Wedding abroad after birth - how long

[prepareforharvest]

My best friend has just announced she's getting married in mainland west Europe (we're in UK) next year. I am due to have our first baby late Feb/early March. We are super close and I would strongly suspect I will be asked to be a bridesmaid so I would desperately like to go. How long after having your first would you have felt able to travel abroad to a wedding like this? DH and DPs are both generally super supportive so if it wouldn't work out the baby coming to the wedding I think one of them would facilitate hovering near by with baby and I'm sure my friend would try to do whatever she could to make it work. So with all that in place, what do you think would be the earliest you'd have been able to travel?

I was bridesmaid for my sister when my baby was 13 weeks old. It was in this country, but at the other end so did involve a flight. She was my second baby so I was significantly less shell shocked than with my first! I was exclusively breastfeeding at the time and she came to the wedding, mainly in a sling! It was tough going, but doable, at 13 weeks. Like I say it wasn't abroad though.

Thanks @PoachedDregs that's really helpful to know it was at least possible!

This is all so individual. What one person felt able to do x days, weeks or months after birth is no indication of what YOU will be able to do.

That said, one thing to keep in mind is how long it will take you to register the baby AND sort their passport. No one is going to a wedding abroad without a valid passport.

I’m assuming they are going to go for a summer wedding which means you’d have time to organise travel etc after the baby is born. Don’t commit to anything until then. A good friend will understand.

Probably about the same amount of time it would take to get a passport - 8 weeks or so? As long as it was only a short flight and I had help. But might not have wanted to take baby on a flight before they'd had their vaccines which would have taken longer.

I think realistically 6 weeks if you feel well and that's enough time to hopefully get a passport. Ds1 i could not have done this as was exhausted and a bit shell shocked, second ds i could have gone the next day. You will not know really until you have given birth.

I had a nightmare first baby. Difficult birth, colicky baby, screamed constantly when not being fed for 12 weeks.

Took him abroad to meet family at 4 months and it was absolutely fine. Really fine, and we had a great time. Same with the second, although he caught chicken pox when we were away...

I'd say the first 3 months are the most tricky, by 4 months no problem.

I'd probably decline being bridesmaid as there are just too many unknowns.

By all means accept the invitation, but make sure as much as possible can be cancelled

For me:

DC1 I'd have needed a few months
DC2 I'd have been fine after a few weeks
DC3 was sent off to neonatal after birth and subsequently diagnosed with a rare genetic condition. Was fed by an NG tube for 12 months. I wasn't up for travelling with DC3 for quite some time.

So many variables, so many possibilities. Don't over committ.

Maybe 4 months. I would have been utterly exhausted and miserable, but that is when I was finally really mobile again after my C-section.

dd on the other hand screamed bloody murder every second she was in a car seat, so we rarely left the house. Taking her abroad would have been impossible.

I'd have been able to manage it a lot faster than we could have got a passport.

I'd have been fine to go maybe day 4 or 5 after section, though wouldn't have been up for dancing and probably wouldn't have stayed late, and it would have been a bit much getting bridesmaid. After a couple of weeks I'd have been fine for all of it and was fine going out all week at that stage.

We went abroad at 6w, and I'd been 'fine' for quite a few weeks before.

Going away with an older baby/toddler was far harder.

Depends on a multitude of things.

DD1 - I probably could have coped from a couple of months

DD2 - about 2/3 weeks

DS - I did a uk wedding at 10 weeks and that was manageable

I bottle fed my first two and now I’m BFing DS. It took about 6 weeks to feel comfortable with feeding and being out and about.

I personally wouldn't have taken a baby under six months on an aeroplane abroad as I'd like them to have had vaccinations etc. and to be a bit sturdier for travel.

Dc1, I was bridesmaid with a 2w old. It was a4hr drive and totally doable.
Dc2 was a traumatic birth, NICU and I cried for 5w so wouldn't have gone anywhere happily.

Can you delay confirmation until they are born and you know how you feel?

6-8 weeks? I think life with a baby starts to fall into place around 8-9 weeks. But if you could get a passport, certainly by 6 weeks would be doable. You will need to bring baby with you to the wedding. You won’t be in a position to leave baby at home or even away at the hotel really at that age. With my first, I made it 1.5 through a pub lunch, cried and had to go home because I missed her (she was like 10 houses away down the road at home so not even far).

Realistically, it will probably take you a few weeks to register the birth, then a passport should be pretty quick (I think we got our first ones in 2 weeks, but recent renewal was about a week).

Depending on the location and situation at the time, vaccinations may be important to consider. Some places I’d consider traveling with an unvaccinated baby, but if there is an outbreak or it’s particularly high risk area, then less so.

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences/thoughts . I feel I'll be able to make a slightly more informed decision about things now but appreciate all the reminders recovery after birth isn't always something you can predict. Her current plan is "summerish" so if it's June/July baby would be 4 months which sounds optimistic it would be doable. Since finding out I was pregnant I've realised how clueless I am - I honestly wasn't sure if we'd be talking days or months so you've all been super helpful

That said, if you go and/or are a bridesmaid, I think you need to manage expectations. You very likely won’t feel up for a late night. You may not make it past 8-9pm especially if there is a time difference or it’s hot. You will be exhausted. And you will need to not be so exhausted (or drinking heavily) to not be able to safely care for your baby all night. So I would be honest about what your limits may be and plan in an early night, in case you need it, in terms of your role/transport.