Does everyone take things as personally as me?

Original poster

Puffinfoot · 11/07/2024 12:15

Even you lot don't love me 🤣

OP posts:

VestPantsandSocks · 11/07/2024 12:18

It's fine - you still have lots of other people attending!

notnorman · 11/07/2024 12:18

I would never book/arrange anything like this as it would really affect me if people didn't come! Xx

Whothefuckdoesthat · 11/07/2024 12:45

I'm organising an event for a club I belong to. I have 31 acceptances which is excellent, I was hoping for about 15

I think that they are probably thinking about it as a club event, rather than a Puffin event. They won’t see it as not being there for you, so it’s not the same as if you called them, needing their support.

I do understand why you’d be nervous about organising it and why you’d feel a bit let down. But, in the kindest possible way, I wonder whether your feelings about losing your DH, and the loss of support he gave you, is at the root of this, rather than your friends. If your DH was there by your side, waving your flag and telling you everything was going to go brilliantly, would you even think twice about them cancelling?

GreenFields07 · 15/07/2024 18:14

Im the same as you OP I really take things personally and its something im trying to work on because I know its a flaw of mine and not everyone else's problem. I think there's nothing wrong with people cancelling with abit of notice but it seems rude that you had to confirm with them before they let you know? I don't organise events like this because it would be my worst nightmare! Id back off from friends who I feel have let me down, and I wouldnt be organising anything again!

CallieRose · 15/07/2024 18:37

I think your grief is probably playing a big part in how you feel about it, I'm the same since my DH died. It makes you feel very alone and like you don't have anyone to completely rely on putting you first and being there to support you no matter what. Big hugs.

Noseybookworm · 15/07/2024 19:06

I would say try not to take it personally - we all have a lot on and most people are juggling a lot of balls 😩 I'm sure they don't mean to let you down. There will still be lots of people at your event and it will go well. Your bereavement is hard and it's normal to feel lonely. Maybe next time you organise an event, have a quiet word with your closest friends and let them know how you're feeling and that you would really appreciate them being there for moral support. Sometimes it's hard to make ourselves vulnerable in this way but it's ok to ask for help when you need it 💐

Harry12345 · 15/07/2024 19:16

I get like this but think it’s part of my adhd, it actually hurts when people let me down or I’m not invited to something, I take a while to letter it settle before I respond as I know I over react x

Blackberryandcherry · 15/07/2024 20:12

I just wanted to add that I’d find this really tough and upsetting too. I’d be pretty hurt to be honest. I think sometimes people can be inherently selfish and put their own needs ahead of others without giving much/any thought about the impact it might have on you.

If I’d already accepted an invite then I’d go out of my way to make the event, but as I’ve gotten older I have realised that others won’t do the same in return and it can be very upsetting and hurtful. I doubt it’s personal, they’ve just had a better offer unfortunately for something they’d rather do.

Good luck with the event!

Pomegranatecarnage · 15/07/2024 22:48

I would feel the same and always make sure I never let anyone down in this way unless there is a really good reason-which would be illness or family emergency. My DH died too, and I think it makes this sort of disappointment worse.

Excourtclerk · 21/07/2024 08:44

Puffinfoot · 11/07/2024 11:30

I'm organising an event for a club I belong to. I have 31 acceptances which is excellent, I was hoping for about 15.

Because I was nervous about attendance, I checked the date and idea with some of my closer friends before putting the details out, and everyone said brilliant, love to be there.

I've put out a message to confirm numbers for this weekend, knowing there'll be some drop outs and maybe some who'd like to be added.

4 of what I think of as good friends, have now told me they can't come. One is doing something with other friends that was previously postponed due to bad weather, one has had a family thing sprung on him by an adult son, with whom he has a fragile relationship, one has been invited to a work social thing by the Big Big boss and feels obliged to be there and the other has decided that her night out the day before means she won't be in any condition to come.

So at least 3/4 have good excuses and from anyone else I'd think stuff happens, but I am ridiculously upset that my good friends have let me down and aren't supporting the event. Even them individually, I'd say never mind, can't be helped, but this feels really personal.

Just me who over reacts like this?

I'm just going to like their messages, the same as I will for others(only 2 and one extra person), I won't make a fuss, but it's hurt me.

I think partly becuase it's things like this that make me realise that, although I have lots of good people around me, there's no one who's ever going to put me first, since DH died. It's really hard

I get how you feel. My very good friend takes part in events and her family and other friends always come up with excuses not to attend or ignore her messages then respond after the event has happened. I always make a point of going to support her especially since she told me she only has me attend these things. I know she would do the same for me.

Notmydaughteryoubitch · 21/07/2024 08:51

Did you communicate the importance to you or their attendance at this group event? If not I imagine they can see you have good attendance, as pp said see it as a group event rather than a you specific event and have therefore prioritised the other thing which has come up. If you haven't spoken to them about this then I think it is unfair to expect them to read your mind. Many people wouldn't mind for a well attended group event if some people dropped out, you clearly do. In future be open with your friends about how it felt and ask for their support. I do think underpinning is likely to be your grief (unless this is a pattern for you longer term before your bereavement). Either way, it's probably worth doing some work to address. Kindly this is a you issue, you can choose to continue to feel this way when things happen or try to understand what sits behind it and work through that.

Notmydaughteryoubitch · 21/07/2024 08:51

Did you communicate the importance to you or their attendance at this group event? If not I imagine they can see you have good attendance, as pp said see it as a group event rather than a you specific event and have therefore prioritised the other thing which has come up. If you haven't spoken to them about this then I think it is unfair to expect them to read your mind. Many people wouldn't mind for a well attended group event if some people dropped out, you clearly do. In future be open with your friends about how it felt and ask for their support. I do think underpinning is likely to be your grief (unless this is a pattern for you longer term before your bereavement). Either way, it's probably worth doing some work to address. Kindly this is a you issue, you can choose to continue to feel this way when things happen or try to understand what sits behind it and work through that.

ViciousCurrentBun · 21/07/2024 09:10

Well two of them have rock solid reasons don’t they, the DS and the invite from then big boss. The other two it’s a bit feeble.