Oversharer - how can I stop?

[dancingqueen345]

Morning all,

So I've come to the realisation I'm an over sharer and it keeps biting me in the bum and I need to stop as I think it's coming across as me being a bit of a gossip/unkind.

Just a small example, but my dad is quite elderly and has gone down hill in his mobility and capacity the last couple of years, a family member who hasn't seen him in a while was asking after him and I was quite honest about how sad it had made me seeing him deteriorate etc. which was absolutely not meant in an unkind way. This family member has then phoned my mum, who is quite a private person, to basically enquire about my dad's health because of what I've said. My mum's mortified and felt like she was a bit blindsided by this family member.

I don't think there's any malice in people's actions (nor is there in mine), but ultimately it's put people I love in a position they don't want to be in so I need to stop.

Is this just something I need to consciously remind myself of everytime I see people?! Or has anyone got any tips how to respond to questions that doesn't feel like brushing people off?

I’m exactly the same and yes bit me on the backside a few times. Just ask people about themselves. This genuinely distracts me enough to stop me telling them more about my life. Just focus on talking about them and keep details minimal on your own life - takes a lot of effort my conversations don’t flow so easily but it’s working. Just default options about your Dad like- oh good and bad days like everyone etc and just keep it vague.

I’m the same. I have to very regularly NC on here because I probably say a lot of “outing” things. I just don’t seem to have that filter where other people feel things are private, I just don’t see it that way. Although most of what I tell people is about me, so not something someone else could be annoyed about. But I probably should keep more to myself. It doesn’t come naturally though.

Not sure how not to do it, so watching with interest!

I've come to the conclusion that when people ask, they are not actually that bothered and do it out of politeness. I give vague answers and switch back to the questioner. "I'm good, how are you?" Etc.

I'm an oversharer too, I've learned to recognise the little tingle that happens when I'm just about to overshare. I stop think and usually don't say it unless I'm completely sure about the person I'm saying it to.

Well it's nice not to feel alone in this!

Definitely need to remember that most people don't really care about the real answer to these questions and save my actual thoughts for my partner/close friends!