I think my boyfriend has an online crush.

[VioletW]

My boyfriend and I first met on an online platform. It started with him leaving comments, liking my photos etc.

It didn't go further but about a year later we actually saw each other on a dating platform and it blossomed from there. I know he loves me and the relationship is going well. I believe he's a good man.

I've noticed over the past that he would favourite this specific woman's posts a lot. They work in the same industry so it would mostly be stuff like that but also if she got a new manicure/pics of her (not racy).

It sounds silly but this morning it came up in my feed that she had posted about having a hard time and he replied with this speech about how much she had achieved and how capable she was. It sounded exactly like the deep and meaningful things he says to me and it bothered me.

They haven't met in person yet but they might soon through work events. I don't know how to deal with this. It's making me jealous which isn't a good look.

Yeah he’s becoming focused on her in the same way he connected with you. I think you’re right to question this.

Let him know that it’s making you uncomfortable.

The thing is @AtrociousCircumstance I don't feel I can say anything! I can say this comment appeared on my feed but he'll just say she's a friend and was being encouraging.

It was just hard to see him leaving a comment like that for someone else that I thought was reserved for me.

I feel jealous but I don't know what to do or say.

Yeah …. Trust those spidey feelings.

I had someone’s husband doing this to me when I separated from my exhusband. He was soon DMing me asking if I was ok and trying to be a shoulder to cry on.

She is also stunning. I know he wouldn't be leaving these comments etc if she looked like the back end of a bus!

I don't think he has intentions towards her. I even doubt anything will happen. But there's 'something'. We have never talked about what happens if we get crushes or anything.

He could DM her if he wanted. He clearly isn't because the messages are public.

You have every right to speak to him about this. You’re allowed to be jealous when there is good reason to be!

Is this on facebook or something?

@ExecutionersBong Twitter

If im being me (a vindictive jealous person) I'd say he fancied her.

If I was being more understanding Id say he's a kind man and is just being nice to this other, gorgeous, sexy as hell woman.

@ExecutionersBong exactly!

I think she is all these things. I think I am too on a good day. Just a different hair colour!

I also know men can be stupid and take good things for granted. If I do talk to him about this and he says they're just friends, then what? All I really want is for him to guard against connections that could threaten the relationship and not do anything to feed into them.

He'd dismiss your concerns, not listen and reevaluate? That doesn't sound like how a truly good man would behave.

It’s not jealousy that’s making you feel this way, it’s your spidery senses. He is not respecting your relationship or feelings here.

What does he hope to achieve out of interacting with her?

And he is clearly comfortable putting comments building her up, it’s like they already had dialogue going that you don’t know about. You don’t tend to do that with strangers.

Confront him on it.

I'm not saying that @CeruleanDive

He does listen and reflect on a lot of things, so I hope he would.

I'm just saying if he says she is a friend and I don't need to worry - then what do I say. And what if they do meet in person and become closer?

It's hard to put into words too. Exactly as pp said - it's a Spidey feeling.

They're not good friends though. She's a random internet person he is investing his time and energy in, at the expense of his actual real life partner.

She is @MrTiddlesTheCat - but they might well meet in due course. They move in the same circles.

I'm happy on the relationship and don't feel hes lacking at all. But have my antennae up on this.

Once upon a time I was also just an Internet stranger.

Happy people do not stray, generally. So if he's as happy as he can be then he won't be up to no good, unless he's weak willed (i.e. male)

@ExecutionersBong true. I think I'll just keep an eye on the situation.

He was married for years and remains friendly with his ex - no cheating on either side. We have both been cheated on and hurt in that way, so I would hope not.

However I also have an issue with intimate emotionally charged friendships that could stray into something else. I know people have different opinions on this generally.

If he says she's just a friend, then you point out that no, she isn't. She's a rando on the internet.

Good point @GreigeO

Can't believe I didn't think of it myself...

Exactly! And if he points out that they work in the same industry, just get him to imagine some bloke, he's vaguely aware of in his industry and ask if it would be appropriate for him to respond exactly as he has done if that bloke had put up a similar message. If he were to post a similar reply, he would appear either patronising, or gay.

Yes she’s a rando who is drop dead gorgeous, and he’s lavishing his focus and thoughts on her. It’s not cool.

I'd still say something so he knows it's upsetting you, maybe he's an insensitive idiot or maybe he's looking ahead to pastures new? You won't know until you bring it up, sorry you're going through this, it's the worst feeling being jealous

@Scorchio84 I do think it's the first and not the latter.

It does make me jealous. We are both good looking, she is 7 years younger. She is also doing well in her industry and so is he. I am doing well in my life but it does make me wonder if he'd prefer someone more like him.

I feel I can't go in all guns blazing so would rather go with some leading questions. Then say comments are coming up and tell him they seem close. Go from there.

I'm also keen not to implode an otherwise good relationship...

Fyi I had an ex that did similar and he married the woman, so it is touching some particular pain points...

I really hope you're right, maybe she's just a "shiny new thing" but even still he show a bit of respect, I wonder does she know he's in a relationship with you? Even if it's innocent it still drives you insane & like you're on edge all the time & anxious any time he's on the phone, I feel so sorry for you, it's such a horrible feeling & it makes you so insecure (I've obviously been there 🙄)

No definitely don't go in all guns blazing, just do exactly as you said, that's a really well measured plan, I really hope things work out for you & it's all above board, you sound lovely & successful in your own right 💐