Have you ever reinvented yourself?

[reinventionn]

I reckon I’m halfway through my working life and I’m pretty over it. I’m in a corporate role, fairly senior, arsehole boss, pretty pointless work in the great scheme of things but decent salary.

Our kids are early secondary / late primary and I’ve always worked other than maternity leave and I’m the main breadwinner by quite a long way, so I’m actually quite trapped.

Also overweight, unfit, lacking fresh air and daylight due to stupid office job too.

More and more I want out of my current work set-up. I want to try different things, I don’t think I want to work for someone any more, I want to be in control of my life and time and not some narcisstic wanker. I want to do something that lights a passion, that gives me more freedom because it doesn’t feel like work. I don’t want to do just one thing and have my eggs in one basket, I want to try lots of different things. I want more time for my health, for nature, for fitness. I want to help my husband in his self-employed business, I want to be about more for the kids, I want to show them that anything’s possible.

I don’t really know what I’d do though tbh. My job is pretty niche and whilst it’s been “ok”, and before I had thought that I’d just consult in that space, but honestly I don’t know that I can face waffling on about it for another 20 years.

I’m thinking I need an exit plan for a couple of years’ time and aim to be made redundant at work to give me a payout / cushion.

Fully aware that this could be a mid-life crisis but honestly, fuck it, I can’t face this corporate bullshit for the rest of my working life. There HAS to be more to life. Maybe I’ve been watching too much Steven Bartlett and Simon Squibb.

Please inspire with stories of reinvesting yourselves. Brownie points if you’re like me the main breadwinner and managed to stay afloat and turn your hand to something different or new when you never really had a clear plan.

You sound like you're in cloud cuckoo land and having some sort of midlife crisis. You are talking bollocks. What do you want? What are you hoping to achieve here and what is stopping you? You may decide to change jobs, but before you jump ship. think about what you really want?

You've got quite a long time until your kids finish school and go off to say uni .

There's absolutely nothing stopping you from doing whatever you want. Now. be it joining our choir, taking up knitting, learning Italian , going on weekends abroad , learning how to cook choux pastry, or whatever it is you want.

you've got absolutely no reason to not do any of these things in the current situation that you're in.

I think you're talking absolute nonsense and you could change a lot of things before you jump ship with your job.

I've got great friends who I get together with for a curry and wine, go and watch The Killers, going on holiday with them for a long weekend to Cyprus. and spending lots of quality time with my lovely husband. Whilst my boys are almost self-sufficient these days apart from washing lots of football kits!!

Seriously before you make any decisions just stop and think about what is you really want here, before you do something stupid .

I hear you, OP. Very similar situation, reliant on my income, 10-15 more years of dependent DC, v little margin for me to take a step back to refocus. I would love to pour my effort into something that directly benefits my family, and I would love the thing I'm spending the effort on to be directly fulfilling to my wellbeing. Plus better work/life balance etc, as PP said, that one is in my gift within the usual constraints of energy/time/finance.

On the first 2, my plan 3 years ago was to gradually shift to a portfolio career of NED and consultancy on stuff I'm really interested in. Much, much easier said than done!

My dream is to make squillions from a blog where I vent about stuff in effortlessly insightful prose, but yeah, I did say dream.

Watching with interest!

YY @DesparatePragmatist - thank you for getting it. The younger generations are tolerating less shit at work and I think they are right.

I’ve just discovered the term portfolio career. This is it!

There are people making tons of cash from all sorts of jobs that didn’t exist a few years ago so in the words of Simon Squibb: “what is stopping you from setting up your blog?”!! I saw someone on instagram the other day filming herself filling nice containers with cornflakes and pasta and putting them on a shelf. So there MUST be a market for your venting 😃

Calm down @Oblomov24. I’m not quitting my job tomorrow. I said I need an exit plan and was looking for inspiration for those who had done similar. I will be the person that tells people to aim high, make it happen, rather than the one to say you’re in cloud cuckoo land. Maybe it is a mid life crisis. Why are we demonizing mid life crises? Perhaps we should “lean in” and appreciate that these urges to break free are a key pivotal point in our life and that we’d be better off listening to ourselves rather than repressing this into some weird box of shame for thinking there has to be more.

@reinventionn
I love what you have said about midlife!

I read an interesting article which talks about midlife crisis being a relatively modern media invention and how midlife was talked about in much more positive terms in the past. Obviously in the past it was men who had the big careers - but it was very much considered that in middle-age you had more gravitas and could start to look at better and more wide ranging roles that could be tailored to suit.

Such a shame to write off a new life stage in such a derogatory way as some posters like to do!

You are looking for a different way of living and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not sure if it helps but I imagine that if you could go into some sort of advisory role or consultancy role you would do well in terms of money but may be able to step back from crazy politics. A couple of my contacts have done that and as far as I’m aware it’s been quite successful.

I will be keeping an eye on this thread because I’m looking at things in a different way. I had to step back in my 30s for health reasons and now looking to step up again. Mumsnet is at its best when we have a constructive exchange of ideas.

editing to add, some of the most successful people I know have had their careers mapped out years in advance and that always involves an exit plan and a transition into what happens next. So as far as I can see you are certainly thinking along the right lines.

