Issue with my neighbour's autistic kid - any advice welcome

[DawnoftheFred]

First post for me and I created an account specifically to ask for advice - I hope I dont come across too badly as I know this can be a sensitive subject, so here goes:

My neighbours have a 5 year old boy who is non-verbal and spends pretty much all day from 6AM to 8PM screaming and banging the walls behind my head (they are terrace houses, or townhouses in USian).

I feel bad for the kid, but not so much for the parents as they are not very nice people; there have been numerous issues with them, not limited to me and going back to before the boy was born - they're not good neighbours on the whole.

However this is making my life a misery - I can't get a moment's peace and quiet in my own home. I've asked the parents if they can do anything about it but they simply don't care - I suspect they're staring at their phones all day ignoring the kid. They never take him anywhere apart from the special school so he's cooped up in the house all day every day for the summer. Their front garden and back garden are completely overgrown so he can't even play outside.

They own the house so there's no landlord to complain to, and I'm pretty sure a council noise order will do nothing. Is there anything else I can do? I'm not financially in a position to move. Im curious to know if the kid will grow out of this at some stage, because I literally can't imagine what it will be like if he's still behaving like that at 15 or 16.

This is so sad.

Do you have a social work services near you that you could raise child welfare concerns?

Could try calling the council but I think you're fked basically. Noisy neighbours are noisy neighbours.

Just to caveat a few things, it sounds like their sons needs are very high, so it may be hard for them to maintain other things like the garden while juggling his care. It can all become a vicious cycle and they could well be overwhelmed and struggling. It can be very hard to take a child out who's got high needs, not everyone is understanding and not all settings will be accessible for him.

I'd be more inclined to go down the SS route if you think the house is not well maintained and if his needs aren't being met. I don't think a noise complaint is the right option because really they may be doing what they can to manage this already.

Do you own your home?

Does it sound like he is upset, or is it more playful screaming?
If he is that constantly in a meltdown state, I'd probably call the school, if you know where he attends, and speak to their safeguarding lead. It might be that he really is that upset that often, but it could also be neglect and lack of stimulation causing distress. The school would be able to compare it to the behaviour they see and somebody with training can decide whether they need to act upon it.

It doesn't help your living conditions, but it could help his.

Life’s too short. I would be selling up and moving, that’s assuming the noise isn’t so constant that it puts off possible buyers. If you start putting in complaints and involving authorities, it might be something you have to disclose when selling,nsomid just cut m6 losses and move. The situation is not going to improve.

Safeguarding Hub/Team if you are in the UK.
The phone number should be on your Local Authority website.
Please phone, your info might add to info they already have.

Could you soundproof the walls?

Oh that poor boy. I think you need to put your noise concerns on the back foot and think about child welfare. A child screaming all day is worrisome even if they are non verbal. He could be in a constant state of meltdown. I’m not in the UK but I’d call social services for sure.

Could you offer to help them clear their garden so that their son has a safe outdoor space to play?

It's possible their son needs almost constant supervision to keep him safe, so they don't have time to do things like clear the garden.

On their phones all day...what an assumption!

This exactly.

Autistic kids can be sensory seekers and that can be noisy, dangerous etc. They can have sleep issues, poor risk assessment, no sense of danger or understanding of the world, services cannot always facilitate them and even taking the kid out of the home can be distressing.

It's easy to become burnt out being a parent carer, and you can't get out of the burnout cycle if you don't remove yourself from the trigger for a substantial period of time, and when the trigger is your own child it's nigh on impossible.

Autism also has a strong genetic component and autistic burnout is a different beast.

The garden is the least of my worries, as an autistic parent carer to an autistic child and my child isn't as high support needs as your neighbour.

If you genuinely believe the child to be in danger then you need to contact the police and social services, if you think the family could just do with support call social services, but you're very unlikely to get anywhere on just the noise front unless you can strongly evidence that they could do more and that the noise isn't entirely to do with disability.

Stop thinking about "noise" and start thinking "neglected child".

What would you do if these neighbours weren't feeding their child or dressing him? Do that for this child.

Also they probably don't want him in the garden so more people can complain his stimming is ruining their peaceful enjoyment of their gardens.

This is a tale as old as time for us with autistic children.

Can confirm.

My neighbours' son spins in circles all evening in the garden if the weather is fine and chatters to himself. I'm autistic myself so, whilst I don't enjoy his behaviour, I understand it and let him be.

The people the other side of them are... less understanding... and the cycle goes roughly:

• The assholes complain because they want to sit out drinking with their mates and don't want to have to see and hear a "weirdo" even though they make more noise outside than he does.
• My neighbours call their son in.
• I get to spend the rest of the evening listening to him having a full-blown meltdown through the party wall.

I think that next time they do that I might practice my trumpet outside that evening.

I second offering to help them with their garden so he can play outside. Unless there's any safety concerns for you re speaking to them or going over to help, it is a possible solution.

You could tell them someone was talking to you about their home and garden and everything they aren't on top of because their autistic kid needs one on one or two on one constantly, and say you wondered if they'd like you to help make their garden safe for him to play in, if it's something he might like.

You never know, they might change their shitty behaviour towards you as a result.

Don't take this advice if it won't be safe.

sell Up and move away . It won’t change. My neighbours have a child with autism and from the minute she’s awake she’s screaming and shouting. It’s hell and I can’t escape even to the garden . I’m waiting to move. Frankly I feel sorry for the parents as it must be torture but they can’t do anything to stop it.

I'm so sorry, OP - sounds like an absolute nightmare. Is there anyway you can get confirmation from neighbours that they've tried perceived routes re noise abatement? I think you may have to take a direct approach (however uncomfortable) but make it clear that your own home is no longer a comfortable environment and that is not reasonable.