keep the room for him implies he's more important than the DS currently living in the house.

I'm not having a go at you by the way. It's just what your actions seem to suggest.