What's the best age gap for kids? Anyone wish they'd had a shorter gap?

[Letsgetausername]

My fear is leaving it too long. I didn't really spend much time with my eldest sibling and neither did DH with his. We both get on with our closest in age siblings. Do others have this same experience with their kids? Anyone feel like they wish they'd had less of an age gap with their kids?

I guess I'm just wanting to have an age gap that's best for them playing together and getting on well with each other.

I'm not asking what's easiest for the parents but what age, in your opinion, is better for the kids.

The age gap between our youngest is 2.5 years, which I think is perfect. They're the best of friends and have always been into similar things (now teenagers)

I’ve got a 2.5 year gap and agree it‘s brilliant. We wanted 2.5-3 and were lucky to conceive immediately.

But I’m pregnant again and the gaps will be 4 and 6.5 years so I hope those will be good gaps too!

@PregnantNowScrewed I've similar gaps with my three and it works great. My now 11 year old is currently making playdoh food with her five year old sister.
OP there is really no best or ideal age gap every family is different. It's whatever works for you

There are pros and cons to every age gap. It’s a mistake to think you have too much control over it though. We conceived easily and quickly first time but had very different experience with DC 2. So my advice would be - as soon as you feel you could manage another one, start TTC and the gap will be what it will be.

My kids are all roughly 2.5 years apart and they all generally get on great even as teenagers. I've no wish for them to have been closer in age, for us it's been ideal. My siblings and I have a similar gap, were never closer, and haven't seen each other in a couple decades - I don't think any tweaking with the gap would fix that. I know other families with similar who have different opinions, and other gaps who are happy/unhappy, close/not close, so there are a lot more factors than just the age gap.

The only thing I would change is pushing for a nutritional panel early on, rather than accepting just iron midway through, so I didn't end up with some issues from undetected deficiencies that compounded across pregnancies, but I and medical professionals wrote off as just normal pregnancy fatigue. This is more common than often spoken about, and is known to be a higher risk with subsequent pregnancies particularly for mothers who have a history of being underweight or had pregnancies with a high amount of low appetite, nausea, and vomiting as well as those who have pregnancies close together. There is a push in some quarters to bring nutritional blood panels in as standard as the current recommendation of a minimum wait of 18-24 months to TTC (it was 12-18 months when I was having mine) doesn't always solve the issue and can lead to either a false sense of security if you meet it or an unneeded worry if you're pregnant before that.

3 years has been perfect for us. Childcare costs also a factor

Mine are 2.5, which is pretty good, but I'd go a bit longer, maybe. 3 to 3.5.

My boys are just over 2 years apart, I found the first year quite hard mainly because my 2nd son didn't sleep, but since then it has been brilliant and now they are both older they are into the same things, get on with each others friends and always entertain each other.

I have 2 years between dc1 and dc2 and 3 years between dc2 and dc3. 2-3 years is the most common age gap ime so lots of my kids friends, have siblings the same age as their siblings too.

You can't control whether your children have similar interests, conflicting interests, one or both have additional needs - you can scientifically calculate the "ideal" gap based on some sort of algorithm and you may still end up with two kids who squabble constantly, or have zero desire in playing together. It's a roll of the dice.

I have a 5 year age gap and I think it’s great. I don’t think there’s an age gap that is ‘better for the kids’. Whether they get along as children or adults is so much more complex than their ages. It’s probably more down to gender (possible competition for friends) and personality. Mine fight, but maybe not quite as viciously as friends with a 2-3 year age gap as they aren’t really in the same peer group. The different peer groups and interests due to the age gap I think means they get more time apart which is probably good for them and us.

Mine are 5 years, they get along lovely and it’s nice that there’s little competition but if I was going for absolutely ideal I think a little closer would be better. My eldest is a very sociable child and would have loved someone to run around with at soft play etc and it’s going to be a while til her little brother is at that level