Stoma for the first time with DH

[Ellieostomy]

Namechanged for this! I used to have a stoma but this was pre DH. I’ve been without one for the 10 years we’ve been together and we have 2 kids. I’m on a waiting list to go back to my stoma for various reasons and it should be hopefully later this year/next. I’m perfectly happy about this and looking forward to getting my life back.

however, DH has never seen me with one. He’s always said he doesn’t care and it won’t change anything and my health is the most important thing etc, but I was hoping for a bit of reassurance from anyone that’s been in a similar situation, that it didn’t change anything between you and your DH.

i know if the tables were turned, that I wouldn’t care, but it’s still something I’m slightly nervous about.

Love your name! I've got a stoma but no partner so can't answer your question but if you don't get any answers here try the colostomy UK facebook group - I've seen a lot if good advice on there .
Good luck with your operation.

Thank you very much- it was also my name for her lol. I’ll check out the group, thank you for taking the time to respond 😊

I’m sure your dh won’t look at you any differently. He loves you and won’t care about the stoma. Good luck with you operation and try not to worry.

I don't have any experience although have relatives who have had them. Have you seen Louise Thompson on Instagram showing hers off. She has helped remove the stigma a bit and she's said it doesn't bother her at all. I think if your DH says it won't bother him then take his word for it. Hope all goes well.

I didn't realise you could reverse a stoma.

Off topic sorry, but that's really interesting.

My husband has had one for a few years now. I truly believe he wouldn’t be here without it. I don’t look at him any differently at all. It’s just part of him. I hope it all goes well for you.

No experience of a stoma here but I wanted to wish you all the best for your procedure. I hope it will give you your life back!

My own experience is with using a wheelchair so pretty different. Dh struggled with the idea to start with. But then both him and the dcs saw how much difference it made to my life. How I could do stuff again I had to stop doing all thanks to the wheelchair. So it stopped being an issue.

Hi
I had a stoma for 7 years and my dh has seen me with and without a stoma and it made no difference to our relationship. I think it was easier to have sex in certain positions but that was it. Im sure ur dh will be fine! Good luck with ur op.

For a while it looked like DH was going to have to have a stoma. I didn't care, I just wanted him well again and if that's what it took that was absolutely fine by me.

Thank you so much all for your responses. I did date with my stoma previously but it was years ago. @Snowwhite83 , do you wear a cover over it during intimate moments? They had just been introduced when I had my stoma reversed, so I never used one but wondered if they made a difference to your confidence levels?

@Nigellasstickytoffeepudding I know! Because I kept my rectum (just lost the whole of my large intestine), they were able to form a pouch from my small intestine and connect the end of it to my rectum. It’s called a j pouch. However, results can vary and some people will end up using the bathroom a few times a day, some much more. When I get my stoma back it’ll be permanent because they’ll remove my rectum.

@MooonDreamer , I have and I’m so glad as there can be a lot of stigmas around it, especially in some cultures (mine being one of them).

@littlegrebe yes, if my DH ever needed one, I couldn’t care less. However, I don’t know if that tolerance comes from genuinely not caring or because I’ve been in that situation if that makes sense? I’d like to think I wouldn’t care no matter what, as my DH says he does, however I’m aware that you don’t know how you’ll react to a situation until it actually happens 😔

My best friend has a stoma. Her husband has no issue with it whatsoever other than being very happy / relieved that she has it and is happy and healthy.