Getting pregnant on purpose when the man doesn’t want a baby

[ManamaCanal]

I think this happens more frequently than we know, just that most people don’t admit it. Either to hold on to the man or because the woman wants a baby no matter what.

I hear a lot of people on here saying that it’s on the man if he doesn’t wrap it up, but in the context of a LT relationship, it would be quite offensive if a man didn’t trust his partner enough to believe she was on the pill when she says she is.

Is it unethical, selfish? Or is it a woman fulfilling her needs. Do you know anyone who has done it? Or the child of such a circumstance? What has the outcome been, on the child and the parents. Can things ever work out well. Is it ever justified. Is it really any worse than using a sperm donor?

Brave confession (obviously name changed for this) - I stopped the pill on purpose when my XH was leaving me. He was a very bad egg but it was like I was mentally in a very poor place after a lot of betrayal and gaslighting. Only had unprotected sex once but fell pregnant. I felt so guilt ridden by the burden of the deception and at the thought of the poor innocent child who would have to bear the consequences of my selfish choice forever that I didn’t go through with it. Not ideal, but I came to my senses and rectified what I did best as I could. XH turned out to be a very bad egg. But now what would have been my due date has passed and I’m feeling pangs of regret and loss and wondering whether it could ever have been justified to keep the baby.

Just curious about what others think.

A child deserves to be wanted by both parents, not to be conceived as part of some complex psychodrama while attempting to 'keep' a departing partner.

I can appreciate that the time around the due date can be very tough -- be kind to yourself. It sounds as if you made the right decision.

I think men should take responsibility for their own fertility and use condoms because even if your LT parnter is using contraceptives it isn't infallible.

I think a lot of people fail to think about what would be the best for that potential baby. Whether knowingly or unknowingly, many people conceive without thinking of anyone but themselves.

It’s not about what the adults want. It’s about doing right by that innocent child who would be born as a result of such behaviour.

The scenario you describe is selfish, firstly towards the baby. Such selfishness can also be seen in planned pregnancies where both partners are aware of it, it doesn’t make it any better. Becoming a parent is about forgetting about your wishes and desires in the first place.

My cousins ex partner did this. She got pregnant by my cousin and they had one child, she wanted another but he didn’t. They split up and she openly told us that she so wanted another baby she deliberately became pregnant by a man who she had an affair with.

He was livid because he had a wife and child but she didn’t care and went on to have the baby.

She’s a very independent woman, she’s an architect with a lovely life. They’re all Danish so I don’t get to see them much but they’re all raising the children between them. I do feel for the baby conceived through the affair because her father definitely didn’t want her.