Bullying

[MondayBluesAreBack]

Hi all,

Hoping for some advice re low level bullying. My son is very sociable and friends with lots of kids, but recently one lad has become top dog. All the lads follow him. My son said to me they kiss his butt. The lad gives out banter to all the lads, but my son is the only one to give it back.

On Friday, a large group of lads turned up at our house and demanded to be let in. The ring leader said he would break a window to get in. Then they were saying they were in our garden. My son didn’t want to let them in. He said they hadn’t invited him out they just turned up uninvited. The lads were demanding he came to the window and sent him a photo with their middle fingers up. Today he has a doctors appointment and told the lads he walks with he won’t be in first thing. The ring leader messaged back saying good. My son has tried messaging outright asking if the lad doesn’t like him. The lad didn’t respond at all, so it’s obvious he doesn’t like him for some reason.

I said to my son perhaps try not responding to the banter and not reacting to anything he says. Try not to give him energy to feed on. I feel so upset for him. I really wanted to go out and tell them to fuck off on Friday, but I knew they would probably film me kicking off and post it on social media.

Does ignoring work or would a more assertive approach be better? I want to help him, but I’m worried it will make it worse.

So there was a large group of lads at your house on Friday, demanding to be let in and threatening to smash a window and you did nothing? Who cares if they film you and put it on social media, you are the adult here!

These people are not your sons friends.

when I say very sociable, he is at school not so much afterwards. He doesn’t go out much outside of school. So probably not that sociable!

I am well aware that I’m an adult. I had no issue going out to confront them, but my son didn’t want me to do that.

What age? 8 year olds? 18??

How old are they?

Has ignoring them worked so far? If a large group of boys were outside my house harassing my child and threatening to smash a window, I would have called the police.

Have you been to the school? What's their bullying policy? The top dog doesn't like your son challenging him and is making him a scapegoat. The others are going along with it. Your son needs to keep away from them.

One incident isn't bullying, which is often defined as Several Times On Purpose.

Get your DS to make new friends.

Similar incidents of intimidation then if teens contact the police.

They are 15. He will find it hard to keep away from them. They all walk the same way to school. There is no other practical way to get to school from our house. I have offered to change my hours at work to I can take him to and from school, but he said that will make it worse.

Most of them are nice lads 1-2-1, but they are easily led by this lad. This big group contains the majority of his close friends.

They have outstayed their welcome in our street before, but there were only a few of them that day. They wanted him to go out, but he didn’t want to. They ditched him on another occasion. My son can be stubborn and not want to fit in with the crowd, so I just put it down to him wanting him to do something that the others didn’t want to do. I found out afterwards they were on the phone laughing about ditching him. The also sent him a photo when a group of them went to the cinema without him. This only happens when the ringleader is there. Even he is okay with my son 1-2-1.