seeking a ghosts opinion

[outofbattery]

I'm trying to understand why a long-term friend might ghost someone, and I'd appreciate hearing from anyone who has done this to a friend themselves.

Recently, my husband's best friend and I discovered that we've both been ghosted by people we were incredibly close to, close enough to be each other’s bridesmaids. She had been friends with hers for over 30 years, while my friendship lasted more than 20 years. In her case, the ghosting happened immediately after her wedding. For me, it was a slower process.

My friend and I live in different countries and didn’t speak frequently, but we made an effort to meet up once a year. After my wedding (where she was a bridesmaid) I reached out a few times without any response. Later, I found out through another friend’s social media that she had a baby about a year after my wedding. Not being on social media myself, I hadn’t known. I sent her a baby gift, and she reached out to thank me. We had a brief but lovely catch-up.

Several months later, I messaged her about a summer road trip my family and I were taking, mentioning where we were going and that we could visit her since we'd be passing by her place. She replied, saying she was sad because they’d be out of town during that time. Later, I found out that she was actually just five minutes away from our location during our trip. Shortly after that, she blocked me on WhatsApp.

Both my husband’s friend and I are hurt and confused. There was no argument or falling out that we know of, yet we’ve been completely cut off. If you’ve ever ghosted a long-term friend, could you share why you made that decision? What were your thoughts and feelings? I really don't want to judge, it just seems so extreme to cut someone off after 20-30 years of friendship without any clear reason, and we’re hoping to gain some insight into what might lead someone to do this. We've both reached out to try and find out directly from the person, but in my case either my letter didn't arrive or it was ignored, and in the other case the friend who was asked didn't want to get involved/be a go between. Which feels fair enough.

Would also appreciate any ideas for finding closure and acceptance on the situation.

I ghosted a person I'd known for 40 years. She was always a bit selfish but over time it got worse and worse. The final straw was 2 straws really, the first was arranging a day out with her when she expected me to drive. I had no petrol and couldn't afford to fill the car till the following week after payday. I explained and said I'd meet her there as we both had a convenient public transport option. She would always expect someone to drive her and never offered petrol money. She told me that wasn't good enough and cancelled our day trip. The next day posted on FB all the pictures she took having gone on her own, by public transport.
The second straw was a recent bereavement, she told me to stop going on about it and that she didn't want to see me until I'd cheered up.
So that was that. Decided not to call or text and I knew she wouldn't as she was never the person to initiate a conversation. It had just become a situation where I always felt worse after seeing her, she took as much as she could and was constantly digging at me suggesting I was a crap friend.
I was so much happier after going nc and she never did try to contact me.

I ghosted a friend.
My husband and I helped her and her child out for over five years.
I did feel at times she took us for granted and expected more.
Everyone knew she had been through an awful time and when around others she expected everything to revolve around her and her feelings.
She developed a very entitled attitude.

When I was diagnosed with cancer she would totally spit the dummy out if in company I was asked how I was.
She would be rude to me for not being well enough to do her a favour or help out with her child.

I think I stole her limelight.

She was rude to me on the phone one day and had a go at me for not doing something for her....I told her exactly why I couldn't, I was traveling 100 mile round trip each day for radiotherapy...her reply was well I didn't know you were having radiotherapy (so a supposedly close friend had no idea about my treatment)

I got off the phone and never bothered with her again.
If she had come to see me and asked why I would have told her the truth but I certainly wasn't going out of my way to do so,I don't owe her anything

I tried to ghost my bff once! She's very judgemental and if she talks about her other friends like that, what does she say about me? Also, if she talks like that (many a true word said in jest) to me about my children, what does she say when I'm not there!

If she'd asked, I'd have told her.

But in the end she maintained trying to keep in contact, kept asking if I was ok and that she's always there if I need her.

So I had my break from her and we ultimately picked up where we left off. Now I'm much more direct to her if what I think she is saying is out of order.

I think I ghosted a second friend on purpose, but back in the day before it was a "thing". We just had nothing in common anymore. It's like a PP said, there are ways to end a romantic relationship, but ending a friendship is extremely hard if not odd? (Which is in itself odd). She'd message me periodically and I would just have nothing to say in reply, so didn't. If she'd called me out on it? Now I'd say it just seemed our lives were in different places and doing different directions, but back then I don't know if I would have done.

I've also been ghosted. Some may say deserved having read the above. I had a very close, very intense friendship that was almost like an affair in terms of intensity, but categorically not romantic in any sense. We were both new second time mums and we needed each other for moral support. The day she went back to work we moved relatively close to her (had been on the cards whilst pregnant due to work and commuting). That was the end of it. Almost to the day. I didn't say anything for a few months as I thought she's back to work, I'm not so can't imagine how tough it is. But then I went back to work. And time went on. And nothing but excuses if I suggested meeting. Eventually it twigged. I never became brave enough to ask her why, but talking about how hurt and sad I was with my mum and my husband, and them giving me their support, I seem to have become reconciled to it, both the ghosting and the not knowing why.

Sorry this is so long. I hope it helped.

Thanks for sharing your story <3