am I being unreasonable

[Myweepooch]

Should I be concerned, my Sons girlfriend lost her last boyfriend to suicide having had a short term mental illness. She now wants to buy a house with my son and she has demanded that he writes a will because the same is not happening to her that happened to her in her previous relationship. The house was purchased by the boy and her name was not on the mortgage. The boy did not have a will and she saw this as a problem for her even although she just lived with him and helped with some utility bills. She has also advised him of the cost of her friends engagement rings which she said was £6,000 or more, she has set the bar and wants one above that price. My son is a first time buyer and her name will be on the mortgage so there is no need for a will in my opinion until he is married with children. I find this behaviour controlling and fear my Son is being punished for the mistakes she thinks she made in her previous relationship. Personally, I feel very sad for the family who lost their Son and took his life after their relationship broke up. Should this girl be making such demands on my Son?

How long have they been together?

I see a long line of red flags here. How old is your son and how long have they been together? Did he have house buying plans before her met her?
I would talk to him and ask him if he has thought all this through properly before he commits to anything

Is she paying the mortgage with him?

If so then I can understand her need for a will.
Recently our friend died from suicide and their long-term partner who contributed to the mortgage/bills but wasn't on the deeds and no will was left - well its a bloody mess sorting it all out and certainly extra hard when grieving.

But putting an expectation of £6,000 on a ring is bonkers IMO (but I lose things)

She sounds very materialistic and shallow - demanding an engagement ring of over £6k when they're buying a house together is ridiculous.

Your son needs to ensure that his investment in the house is protected in case they split up. I don't think he should be writing a will leaving her everything at this stage in their relationship.

she is very materialistic, they have only been together for a year and a half and has been asking to buy a home with him since going out 3 months. He had plans to save for a deposit to get on the property market. There is a lot of red flags and that is what worries me. He will be 28 this year and this would be his first home. She will be paying the mortgage with him but there is apparently no need for a will if your name is on the mortgage and the deeds. She also said that her friend said my Son should contribute more to the mortgage if he is earning more money. I agree with that if they are married and have a family, otherwise I don’t agree. To be honest my Son has been concerned himself. I agree with you all about the demanding of an over 6k ring, I personally would rather pay that to a home deposit and save for a ring when you are happy that you can live together. If they know they can be happy living together and know there is a long term future together then her demands may be fine. However, this is very early stages and not a long term relationship so I just feel at the moment it is a trial period of compatibility of being able to live together. I would not make demands on anyone and especially not put a price on a ring, I didn’t need an engagement ring. We bought carpets and furniture for our flat with the money and really I just wanted the wedding ring and 33 years later I see myself lucky to still have it.

I think you’re too involved. Making a will is a fantastic idea. What are you worried about, and the man who sadly died wasn’t a boy.

Why don’t you wish him to make a will. It’s a very odd thought on your behalf.

anyone would think if something happened to him you’d be thinking you’d get whatever assets he had, but if he makes a will she will

you really don’t like her do you?!

Don't know why people are acting like you're being unreasonable. She sounds like an absolute nightmare. As sorry as I feel for her with what she went through with her ex, doesn't mean she gets to dictate what your son spends his money on, especially when declaring she wants a ring at £6000+. Seems like they should probably just rent together at the moment and see how it goes before getting in to buying a house together. God knows how you could make your son see that or get the girl to agree. Hope someone comes along with better advice

Making a will is always a good idea - why should they have to leave their home if something happened to the other. They don't have to leave everything to each other do they? (That's up to them anyway). The engagement ring thing is a bit weird though.

If he’s buying a house he should make a will and so should she. The rest of your concerns may be valid but adults who own property should have a will. Doesn’t mean he has to name her in it.

So she broke up with her ex before he died, and still thought she should have been a beneficiary of his will (which he didn’t have)?

She’s wrong, wrong, wrong

Sounds like she is taking all the fun and enjoyment out of your son buying his first house.

I would concentrate on him, ask him if he is really sure about this big move with her. It's going to be much ever so much harder to break up with a house together and it sounds like she will fight him tooth and nail regardless.

Half ownership but not paying half? What if he wants to split up and try to get his equity out?

They need a solicitor's document drawn up beforehand about the property. Percentage owned relating to deposit/mortgage paid, if one wants to sell etc.

And tell her to fuck off about a 6K ring.

Talk to him with your wisdom of experience. This could be amazing, it could also be a ball and chain around his neck. He needs to get into this with his eyes wide open.

If it was my son I would be advising on either buying totally equally, or equal mortgage split. But more than likely at their age, for him to buy solo and see how their relationship progresses.

If they buy a house together and she passes away, do you think it would be fair for your DS to have to sell his home so that he can pay her share (assuming bought as tenants in common) to her parents/NOK? And for any life insurance payouts that could pay off her share of the mortgage to go to her parents/NOK instead?

I would think that if they are embarking on a joint venture like buying a house together then they should make sure that legally they are covered so that the survivor gets to remain in the house and inherits any linked insurance payout etc.

If they aren't committed enough to actively want to look after each other in the case of a potential death, then they aren't committed enough to buy a house together tbh.

Personally, I feel very sad for the family who lost their Son and took his life after their relationship broke up.

Are you suggesting she caused him to commit suicide?