How do you deal with spending money on things you can afford

[Parsonsred]

This is a silly one but please bear with me. I wanted a backpack as my LO has just gotten to the age I don’t need to be carrying around a big bulky changing bag. I had a long look online and narrowed it down to one I liked and under what I wanted to spend. I went into store to buy it so I could see if it was big enough and when I went in they had the same one in a different colour for 50% off. I then felt like I should get it in the black as that 50% made it £35 cheaper than the white that I was originally going to get. I made an offhand comment to my husband I didn’t like it as much and he told me to just get the white.
The thing is, I grew up quite poor and while I’m financially secure now it does follow you, as a child decisions were based on price not preference. My brain says just get the white it’s what you like but that other part says it’s ridiculous to pay £35 for a colour.
So my question is, how do you get to the point of getting over things like that now as an adult with a good wage?

Maybe set yourself a monthly “fun budget” for spoiling yourself or buying clothes/ make up/ perfume etc? You might feel more comfortable knowing you have a set amount you can spend.

iIts not that unusual to love a bargain however much money you have. Its also really common to grow up with not much money- and having to be being mindful of prices. That’s most people’s normal.

No one wants to pay over the odds. I probably would have got the half price bag too 😂

I don’t think you need to psychoanalyse yourself. It’s a nice problem to have!

Interesting post and I’m going to follow for replies as I feel the same. I recently got some money as a birthday gift and instead of going somewhere nice to spend it on something I bought a half price t shirt while doing the supermarket shop. It’s like I can’t justify anything more than a sale item. I’m sure there’s a psychological cause but not sure what it is. Like your OH, my DH would always encourage me to get what I really want but I have a real mental block with that.

then when I see another woman wearing something nice which I could afford, I feel envious! Ridiculous!

I would get the black, the white won't stay white for long. If it was a dark or bright colour you loved I'd say pay the extra if it's something you would use everyday for years.

I'm not sure how you overcome this but I would like to know if it's possible.

I'm in a similar position. I can afford to buy nice things 'just because' but I struggle very much to do it as there have been large chunks of my life (including my entire childhood as well as a lot of my adult years) where my family had absolutely nothing and couldn't afford food or housing sufficiently. Actually having money feels so alien to me. I'm nowhere near rich but I don't think I'd feel any less this way if I had £50million in the bank. That feeling of worry never leaves.

So my question is, how do you get to the point of getting over things like that now as an adult with a good wage?

I think it's still good to be frugal. I know well off people who buy everything second hand. I think it's silly to needlessly pay more. Looking for the thing you love second hand is a great compromise.

I understand this OP. My approach now is to ask myself if someone I really loved wanted the white, would I buy them the black one just to save money? No, I wouldn't...I'd buy them what they wanted. So if I would do it for someone I love, why can't I do it for myself?

I am similar, buying full price seems such an extravagance! 2 things help me occasionally splurge, firstly I know I have 3 months savings and no credit card debt, that cushion of savings is reassuring. Secondly my mother never ever spent on herself, sometimes for good reason (money was quite feast or famine growing up and in my 20s dh and I didn’t have a bean due to having no savings when recession hit and carrying debt we accumulated as a result)
my mother always put everyone else first and would sometimes become a bit passive aggressive about it (she had her own childhood baggage) So anyway I didn’t/ don’t want to put myself last, I want to teach my children how to value themselves by being a positive role model. I’m not going to be wasteful, but if I need/want a particular thing I do have a word with myself because I think valuing yourself is actually really important as a parent and partner.

In the last 20 years my mum has also got better at doing stuff for herself and it’s so good!

I would have bought the one I liked. In my mind you went there prepared to pay the price for the item you wanted, that shouldn't change just because there was a cheaper option.

It's nice to get a good deal when you can but out of all the bags on the internet, you chose the white one and even went to the shop to see it so you obviously liked it a lot.

I don’t think you need to see this a massive problem. You’ve just grown up learning to be careful with money which isn’t a bad thing per se.

I tried to teach all my children the same. If they wanted something (a toy or gadget, fancy trainers or whatever)I’d encourage them to save up pocket money until they could afford it and look for the best bargain.

It’s a good lesson on the value of money and teaches them to think carefully how they spend their money.

This would be an issue if you were deliberately depriving yourself of things you need. At the end of the day, whichever bag you choose, you have treated yourself to a nice item which you’ll enjoy using.
Do you spend on hairdressers, nice holidays, outings etc?

It’s not as if you’re against the idea of spending on yourself at all.

