Muslim funeral

[LilyRose12]

My partners grandmother has sadly passed away and I have been invited to join the funeral tomorrow. This will be a Muslim funeral held at the mosque, followed by a burial.

I am not Muslim, and I think I might be the only non-Muslim attending. I’m super cautious to dress modestly and be supportive to the family, but keen to understand a little more about the funeral itself - Can anyone offer any insight please?

I’m aware that typically woman sit separately to men, and that there will be prayers etc. I’m anxious about what to do during the prayers - just respectfully observe I suppose, as I can’t join in. Also wondering if the service will entirely in Arabic.

Thank you

I'm also not Muslim but went to the funeral of a family member who had married into quite a traditional Muslim family and converted to Islam herself.

If they separate the sexes at the Mosque (I don't know if this always happens but it did when I was there), DGMs coffin will be in the 'ladies room' where all the women will congregate to pray and pay their respects while the men go in the main Mosque. If a lot of people knew DGM there could be a lot of people there, possibly hundreds. If you knew DGM and want to pay her respects you will be able to go up to the coffin. Don't forget a scarf to cover your hair.

I don't remember a formal 'service' at the Mosque as such but that might have been in the main area, that women don't enter. When all that is over, everyone will go to the cemetery for the burial. I think there will then be more prayers then while DGM is buried. After that it was back to someone's house for food and tea/soft drinks. This might not take long because by this time everyone might have been up all night as the family usually washes the deceased and prays all night so I think it's usually a case of eat and then sleep after the funeral. Is it today that DGM passed away?

Again, depending on traditional the family are, the men and women may be in different rooms so you might not be able to sit in the same room as your partner or eat with him. Do you already know his female relatives that are a similar age to you?

I'm also not Muslim but went to the funeral of a family member who had married into quite a traditional Muslim family and converted to Islam herself.

If they separate the sexes at the Mosque (I don't know if this always happens but it did when I was there), DGMs coffin will be in the 'ladies room' where all the women will congregate to pray and pay their respects while the men go in the main Mosque. If a lot of people knew DGM there could be a lot of people there, possibly hundreds. If you knew DGM and want to pay her respects you will be able to go up to the coffin. Don't forget a scarf to cover your hair.

I don't remember a formal 'service' at the Mosque as such but that might have been in the main area, that women don't enter. When all that is over, everyone will go to the cemetery for the burial. I think there will then be more prayers then while DGM is buried. After that it was back to someone's house for food and tea/soft drinks. This might not take long because by this time everyone might have been up all night as the family usually washes the deceased and prays all night so I think it's usually a case of eat and then sleep after the funeral. Is it today that DGM passed away?

Again, depending on traditional the family are, the men and women may be in different rooms so you might not be able to sit in the same room as your partner or eat with him. Do you already know his female relatives that are a similar age to you?

Sorry for your loss.

The men and the women sit separately in different rooms at the mosque.

When she's buried at the cemetery prayers will be said at the grave. The men fill the grave and say prayers as they do it. The women stand back.

After there will be food somewhere we usually hire a hall but lots of people do it at home. My lot normally mix together for the meal but we are very liberal. We don't tend to segregate unless we have to.

Have you got a head covering?

Hi @Bjorkdidit

Thank you so much for your reply.

Yes she sadly passed away early this morning. Initially they had hoped to have the burial today after the lunchtime prayer but timings were too tight.

She is Moroccan and passed at the family home here in the UK so it will be a fairly small number of people attending - I am fairly close to DPs Mum and sisters and a couple of aunties but I think I will be the only non-Muslim attending so just wanted to know roughly what to expect

Hi @Greatmate

Thanks for your reply. I do have a head scarf yes, as I am also due to attend a Nikkah in a few weeks.

I am on the understanding that perhaps the women won’t attend the burial part - there seems to be a bit of a divide on this part. The aunty who lives in the UK suggested that we will (but stand back as you mention) whereas the Moroccan aunt who is much more practising suggested that we shouldn’t at all.

Why do the women sit separately from the men?

Hi @Hedgeoffressian

I’m not Muslim so I hope I’m getting this correct, but I believe it’s so there isn’t distraction during prayer.

Thank you @BadeballSkihipto for your kindness

Just go with the flow and follow the families lead. It's very different to a Christian service. I think some of the things are really nice. I like that the family (men) fill the grave. It's like a last act of service and love to send her soul to peace. Although, if their aren't many family members they might not be able to do it. Have you talked about how your partner wants to be buried?

Much like a synagogue where men and women sit separately. Not that hard to understand.

@LilyRose12 - some say it's ok to attend the burial part, some say it isn't. Usually women stand at the back if they do attend whilst the men participate in the burial with special prayers etc.

You can sit on the side at the mosque when the prayers take place. Anyone at the mosque at the time attending for normal prayers will also participate in the burial prayers. Most get buried after lunchtime prayers.

It's so that during worship nothing distracts them from focusing on God. Although, segregation of sexes is normal unless it's close (immediate) family members ( people you couldn't marry). My family are very liberal so don't observe segregation unless it's a religious service.

@Greatmate Thank you. I was at the family home today and whilst it was a very sad and tearful for everyone it was actually very peaceful too. They had Quran readings playing and just exchanging stories and looking back at old photographs etc. It was lovely to be asked to join.
It’s hopefully a long way off for my partner and I, but I understand burial is the only option for Muslims. In the past I personally have thought I might want a cremation but I’m open-minded on it all.

Thank you @nomoretreats for confirming how it works with the prayers section :)

Burial is the only option Muslims but it's worth discussing what should happen should the worst happen. I am an organ donor which would be considered haram. Im married to a Catholic who wants to be cremated. I teach my kids about different religions. I don't tell them anything with certainty. I tell them that some people believe xyz and others don't and ask them what they think. Obviously, I'm not practicing.

That sounds really nice. What a nice loving and inclusive family.

@Greatmate That is how we plan to tackle things with our children too when the time comes :)

We talked about everything before it happened. There was no ambiguity. Our kids have names that are Muslim but universal think Arya, Layla, Zak, Danyal style. We discussed things like circumcision, raising kids, religious celebrations ect. Communication is the key. We're 15 years in and it works for us.

Unless the family are Arabs then no. But they read Quran in Arabic. There is no speech. If they are practicing then no speech. It is just washing of the deceaseed, the shroud, the Salaht 2 units and that's it. The men will go to the cemetey. Women are not permitted.

Just stay at the back and leave space for people to pray. Weat proper attire for the mosque. Give condolences in English and comfort the family lioe with other funerals.