Would you be happy with this?

[Prumo]

Would you be happy with this or would it upset you?

My dp and I have 2 young children. My dp has a female friend and she comes over every so often. My 3 yo is shy and sensitive and doesn't go to people easily. yesterday when she was here my dp, dc and her were playing outside and I saw 3yo run to her for comfort and it bothered me... Am I being ridiculous being, I don't think jealous is the right word but something?

Yes, you're being ridiculous.

Mmmmm I think I’d be put out too.

Well she could have told him to go away….yes, ridiculous.

I think you are jealous but I can understand why you would prefer to be your child’s first choice for comfort.

You been sensitive, were you in sight off your dd?

Yes, ridiculous. You should be pleased your ‘shy and sensitive’ child is opening up more to adults other than family, and feels enough at ease with this friend to go to her for comfort. The fact that this isn’t how you feel, and that your immediate reaction was negative, suggests a lot more going on, and I don’t mean with your three-year-old.

Yes, you're being ridiculous. Unless there is a problem with this woman, this is another person who your child feels safe and comfortable with. Don't we want our children to feel that around people (provided they are people we are happy being around them).

What is it that bothered you?
Your child took a liking to a woman in your home who was most likely being kind to her. That's perfectly normal.

It wouldn't bother me. Kids latch onto people they can get attention from.

When my DS was little, he'd ignore me for his new best friend (all my friends were his new best friend). I'd just be grateful for the break!

the issue here is deeper, i think.
Tell us about the friendship. Reading between the lines, it seems that you're a little uncomfortable with their bond?

and I mean the bond your husband has with this woman?

This. You're clearly uncomfortable with your DPs relationship with this woman and feel threatened by her on more than one level.

I would feel it is good my child can have interactions that are positive with other people it is not all about me

Sorry, yes, when I said jealous wasn't quite the right word I meant about all of it. I've always had a gut feeling my dp has feelings for this woman, they met after we did and after the dc were born

@Prumo that's the issue here, not the interaction she had with your daughter.
What is making you uncomfortable about this woman? I think our feelings are usually right by the way. We're human beings. We have instinctive feelings for very good reasons.

That my dp has feelings for her and how easy they are together. Watching her with my child respond in a motherly way bothered me, especially as my child instigated it

Kids are weird OP, when my DD was little her favourite person was the neighbour's daughter who used to babysit her from time to time. If we all lined up she'd probably have run to Charlotte over me, her dad, her granny, everyone.

However if you're actually worried about your husband's relationship with this woman then you need to address that, not deflect it onto your child's very normal behaviour.

I agree with this.
How has dh behaved to make you suspicious that he's attracted to her?

Everything, it's hard to describe. I'm not bothered about my child being comfortable with people, it was watching them go to her almost as if they've spent more time than I know of

@Prumo how much time does he spend alone with her and does she have a partner?