Can you move into PT consultancy and have much more time for life, hobbies etc?

That's probably the easiest way for a breadwinner to do it.

Does your company have a learning and development team? If it does they might be able to coach you?

I have - my life is so different now than it was a few years ago. However mine was more driven by the ending of my marriage, but I changed career to work for a company that properly supports me and that has made work so much more enjoyable. My advice is to think about the culture and ethos of who you work for. How do you want to feel at work vs what do you want to do/achieve?

@EmeraldRoulette interesting on mid life stuff!

I could consult. But my area isn’t given me the feels anymore. So yes I could possibly do a bit of that but definitely think I need to do something else or a few other things too. I don’t want to be beholden to, or rely on, one thing.

Digging through old MN posts, I found this book recommended Refuse To Choose which I’ve just ordered.

@Overtheatlantic yes we do. I’m going to start some coaching with them later in the year, though my fear is that it will be directed in the interest of my employer than really about me as such. Let’s see.

@CrapBucket good for you, well done, you must be proud of yourself! I am limited in other job opportunities. I live abroad, in a quite a small city and we wouldn’t move. So I genuinely think that alongside my current distaste for employers, I will have to think beyond that and make my own opportunities rather than depend on someone else to pick me. A friend was made redundancy last year, he’s just been through a 6+ months recruitment process, something like 10 interviews, just to be told he hasn’t got the job. Sod that.

I'm at home for around a week before heading off for another fortnight working as event crew in the rain and mud, camping out, eating crap... Been on the go since mid-May 😁

Redundancy. Brilliant.

Yes me! After my divorce.

When I had a therapist she said you can reinvent yourself every single day.

When I got my shit together I invested loads of time in to meditation, self discovery. Then lost three stone by doing weights and eating better so my appearance changed.

Work wise - I have my own business and I’m so tired and stressed with it. Hardly any time for the kids so I’ve give my self 12 months to switch to an online business where I can work from home ( and not to have to deal with staff or the public 😂)

It might fail but nothing is going to change if I don’t try

As I’ve got older my priorities have changed. Time is going way too fast. I want time with my kids and time to enjoy my life.

I’m 45

Find a way and do it

It is possible to change careers mid-life. I left teaching at 50, after 12 years, and successfully returned to my original career in financial marketing - but I prepped for it, updating skills, reading the trade press, and textbooks from university courses. However, I had to take a slight reduction in salary and never quite made that up. But I was much happier: someone I only saw occasionally said I looked ten years younger...

Great stuff @bellocchild. How long did your prep/updating skills period take?

Exactly, it's about trying I think. Honestly, some days my job is bearable, other days I just feel like I'm justifying myself to arseholes and that none of it really matters.

Would love to work in a way that make the world of work better for my kids, for all our kids. My employer recently announced a back to office policy after remote/totally flexible working since 2020. It's going to hurt so many people to have that flexibility taken away, it just feels so archaic and quite frankly moronic. I love the work done by the likes of Mother Pukka and The 4 Day Week people. I know flexible conditions can't suit every role but honestly it's about time we woke up to the new environment.

Younger generations want different things from the workplace. I would like to help to facilitate that I think: The New Challenge of Engaging Younger Workers (gallup.com)

I think as long as you don't rush into it, why not? Life is short.

I highly recommend reading some of what a researcher at London Business School herminia ibarra is publishing on career change. She was on the squiggly careers podcast recently. And the squiggly careers book as well.

@Oblomov24

Your post was hilarious! You clearly feel very passionately about the impossibility of OP's desires, despite the fact that lost of people do exactly what she's talking about. Why so blinkered, and so passionate about it?!

@reinventionn

What's your partner's view on this? How you go about it will be very different if you have an extra, adult child around the house to look after, compared to a supportive partner who is willing to make changes and support your own changes.

I changed career once in my mid-thirties (following maternity leave) and am on the brink of doing it again in my late forties, mainly because I stepped out of a role that wasn’t working and now nobody in my sector will give me a bloody job! I’m freelancing, but it’s not quite the same.

One thing that I have noticed is that the ability to work remotely or hybrid has really increased the field of competition for roles. Great for the recruiter, not so much for the applicant…

The other way to look at it is to review what you do outside work. Do you make the most of those hours? You could work all day as a corporate marketing manager and then ride home on a unicycle via a circus skills workshop, if that’s what you wanted to do…

Yep totally get it, I retrained as a children's social worker 2 years ago at 40 and I absolutely love it! Money isn't as good as my previous career yet but it will be in a few years.

Loved challenging myself and feeling like I'm helping people. I get to set my own working day as well, organising my own visits, meetings etc. Do it whilst you have the drive!

Not that long! I did a few temp contracts to get my bearings in a commercial environment, then played it by ear. I was not too up-to-date on office IT systems so I carried an IT for Dummies book in my bag and retreated to the loo to consult it occasionally. Later, I went on specific courses to learn Adobe programs. It was surprisingly straightforward. (And I was quite tough by then, after years of teaching in secondary schools!)