Really weird one - 2 and a half year old DD dry humping teddies

[Senparentingwoes]

Please help me. Dd is almost 2 and a half. Has been referred for neuro development assessment and speech and language assessment. Is non verbal at present amongst other things. My 5 year old dd is autistic so not my first rodeo.. however I am finding this really disturbing. I was heavily SA’d as a kid and it just feels so uncomfortable to me. I’m assuming it’s a self soothing thing, but she’s also grabbing at herself through her nappy throughout the day. How do I deal with this? I totally get it’s my issue but would also rather this not be something she is doing in front of others as she gets older because I worry about scary people and everywhere.

This sounds really disturbing, I'm sorry you're going through this. Does she spend time away from you much and if so, with who?

I honestly think there's something to this and you're right to be alarmed.

Has she got thrush?

It's probably a self-soothing stim. Just redirect her, without shaming her, to do it in private?

I wondered this too... she's possibly itchy.

It could be self-soothing.
It is worrying.

Google self gratification syndrome. I think it's quite rare but it might be worth a look.

It's totally normal. Just distract them.

www.esneft.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Eastern-Paediatric-Epilepsy-Network-Self-gratification-behaviour.pdf

That is a point, thrush, cystitis, full bladder not emptying?

Have you checked for worms, thrush, uti etc? Basically have you ruled out any medical reasons

I was told by a therapist that masturbation in toddlers is often a self- soothing response to anxiety.

This was my first thought too.

My daughter did this from about 18 months to 3. Usually when she was going to sleep or tired. It's disturbing for adults to witness as it seems so sexual, but I looked into it quite a bit at the time and it's usually just self-soothing and no different to thumb sucking.

This is really very common. It’s just as adults we put an adult frame of reference on it. But lots of children self soothe through movement. Just say it’s a private thing that we don’t do in front of others (I realise easier said than done if non verbal).

It’s normal. Dd had a humping thing when she was in the bath around this age. We just ignored it and eventually it stopped. It is hard to ignore because your first instinct is to stop them from doing it, but it’s best not shame them. It’s perfectly natural, if a private thing

I realise this must be difficult having been SA as a child and I’m so sorry that happened to you. But please be reassured it’s very normal behaviour. They grown out of it and/or learn that it’s not appropriate to do in front of other people. My advice is to try to redirect and let her know it’s something to only do in private. I would definitely try not to make a big thing of it. I’ve known tons of children to do this and so please don’t be too alarmed x

My mum said I did this as a child! In fact I sort of remember doing it. I've spoken to friends who remember doing it too. I've since looked into it and it's quite normal.

What I would say is I was quite an anxious child and am currently waiting to be assessed for ADHD. Don't know if that's related.

I did grow out of it though!

It's quite common especially in children with SEN. It's a self soothing mechanism. There's nothing wrong with it and it's not shameful. If in public try to distract or try to replace with a different type of toy. Don't make the child feel bad about it.

This is well within the realms of normal, maybe do a bit of reading about it before commenting when you haven’t a clue.

My oldest DD did this, it was self soothing. She started it when she was around 2, and it stopped when she was around 4 or 5. It was mostly when she was tired so we would settle her in her room for a nap, but it became more about self soothing after a year. Doctors weren’t concerned and encouraged us to not let her do it outside of her room. It’s pretty common my nephews have done it too but it took longer for them to stop

It's normal but disturbing to observe ds used to do it before sleep and he is the most anxious child ever

I did this as a child, maybe not quite so young but fairly young. It felt good. I wasn't sexually abused or anything.

One of my husband's friends recently told us his 4yr old humps his teddy.
And there was the comedian guy from the Inbetweeners who said he humped a teddy his mum made him!my colleague also told me about a little girl she knew who did this so I honestly think it's more common than people realise/want to talk about.

With the caveat that any medical cause such as a UTI or thrush should be rule out first...

This is more common than people think. It's not abnormal and it isn't sexual to the child - please be cautious about sexualizing or stigmatizing it. It's just pleasant physical sensation to your DD that she's likely using as self-stimulation to calm herself. To her it's no different than rubbing a soft teddy bear on over her arm, sucking her thumb, or flapping her hands. Use positive redirection if she does it outside her own bed, and help her develop other self-calming methods.

My autistic dd does this, it’s one of her stims. A professional who worked with her told me this toy gives them similar type of feedback

https://babygo.uk/products/peanut-ball-kids?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAC2_SMBEBIdbmqdBD4bz6A21_nMem&gclid=Cj0KCQjw7ZO0BhDYARIsAFttkCiFv3WiDs_j-KNl1JhvCAbydGgYI9jmcVPIsuEZX5-Rg7_xPrwjYeYaAjCsEALw_wcB

Whenever she does it, we just transfer her to this toy. Hopefully eventually she’ll go straight to the peanut ball.

Thanks so much for all your replies! I know it’s definitely my own hang ups making it into an issue but glad others have been through it too (sorry!). Just to note I’m not worried at all that she has been SA’d, she spends no time away from me other than two days at nursery. It’s definitely self soothing as she does it mainly when trying to drift off in bed. She’s an awful sleeper so I have to sit in there with her to stop her climbing out of bed so it just feels like I’m intruding on her space really and I find it a little triggering I guess. Hopefully she grows out of it! Thanks so the peanut ball recommendation, a friend actually recommended I get her one to help with her mobility side so will definitely order it today!

I'd begin by having her checked out. She could have a UTI or something.