I understand the feeling of worrying about money.
Maybe spending some time working out all your income and expenses as a family and working out what disposable income you have after paying into pensions/ savings might help you rationalise “luxury “ items.

This is actually a very good way of looking at it.

I would have got the black. I think the sensible option is to get the colour with 50% off. I think you are better staying as you are and not training yourself to spend money with no benefit to anyone.

I’d go for the one with money off. I can’t bring myself to splash out on anything. It either has to be in a sale or have money off.

I wouldn’t be able to resist the 50% off. If this happened to me I’d take it as an omen that the black was really the better option for me!

But I would think about the white one still, after buying the black. This is the story of my shopping life 😂

I've started thinking about a deliberate spending strategy to get over this issue. For example, if I have a list of things I need, if they are seasonal or I might not expect to get much use out of it then I would compromise on what I really wanted to get a bargain. But if it's a thing that would be used regularly and/or for a long time then I'll pay more for the thing I want.
If it's something I'm going to see or touch multiple times a week then no compromise. It will make me happier knowing I didn't compromise.
It's also been helpful to relate the difference in cost to what that money would buy, ie £35 is a meal for two at a pub, is that worth more or less to me than the preferred item.
I'm also trying to buy less, but better quality.

I justify it bigger spends with the logic on how much i'm going to use it/value for money/longevity.

Yes the black one would be better 'value for money' as it's cheaper and really, it'd look nicer for longer.. logically black is the sensible choice.

But it's not the one that i want, i WANT the white one.

If i bought the black one, i'd be constantly thinking 'but i wish it were the white one, that one was so much nicer' and i'd end up resenting the one i have, and using it less and less.

So then it's better to buy the white one, and spend the extra for the thing i want and will bring me the most enjoyment.

Ultimately, i'm an adult, i deserve nice things that i enjoy, bought with the money i earned.

I recently bought a walking stick that was near £90.. i needed it, but it's a lot when i can get one for half that, that does the same job. But you know? That £90 will last me 2-3 years before i replace it, longer if i just replace the ferrule and not the whole stick, and i use it everywhere i go.. so really? Over those 2-3 years, its costing me 65p a week.. so buy the nice one, the one that fits your aesthetic, and be happy.. not thinking 'i could have had X'

Agree, it’s really hard and it took me ages to get over it. I think having a long period of being financially comfortable and realising that the small saving would actually make zero difference to my life whereas having the version I really wanted would make me happy every time I used it.

To be honest a white backpack is a bit daft isn’t it, going to get grubby.

Glad to hear it’s not just me 🙈 I thought about justifying it by saying it’s for my LO and not for me!
For those that mentioned about it being white, it’s actually an off white with a floral pattern so I’m not too worried about it getting dirty as the flowers will somewhat hide it, and I’m not going to be running through mud with it 😂
I will justify the one I want now, @S0livagant i did try to find it on vinted but it’s a new style so there’s none second hand yet (only been on Next for a few days)
@Foxxo that’s girl maths! I’ll use it nearly every day so it’ll end up being practically free right 😂
@senseofurgency if it was for my LO I wouldn’t even hesitate to buy the one they want, maybe I need to love myself the same haha

If you buy something that isn't what you wanted, you'd be tempted to look around at what else is available and buy more and spend more than you would had you just bought what you wanted in the first place.

I find not buying something unless I really love it helps enormously.

I am like you OP.

For something as unimportant as colour of a backpack I would buy the cheaper version and save £35.

It is a good mindset to save money in such situations; paying the extra £35 is a waste of money. Obviously it depends on the item though.

By way of comparison; for something like shoes where the colour is more important for matching to outfits it might be necessary to spend the extra £35.

Haha... i didn't want to use the phrase girl maths for fear of getting dived on by the disapproving, but yes, pretty much. I've always done it to justify spending a bit more than i ought on things i want, especially if it's something i need, but i could get similar for cheaper.

I'd buy the black one for me but the white one for my kids.

Just the same OP

And if I do actually treat myself to something even a bit extravagant I save it for best and hardly use it!

Another thing hungover from my childhood.

See I don’t agree with this, i want my backpack to go with what I’m wearing much like a handbag, a black one wouldn’t go with any of my coats really so I specifically sought out a navy blue one. I like it and it feels smarter then buying another colour that wouldn’t go but would be cheaper.

I grew up similarly to you OP, and I justify things like this as the bag I want is £100, another bag That I don’t really want as much is £65. I’m not actually saving money by buying the cheaper one because it isn’t what I want. I also always take note of returns policies and if I don’t love it when it arrives or I get it home then it goes back. But you are worthy of spending money on nice things.