How to accept not having more babies??

[Sorrytobecrazy]

My partner and I were discussing if we were done having children.
I’m 36 and I was happy to stop at 3 and felt really content with my family.
However he put a spanner in the works by saying he’d love one more. I absolutely love babies and pregnancy so I knew I’d be easily persuaded if that’s what he wanted, I always wanted 6-8 children but didn’t think it would be fair on the older children so settled at 3.
I said it would be an option I haven’t ruled out if we can make it work financially etc.
Roll on a week later we discussed timings etc as our youngest has just turned a year old. I said I’d prefer a closer age gap due to my age mainly, and he says that he wants to wait and enjoy our 1 year old first.
It felt like a slap in the face.
Everyone knows you enjoy all of your children at the same time, you don’t just pick one until they’re too old and enjoy the next baby to replace them!
He knows my cut off is 37 so it feels really insensitive that he got me broody and hopeful to then basically say it won’t be happening. He knew how excited I got.
I told him it would have to be 2025 latest or not at all. He said thats fair but he’s enjoying our son. He isn’t in a rush because he is 32, but he doesn’t care about how I feel. And I feel stupid for being upset about a baby I’d never intended to think about.
I was happy to stop at 3 and didn’t give it a second thought, but now he’s put it in my head I realise that I’d actually love to experience it all again.
There is a 10 year gap between my 2nd and 3rd after an unknown cause of infertility, I was just pleased to finally have another baby that I didn’t want to push my luck and think about anymore. Now it’s all I think about.
Knowing I won’t get to experience it again and all the baby bits will be gone from the house has really affected me more than I expected because of his comments.
I know I would have been fine otherwise as I can handle things myself my way.
I’m hurt and angry. I don’t know how to let go of this hypothetical baby and accept no more babies when I was perfectly fine in my 3 children being my limit several weeks ago.
We were discussing baby names and getting excited, for him to then say he’s fine to stick with 3 as if he’s done a good thing, no sensitivity or anything.
Can anyone share their experiences or advice on how to forget and move on please? I don’t want it to affect my children.
(to clarify there will not be a 4th baby)
thanks

Bump

Why’s your cut off 37? It seems a bit arbitrary.

How old are your other children?

The main thing is time. Women 'generally' have a strong desire to get pregnant and have babies. It's natures way and it's normal. Thats why so many women have kids with totally unsuitable men or in circumstances that aren't good for children such as poor housing or lack of money.
My brain knew I didn't want anymore kids after my last child but I still felt broody. It stupid and doesn't make sense but that how it is.

You've got to remind yourself what is best for your existing family.

Agree with a PP that the cut off of 37 seems to be arbitrary unless there's a drip feed coming. If you won't go past 37, and he doesn't want a baby right now, that's that isn't it.

It would be no more fair for you to be angry at him for not wanting one right now, than for him to be angry at you for not wanting to have a baby after the age of 37.

There was a gap of 6 years between our 2nd and 3rd babies. A 10 year gap suggests a fourth baby wouldn't be guaranteed. Why not do what we did and let nature decide.

You sound very inflexible

I thought my cut off would be 37 but it took us 18ish months of "trying but not trying" to finally get pregnant and now I will be 39 when I give birth. Never thought that would be me but a year doesn't make a huge difference for something I really wanted. And mothers are getting older now so no one has batted an eye at my age and this has so far been my easiest pregnancy. It is insensitive of him not to think of fertility changes and your wishes if it's something he really wants as well but remind him it takes time to get pregnant and then 9 months to grow so starting now means you'll have lots of time with your 1 year old before another came along.

Ffs 3 is enough.

I don't get your point. You wanted 6 kids. Then didn't. Then wanted to again because you had a baby and husband wanted to, but you can't understand him wanting to wait for another until baby is over 1. So now you will never want another and hate your husband because you think you're too old ?
If you don't want another baby then that's fine, 3 kids is a good family, don't be pushed into thinking you want more x

You are being so incredibly unreasonable that it's hard to know where to start. Your partner is allowed to change his mind, he's allowed to want to take it slowly and it's not actually ok for you to be so OTT and twist what he's trying to tell you. The stuff about thinking he wants to enjoy your baby for a few years then get a new one is really warped thinking OP, I'm sorry but there's no other way of putting it.

You're so far from behaving rationally about this that I wonder if maybe you've got PND or something like that going on? Or just having a really hormonal day maybe?! In any case I think some counselling if you can get it would really really help before you even think about trying for another baby.

As the mother of three adult children, three is plenty. I still have some financial responsibility for them in their 20s. I never expected that.

As for how to accept not having more babies - that involves going with your head rather than your heart. It took my years to conceive in the first place, had two quite quickly, then two miscarriages before having my 3rd at 40. I knew I couldn't put myself through any more heartbreak.

Not sure why you have 37 as a cut off? Ideally I wouldn't have had a baby aged 40 either but it was that or not have a baby, so I went for it!

Have you actually stopped to think about how you are going to afford all these children going forward? Three was our limit yet it was a challenge. To give them all the opportunities and activities we wanted tested our limits. Plus the cost of childcare was extortionate!

Can’t see that he’s done anything wrong there really- he’s told you he’d like another child, but not straight away as you already have a baby. Very reasonable! You’re the one flip flopping and putting a deadline on it and getting mad that he won’t meet your arbitrary deadline

I think that some woman have this idea they like a big family. They can find out then that the reality is far different than they expect. Then some times things don't go according to plan and there can be a bigger gap between children.
I think in your situation that you already have 3 children and one of these is a small baby. It could be hormone driven. Your husband may be happy with 3 kids.
As your children get older the expenses will grow. You need to consider you, your own health, your husband and the children you currently have.

This is one of the most irrational posts I’ve ever read. In the space of a week you’ve gone from happy to stop at three to desperately needing a 4th asap and somehow this is all your partner’s fault? He expressed a thought, you let your emotions completely off the leash plus threw in an arbitrary deadline to hurry him up, now you’re devastated and blaming him!

Nobody else is in charge of your emotions- that’s up to you. You can’t just expect him to tiptoe around in case you get overexcited.

Stop issuing ultimatums and have a sensible conversation about it. I had both my kids over 37 and the world did not end.

I think him having 3 by 32 is pretty good going with a 10 year age gap thrown in. I'm not surprised he's thought about it and decided not yet. Give him a year enjoy the kids you have and re visit the idea in a year or so. In the mean time stop killing your relationship with deadlines and ultimatums.

Another one who doesn't understand the arbitrary cut off point. I'm 38 and if my husband said he wanted a third I'd probably go for it. My friend is 37 and trying for her first at the moment.

To clear up a few things my first 2 are older teenagers, my 1 year old is basically an only child as my teens do their own thing now. It took 10 years to conceive my 1 year old so of course I’m sensitive to the subject. I was happy to stop until my partner was going on about another non stop, to then a week later saying he’s changed his mind. If that isn’t insensitive I don’t know what is. He’s free to change his mind, but after a week he should have thought about it more before discussing it. I have a cut off yes, it’s for my own personal reason but even if I didn’t have a cut off point I don’t want to go through the same issues I did with not being able to conceive then finding it’s too late and my menopause begins. (All women in my family begin theirs during late 30s).
Maybe I’m unreasonable as you all say, but I’m entitled to my feelings that if he’s going to get my hopes up he needs to stick with it or not discuss it at all in my opinion.

3 is enough. The planet is dying and overpopulation is killing it.