I'm 22 and I've been living at home while doing postgraduate vocational study as part of training for a career in professional services. While I've been home, I've noticed that my mum really struggles to make decisions. These decisions can be about big things (eg. whether to change jobs), but she also struggles to make decisions about day-to-day matters. For example, when making plans with my friends I always double check with her that we don't have family plans with her parents and siblings which aren't in the calendar but which she might be thinking about eg. l asked her if she'd mind me going to watch the football at the pub with friends or would she prefer me to be free to watch it at my grandma's. She often takes 48 hours or so to decide, and is similarly indecisive about whether to say yes to specific plans with her friends, or even whether to go for a walk before work.
I think a lot of this indecisiveness arises from the mental load she takes on. Some of this is related to day-to-day household things, but I think that household labour is split quite fairly (although I'm open to suggestions as to what else I can do): we have a cleaner once a week who cleans the bathrooms, kitchen, and downstairs living spaces; everyone takes responsibility for their own rooms; the cooking is split between my mum (50%), dad (30%), and me (20%). All after-dinner clean up is done by my dad, then because my mum and sister struggle to put things back when they got them from, 5 days out of 7 I'll do a half-hour whip around at lunchtime if I'm working from home or after work to put everything that's been left on the surfaces and floors in the kitchen and sitting room away. My parents struggle to remember to do chores that aren't day-to-day but still need to be done regularly so I wash everyone's sheets, towels, and cushion covers, put the dishwasher and washing machine through their cleaning cycle, and hoover the soft furnishings once a week.
The primary issue is that my mum takes on the mental load where she doesn't need to. This relates mainly to what my sister (20) and I are up to. If we're going on a night out, on holiday, moving to and from university at the end of terms, or starting new residential jobs (we've both worked as pastoral and teaching staff on summer schools), my mum will say she can't possibly make a decision about x,y,z because she's focused on getting me/my sister off to whatever we're doing. We're perfectly capable adults who have both lived away from home during university, so she really doesn't need to worry about us getting public transport there, packing appropriately, or fixing whatever problem might arise from us forgetting to pack something. I don't know how to help her with this: we'd much rather she didn't worry about us and instead had more mental capacity to focus on herself. Because she worries so much, if a problem comes up I don't tell her about it until I've found the solution (eg. my flight was once cancelled and I didn't call to tell her until I'd found an alternative).
Any suggestions for how I can help her see that she doesn't need to take on the mental load relating to my and my sister's personal activities because we can manage ourselves would be most appreciated!